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Thread: To all Stay-At-Home Parents here

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    I was a stay-at-home (SAHM) for a few years while my sons were very young. I was very fortunate enough to have a husband who helped me with EVERYTHING ever since day one. He has always helped me to this day with all chores such as cooking, housecleaning, grocery shopping, all errands (gas for both cars, etc.), child rearing responsibilities, you name it, he did it without having been asked each and every time. He always picked up the slack. He's this way because his father always helped his mother. Like father, like son.

    You and your boyfriend should have a chore chart type schedule made on a spread sheet complete with timeline and specific duties. Everything should be printed such as child care duties, cleaning, cooking and errands. Being organized, cooperative and efficient is key so life runs smoothly like clockwork.

    My husband and I tag team or divide and conquer. It's the only way to run a successful, humming household.

    You are not unreasonable.

    I have a suggestion for cooking. Make extra food so you'll have warm up leftover dinners. Make double quantities of recipes which will save time and money later. Also, make easy, less time consuming meals.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Treating him like a child with a chore list will encourage more resentment and more childlike behavior. He's not an idiot, he's just lazy.

  3. #23
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    I believe in two things - dirt is inert (thank you Dr. Joy Browne, RIP) and if you possibly can -throw money at the problem (including when it comes to who does what cleaning, etc). I realize totally not everyone can hire help to clean!! Figure out what your realistic standards are for cleanliness, meal quality/variety and try to lower your expectations while you have a toddler. My son is 11 - he's home all the time now because of covid-19. Last night for dinner he had a cheese omelet and toast. Night before that slow cooked oats-oatmeal -with cinnamon and banana and a side of yogurt. He has healthy-ish takeout a few times a week for lunch (subs, quesadillas, etc). I eat lots of open faced sandwiches I make - tuna, salmon, avocado, rotisserie chicken (store bought) and I make plain pasta, steamed veggies, baked sweet potatoes -my husband gets his own dinner from the staples plus whatever protein we have around -chicken mostly for him, sometimes salmon or tuna. I get prepared foods like lasagna and eggplant parm. We don't go out to eat right now because of covid.

    I already shared my expectations of when I was home full time. Everyone has a different standard but figure out yours because that is key. I think chore lists are often counterproductive. My husband knows he puts in the clean garbage bag fillers after I take out the garbage. Not on a list. My husband does the handy stuff but I'm the one who calls repair people/handy people. Why? We're each better at those skills. Make it fair not equal. Not the same thing. My husband would never be able to scrub a floor like I can nor would he want to. I would never want to be stuck with troubleshooting this or that cable or TV issue and yes I'm happy to have him deal with our accountant for the tax stuff. For example.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    As I've mentioned previously, I suggested tag teaming and / or dividing and conquering.

    I myself don't have chore lists nor spreadsheets for my household because my husband and I tag team and / or divide and conquer. (Other households have spreadsheets so everyone knows their jurisdictions and daily responsibilities.)

    For example, I'm better at cooking than he is so while I menu plan and cook, he'll help by plucking herbs, washing vegetables, clean up the kitchen while I make the kitchen mess during the cooking process and he'll do post-dinner clean up.

    I'm more thorough with bathroom and kitchen clean up and while he helps me, he's better at yard work, car maintenance, car repairs, and home repairs which I will never do. I'll clean up but he always takes out the trash every night to our outdoor bins next to our garage and he takes out all the trash the night before trash truck day.

    I'll sew, replace a button, mend, sew quilts, immerse myself in calligraphy and various hobbies while he fixes things. He is "Mr. Fix It." He replaces light bulbs, makes sure nothing falls apart in the house, garage, replaces pipes, sprinkler parts, does all plumbing and electrical repairs and maintenance, etc. He's very handy. I lucked out there. We save a lot of money because we never have to hire contractors. He's a do it yourself type guy. He has handyman skills. I'm not a handyman. We balance each other out.

    We each have our talents and gifts and what we're good at. He'll replace the hummingbird feeder when it needs a refill. He'll replace and repair stucco and drywall. I don't do any of that. That is his domain and I have mine.

    With errands, we divide and conquer. Either one of us will grocery shop while the other spouse takes care of other various local errands. This saves time. The other day, I ran errands while my husband did the housecleaning and started dinner prep. We are a cohesive unit.

    We both pay the bills and do the taxes. We both monitor our household bookkeeping and accounting.

    Or, we'll tag team. I'll start and he'll take over and finish the job.

    When our sons were newborns, he got up during the middle of the night to change diapers, brought the baby to me to nurse, burped the baby and placed the baby back in his crib. He grocery shopped, cooked, did laundry, ran errands and I could always lean on him. He's very reliable and always picked up the slack.

    When my husband had surgeries, I took care of him and nursed him back to health. We help each other out because this is what love and respect is.

    Running a household and raising a family requires team work all the way however way you accomplish this. We have two sons and it's been team work all the way in order to thrive, keep everyone healthy and humming. Cooperation is the key to survival.

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