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Thread: Overworked & Overstressed...but feel guilty quitting.

  1. #1
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    Overworked & Overstressed...but feel guilty quitting.

    Hi everyone... I just need help figuring out what to do at my job. I work as a cashier/server and I make pretty decent money. Im not taking summer school so I told them I could work more hours and save up for fall semester. (40 hours instead of 30) We have become understaffed recently and I've had to work 45+ each week with most shifts being 10-9 or 8:30-9. I've also been trying to study for the GRE. And its been getting difficult to do so with my schedule. This weeks schedule I was given 50+ hours and it put me over the edge. I finally told my manager that I needed less hours because I need to study for my upcoming test. Well for this weeks schedule she again gave me 45 hours 🥴 (and on top of that she had me stay later today so bump that up to 48.)

    I then talked to the owner and he let me make changes to bring me down to a 40 hour 5 day work week. BUT the manager again changed it and "tried to give me less hours" but she gave me 44 hours 6 days a week 🥴 I'm not sure what else to do here. I feel ungrateful because I know there are people struggling with work during this pandemic, but its affecting almost every aspect of my life. I think it's the shift times not necessarily the hours also. I try to study on my breaks and a little when I get home and on my days off, but its not enough. I'm behind on schedule and had to reschedule the test. My blood pressure has been off, I'm exhausted all the time, my libido is down, I go days without showering, I hardly eat, my anxiety is through the roof, my mental health is struggling. I expected there to be some changes, but nothing has been different.

    I've been trying to help myself also. I have an interview on Monday to a job I most likely will land and I also reached out to a counselor at school, but its been almost a month and I still don't have an appointment. I wanted to wait until after my interview to put my two weeks notice in, but I honestly feel like I am on the verge of a breakdown. I'm not sure I can hold out dealing with this for any longer. I just am really hating myself for leaving them pretty much screwed if I quit even sooner or with a weeks notice. Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Why not see a doctor about the blood pressure? Do they pay overtime and have benefits?

  3. #3
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    I do not get paid overtime or have benefits. Another reason this doesn't seem worth it anymore. I'm making great tips but its basically covering the overtime pay I would get in a check.

  4. #4
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    Covid times are not normal times.
    You are either willing to help out with work or not.
    You opted for increased hours.

    Ok, some weeks mean you do a few hrs over and above the 40 , if you are not willing to do that then look at your roster and tell your manager that you are not willing to do the extra 4 hrs they gave you and itís ultimately up to them to decide which 4 hrs to knock off.
    If your contract is on a 7 day roster that you signed then you cannot pick and choose your shifts.

    If your contract was for 30 hrs only then you can reduce it back to that.

    What industry are you working in?

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  6. #5
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    I would be polite but firm and tell your manager you can't do more than 40 until after you take your GRE. I studied for my grad school entrance exam while working but I worked a strict 35-40 in an office and I studied at night/weekends, whenever I could. Doing well on the entrance exams changed my entire life - I took those exams in 1990. If you are going to grad school for a new or different career and want to go to the best school possible that is the top priority. No guilt. You are replaceable at this kind of job no matter how great you are plus you need however many hours over 40 to study. polite but firm.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    I'd tell the owner and manager that 40 hours a week is tops for you, that you just cant do more, any longer. They can hire another person to pick up what you no longer want to do. Guilt is a wasted emotion.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Here are some suggestions:

    You'll have to be more specific than "less hours". Tell your manager that you can manage 30 hours max if that's what you can manage. Try and think about how much time you'll need to study per day and add it up that way. Be clearer.

    I know how frustrating it is in the service/hospitality industry and I am saddened and frustrated for you. It's even harder with less staff available. Take good care of yourself and be more specific. Don't mention it in an offhand way at the end of a shift. Ask to speak with your manager for a few minutes and even better if you ask during a quiet moment or if you can talk in an office. Explain the situation with studying and how much time you need. Also be clear about your exam date and that this is a temporary situation because you'd like to resume working similar hours (after your exam) if you wish you work similar hours. Your manager needs to know that you like your job.

    You mentioned that you've looked elsewhere and are interviewing on Monday. Mentally prepare yourself for a new transition if this is what you want. Start framing yourself more clearly and looking long term in a new position. Post up any interview questions you have but may not be sure on how to answer. The forum can help you with that also.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    OP, you would do well to learn how to have and enforce some basic boundaries and how to say no firmly and politely. If you don't learn that, you'll find that no matter what the job or place, people will quickly start taking advantage of you and you'll continually find yourself in the same situation - overworked and stressed out.

    If you are only available to work 40 hours and see that you are scheduled over that, then go talk to the manager immediately about that schedule and tell her what you can and cannot do. If she reduces the schedule and then asks for you to keep on staying, again learn how to say no firmly and politely and leave at the end of your shift.

    They can hire someone else - tons of people looking for jobs - they don't need to though because they've got a martyr who is willing to kill herself working long shifts. Stop being a martyr and as another poster said, guilt is a worthless emotion. Stop wasting your energy on that and learn how to be firm and clear about what you will and will not do. You aren't the only server in town, so don't be so arrogant and self important about your position or your value to the business. In reality you are nothing but easy cheap labor and easily replaced if need be.

  10. #9
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    Thank you everyone for your advice. DancingFool you are spot on with those last few sentences. I had that exact thought myself. How egotistical of me to think they NEED me. Like you said, I'm just another worker to them.

    I do need to work on boundaries. I thought i was doing OK because I tried saying I needed less hours. But as another poster stated, I should have been clearer. Even then, I tried multiple times to decrease my hours and in fact the opposite happened. They expect me to kill myself over a job that I do not plan to make a career. Im the only one trying to find people. Im the only one making wanted ads. They didn't see the urgency in my situation.

    Anyways, I turn in my immediate resignation today for the sake of my sanity. I was finally able to get through to the school psychologist and have my intake appointment with her on Monday.

    I also have my interview Monday and the assistant manager that received my paperwork told me to be upfront with the general manager about what I need/hours im willing to work. Any advice on how to be firm, but still make a good impression?

  11. #10
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    Good luck with all and the exam!!!

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