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Thread: My fiance grabbed my throat

  1. #21
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    You need to dump him! Not tomorrow, right now! I’m not overreacting by saying this just like you’re not overreacting by feeling the way you do or acting the way you did. I can usually see two sides to the story but with this it’s his fault!

    Nobody should ever cause harm to someone else in any capacity when angry. Whether it be with harmful words or violence.

    Please leave and seek out help leaving him.

  2. #22
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    You know what? your fiance is right "you ARE the girl who gets beaten and doesn't know why."
    And you will keep on being that woman who get cursed at, yelled at, grabbed by the throat and much more if you do not learn how to answer properly that question.

    You got abused because you are with an abuser. As simple as that. It's like a soldier being surprised to receive a bullet while on war. It comes with the territory.

    "is it abuse?" You Know it is. You are asking us because you do not trust yourself. You also got used to be abused and somewhat think you don't deserve better. The latter is the reason why you stay with him.

    He grabbed your throat and your first reaction was to look for the guilt within yourself : "I told him f you, I toutched him etc". You have to completly change that helpless victim mindset. You have to see yourself as a grown, smart woman who is in charge of your safety and well being. So if a man scares you, belittles you, it doesn't matter the reason. The situation is dangerous. This guy, for what ever reason, cannot handle his anger, has a need to control and is bad for your safety. No need to analyse the situation more. You just get out of there. He has shown you that he is weak.

    This guy have repeatedly disrespected you over the course of your relationship yet you got engaged to him. Do you see the problem here? You are making bad decisions for your happiness and safety.

    Why do you stay? This is the crucial question you need to ask yourself. That's the real issue here and we are here for you if you want to discuss it.

    You are staying because there is something good you get from that relation. Could be emotional dependency, could be fear of being alone, low self esteem, the need to be loved by him at any cost etc. The point is, no reason is good enough to put your safety in the hand of someone else. How is your social life? do you have good friends you can rely on? How's your relationship with your parents? can you sustain yourself finacially?

    He's not gonna change. But you can. Tell us why you want to stay and we can go from there. I would also strongly suggest therapy because you really need to learn to love yourself. You need to learn that you deserve peace and happiness in your life...

  3. #23
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Yes, tell him to shove the Suzuki up his wuzuki.
    Originally Posted by jimthzz
    And gave you a bike too much for you to handle. Walk away from both the bike and him.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    You are not a monster... You are being abused. Leave this man. Nothing you described is love.

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by Cannelle
    You know what? your fiance is right "you ARE the girl who gets beaten and doesn't know why."
    And you will keep on being that woman who get cursed at, yelled at, grabbed by the throat and much more if you do not learn how to answer properly that question.

    You got abused because you are with an abuser. As simple as that. It's like a soldier being surprised to receive a bullet while on war. It comes with the territory.

    "is it abuse?" You Know it is. You are asking us because you do not trust yourself. You also got used to be abused and somewhat think you don't deserve better. The latter is the reason why you stay with him.

    He grabbed your throat and your first reaction was to look for the guilt within yourself : "I told him f you, I toutched him etc". You have to completly change that helpless victim mindset. You have to see yourself as a grown, smart woman who is in charge of your safety and well being. So if a man scares you, belittles you, it doesn't matter the reason. The situation is dangerous. This guy, for what ever reason, cannot handle his anger, has a need to control and is bad for your safety. No need to analyse the situation more. You just get out of there. He has shown you that he is weak.

    This guy have repeatedly disrespected you over the course of your relationship yet you got engaged to him. Do you see the problem here? You are making bad decisions for your happiness and safety.

    Why do you stay? This is the crucial question you need to ask yourself. That's the real issue here and we are here for you if you want to discuss it.

    You are staying because there is something good you get from that relation. Could be emotional dependency, could be fear of being alone, low self esteem, the need to be loved by him at any cost etc. The point is, no reason is good enough to put your safety in the hand of someone else. How is your social life? do you have good friends you can rely on? How's your relationship with your parents? can you sustain yourself finacially?

    He's not gonna change. But you can. Tell us why you want to stay and we can go from there. I would also strongly suggest therapy because you really need to learn to love yourself. You need to learn that you deserve peace and happiness in your life...
    I do not know. I am in counseling and it's what my therapist has been trying to figure out with me. I always had healthy relationships up until my last boyfriend. Idk. I guess I felt it was my fault that with this guy I put my hand on him first. He breaks my things and screams at me and belittles me. He makes me feel guilty for being a working woman and though I am a small 22 yr old girl he often comments about my weight. He gives me dirty looks if I am eating something unhealthy and makes comments or if I eat too much he will disgusteding say, "did you eat enough?" Or tell me I've gotten bigger. I have left him in the past. He usually responds with violence not towards me but towards objects and will tell me, "go back to your ex who beat you. He's a better man than I obviously." I have no interest in my ex. I had a restraining order and moved away and cut all contact with him so idk why he says that tbh. My counselor is aware of his behavior and that's been are main thing to work on. I guess I just always thought that either I caused his erratic behavior or that e was just blunt or sometimes I'd think, "He doesn't hit or cheat on me so it isn't that bad as long as I walk on egg shells with him." When I would try to gain back power example when he made me delete my social media or take off my phone password when he yet still has a password or when he wouldn't let me sign my name on the land we bought together he told me I was being petty or that it was obvious Facebook was more important to me than he was. Then tbh I believed him. So, idk why I stay. Sorry for the long response.

  7. #26
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    I honestly think you feel you have better then what you had before and that’s why you stay.

    The guy you’re with now is just as bad as your ex. I think you should work on your self esteem and know that you have a tremendous amount to offer. This guy doesn’t deserve any more chances or kindness from you.

    I would stay single if I were you for awhile and rebuild yourself from inside. Find out why you chose toxic men, delve deep into your needs and wants. You have a therapist which is great!

    You just need to chose to end the relationship with him and the toxic abuse patterns you put yourself in with men and leave it in the past. You deserve happiness, love that doesn’t hurt.

  8. #27
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    That's great you are doing therapy. You are choosing men who abuse you and hurt you. This guy is 100% abusive towards you verbally and emotionally on an ongoing basis. Emotional abuse is still abuse. And now he has progressed to physically hurting you. You can't stay with him anymore, you need to leave.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Do you come from a troubled home? Are you living with this guy?

    Talk to your therapist about why "bad boys" are so enticing to you.

  10. #29
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    Whether or not you can handle a motorcycle is irrelevant. You don't need to justify that to him or anyone here, as it's completely beside the point.

    The point is that his abuse is escalating, OP.

    He's been emotionally and verbally abusive with you before, and he's been physically aggressive (breaking things, charging at you, screaming)

    He's now physically abusive as well. This is getting worse and it will continue to do so. Next time, he is going to seriously hurt you.

    Get away from him.

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by Suzuki550
    he wouldn't let me sign my name on the land we bought together
    Just to get this clear, does this mean you provided money to buy the land, but the land is legally his and his only?

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