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Thread: My fiance grabbed my throat

  1. #11
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    I will clarify what people are asking about. I am still learning how to ride my motorcycle. I haven't had it long. He rides and said he would teach me and I paid for the bike, but he picked what size and everything for me to get based off of my weight and height that he assumed would work. I've gotten more petite since then. On a everyday basis I am able to handle it on my own. I accidentally didn't have the kick stand completely done when it first went on its side. This is the first time that's happened. I didn't get hurt or anything when it fell. As for it flooding, that can happen to any person with any expirience with bikes. It's a old bike. It happens. My boyfriend has been riding for ten years and he still at times floods his. As for me swearing at him, yes this isn't the first time he was hounding me. He was swearing and yelling at me, as I walked away to calm down he followed me. I usually am able to bite tongue, but it just slipped out as , "f you". Which is wrong, I admit. He on the weekly basis swears at me and calls me swear words. He has a temper, I have a learning disability so it frustrates him which causes him to get so mad most of the time. This is the first time we've ever gotten physical. No, I did not legitimately push him. I did put my hand on his chest (which I get was super wrong of me and I'm a monster for it). I've never done this before. He grabbed my throat later on in the fight, not as a reaction as to when I touched him. I am basically asking if me putting my hand on him is what caused him to do this and I guess if it excuses what he did to me. He hasn't touched me before in fights. He often will throw things near me, break things (usuallyy things), and will at times charge at me screaming walking fast, but doesn't touch me physically. We do not argue often. Usually he calls me the c word or stupid or says, "f you" and I walk away to calm down. This time he followed me as I was trying to calm down. Usually he just says, "yeah, walk away and cry your life away.". Just clarifying.

  2. 07-23-2020, 01:18 PM
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    yellow flagged

  3. #12
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    Originally Posted by Suzuki550
    I will clarify what people are asking about. I am still learning how to ride my motorcycle. I haven't had it long. He rides and said he would teach me and I paid for the bike, but he picked what size and everything for me to get based off of my weight and height that he assumed would work. I've gotten more petite since then. On a everyday basis I am able to handle it on my own. I accidentally didn't have the kick stand completely done when it first went on its side. This is the first time that's happened. I didn't get hurt or anything when it fell. As for it flooding, that can happen to any person with any expirience with bikes. It's a old bike. It happens. My boyfriend has been riding for ten years and he still at times floods his. As for me swearing at him, yes this isn't the first time he was hounding me. He was swearing and yelling at me, as I walked away to calm down he followed me. I usually am able to bite tongue, but it just slipped out as , "f you". Which is wrong, I admit. He on the weekly basis swears at me and calls me swear words. He has a temper, I have a learning disability so it frustrates him which causes him to get so mad most of the time. This is the first time we've ever gotten physical. No, I did not legitimately push him. I did put my hand on his chest (which I get was super wrong of me and I'm a monster for it). I've never done this before. He grabbed my throat later on in the fight, not as a reaction as to when I touched him. I am basically asking if me putting my hand on him is what caused him to do this and I guess if it excuses what he did to me. He hasn't touched me before in fights. He often will throw things near me, break things (usuallyy things), and will at times charge at me screaming walking fast, but doesn't touch me physically. We do not argue often. Usually he calls me the c word or stupid or says, "f you" and I walk away to calm down. This time he followed me as I was trying to calm down. Usually he just says, "yeah, walk away and cry your life away.". Just clarifying.
    This is awful. Please don't marry this guy.

  4. #13
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    He is an abusive azz. Please leave today.

  5. #14
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    NO, you didn't cause his violence. OP - this relationship, this man from what you are describing has always been abusive to you. What you are describing as "having a temper" is actually abuse. What happened here is what is very typical - a progression from verbal abuse to physical violence. You did NOT cause that.

    Also, putting your hand on his chest is not any kind of terrible wrong or anything else such. Under the circumstances, telling him "fck you" was also a reasonable response in the face of the provocation and his behavior toward you. Please don't get into self blame or try to convince yourself that you are somehow responsible or caused his behavior. You did NOT. This is typical victim thinking - if only I didn't say this or did that, he wouldn't have exploded and beaten me.

    I will repeat - this man is a violent abuser who physically attacked you and this is going to get worse from here. Once that line is crossed, it always gets worse. Please leave him right now. Today. Just do it. Do NOT blame yourself. You did NOT cause him to act attack you.

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  7. #15
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    Yes, it's abusive.
    My mom drilled into my head from an early age that if a person even lifts a hand with the threat of hitting you, game over and you walk away. Swearing at you, intimidating you, putting you down, throwing things... It's all abusive and you walk away forever because that's not how you deserve to be treated.

    I think the best thing you could do is get some therapy to deal with this current situation for yourself. It's game over.
    You were already vulnerable to abuse due to your previous abuse. You've normalized it to a degree. You need some help with that so you don't end up with another guy like this. You deserve better.

  8. #16
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    No. He is 100% responsible for his actions and anger. You need to leave. It's that's simple. Stop trying to figure out who deserved what. Just get out. He's abusive, and you know it, so just leave.

    Don't spend your life rolling from one abusive relationship to the next with a lot of damages.
    Originally Posted by Suzuki550
    I am basically asking if me putting my hand on him is what caused him to do this and I guess if it excuses what he did to me.
    Last edited by Wiseman2; 07-23-2020 at 01:46 PM.

  9. #17
    abusive. you should be in a more healthy relationship. i hope you stay away from him.

  10. #18
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Cancel the wedding. He is the wife beater type.

    Yes, this is abuse.

    You didn't ask for anything. Any man who puts his hand on a woman is a coward. Why? Because he's obviously stronger than a woman, physically, bigger, taller, more physically powerful, etc. You are petite and he's taking advantage by controlling you physically. This is mental and physical abuse. I know because my late father punched my mother's teeth out. Note these types of violent men do not strike a man his own size or a man bigger and taller than he is. That is cowardly; to put their hands on a woman who is obviously physically weaker and at a disadvantage. (Of course, either way is wrong; resorting to violence regardless of gender but I'm referring to men physically abusing women here in this thread.)

    You deserve to be treated with respect and love. Repeat this mantra in your brain in order to increase your self esteem and self confidence. Never settle for losers in your life. It's better to be alone and safe than be with a man who treats you miserably.

  11. #19
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    Yes it sounds like a pattern and yes I would leave.

  12. #20
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    The man is abusive to you. And gave you a bike too much for you to handle. Not only that, he is so possessive about the bike (and you) that he thinks it ok to punish you about the bike.

    Walk away from both the bike and him. They are not suited to you.

    BTW, the guilt you felt for touching him in anger is a correct response. However, his violence towards you for hardly anything is over the top and criminal. He DID choke you if you are sore the next day.

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