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Thread: Not hook ups but not in a relationship? What is this?

  1. #11
    Silver Member LootieTootie's Avatar
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    not complicated at all.... this is FWB

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by confused198828
    I was discussing things with this person who was only suppose to really be a hook up/snuggle buddy. We got to talking about what we were to each other. We agreed we're not just hook ups but we're also not in a relationship. That we're definitely friends but that it's just a weird relationship we have. Or different. I don't know how to explain it. Has anyone ever been confused as to what they were with someone else they were involved with?
    Yes! I have been confused.

    In hindsight, it was because I had an internal conflict. The guy wasn't meeting my needs and I needed to walk.

    But! (and here's the conflict)

    I was afraid to let him go. I didnt want to. I liked & wanted the guy.

    I couldnt leave the guy. I was scared to lose him! I was scared to admit to him what I really needed. I acted like it was all cool....

    I was trying to figure out a way to hold on to the guy and eventually get him to be what I needed him to be.

    Its all very confusing and self-inflicted.

    You are in a FWB situation. Way back in the day, we didnt have a term for it. We were more vulgar and straight forward about it. Its just sex. No commitment. No muddying up the meaning of friendship.

    The "whole we really care about each other" commentary, is true. You both care, until something or someone else comes along. And it will make your head spin.

    A lot of people do enjoy no strings sex. Until they realize they need more. And that itch is very rarely scratched by the person they've been shagging...

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    FWBs are confusing and slippery because a person usually has expectations when they shouldn't have any. Technically, you don't owe each other anything, so he can text you today and then go two weeks without communicating with you and then all of a sudden text you for a booty call. He can start dating someone he's crazy about and never speak to you again. Basically, there's a lack of rules unless you agree to some together.

    Are you okay with any predicted scenario that pans out? Why not go through every scenario in your mind to delve into what you want and don't want with this type of relationship? It might help you to understand what you really want and to live your life according to what's best for you. FWBs are meant to be temporary, so are you okay with this not being a lifetime thing, whereas you also cannot be in each others lives anymore when one or both of you move into other more serious relationships, or move onto new FWB situations?

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by confused198828
    I'm well aware of his attentions as he is mine. We've talked about all of this before this happened. We were both honest and up front. I don't have intentions of finding anyone worth my time. I don't care for a relationship.
    Well you are wasting everyone's time on here then. Keep your situationship since you think it brings you validation. Good luck with your mental.

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  6. #15
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    Is there a problem ? A question even?

    FWBís are more than a hook up. The term might be new but itís centuries old.
    Two people mutually agreeing to have sex because they want sex but have not yet found someone they want to have a relationship with.

    When one or other meets someone they want to have both sex and a relationship with , the agreement ends.
    And you go seperate ways and donít have any further contact with each other. Ever.

    Itís a temporary verbal or even non verbal contract that ends when one chooses to and the other respects that.

    And thatís simply it.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    Is there a problem ? A question even?

    FWBís are more than a hook up. The term might be new but itís centuries old.
    Two people mutually agreeing to have sex because they want sex but have not yet found someone they want to have a relationship with.

    When one or other meets someone they want to have both sex and a relationship with , the agreement ends.
    And you go seperate ways and donít have any further contact with each other. Ever.

    Itís a temporary verbal or even non verbal contract that ends when one chooses to and the other respects that.

    And thatís simply it.
    I like practical women like you. You must have a pretty practical job.

    Or you are not a woman?

  8. #17
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Quite so Dazz.

    "Keep your situationship since you think it brings you validation".

    I suspect, OP, that these "brief encounters" serve as a kind of anaesthetic for you, given the stresses and domestic situation you described a couple years back.

  9. #18
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    If you don't desire to have more with this guy, then why do you continue to post threads abut him?

  10. #19
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Why would you need anyone else to define your relationship for you?

    Is the guy giving you what you want, or not?

    If so, then there you are, and you get to define that for yourself.

    If not, get clear about what you want. Then ask him for what you want. If he won't give it to you, go look for someone else who will.

    This is not complicated.

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