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Thread: BF feels scared and stressed when thinking about marrying me

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by ambereyes
    We are mid 20 and I’m his first live-in GF. He told me Before that he didn’t project his life this way (asking me to move in), he thought he would be a bachelor till 30 then wanting to settle down or something. But then he met me and things changed.

    Last night when we were talking he also said things like if we get a house together now and if things fall apart it can be a huge financial distress that will ruin our lives. So He’s feeling the fear.

    However he also said I should trust him to take care of those thoughts

    Yeah I don’t know what I’m feeling so my responses probably aren’t very collective at the moment
    "first live in girlfriend" implies that people should go through several.
    I honestly would move out. If all he can think about is "what if you don't last?" - i would not waste my time.
    Find a guy who is sure about you - and don't move in with someone just to move in with them unless you are both on the same page that its just convenience and you both do not intend to marry.
    If you are "meh" about commitment - congrats, you found a guy that feels the same.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Amber:

    " he thought he would be a bachelor till 30 then wanting to settle down or something"

    That's the first sane thing I've read, Amber. Nowadays few marry before they are thirty. Thirty is the new twenty!

    It is relatively simple, Amber. What's the big rush. Take a few more years to yourself (yourselves).

  3. #23
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    I say give some time but not too much time.

    I was with someone from the age of 22 to 33 and basically wanted a marriage. Unfortunately I kept waiting for him to make his mind up about me and if he also wanted the same thing. I kept thinking “Maybe another year will bring us closer to each other and getting married.” The one year then turned into three years until eight years with him passed. Then the last three was just us trying to break up and let go of each other.

    Be true to your wants and desires or else you could be with him much longer then anticipated and there goes your youth. Not to sound drab or dire, but it is a reality especially if you want a family.

  4. #24
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    I also want to add and clarify that what I said about there goes the youth is a metaphor for wasting time being with the wrong person. I just realized how bad that came out.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    Did you move in his place or did you find a new place together?

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by LaHermes
    Amber:

    " he thought he would be a bachelor till 30 then wanting to settle down or something"

    That's the first sane thing I've read, Amber. Nowadays few marry before they are thirty. Thirty is the new twenty!

    It is relatively simple, Amber. What's the big rush. Take a few more years to yourself (yourselves).
    Yeah I'm not rushing, I honestly don't think I rushed him either but, I am older than him so maybe he assumed...? I did tell him though, that I want to buy a house and it's nice to do it with him but it was just some good wishing, I guess he took it somewhat seriously?

    Howeverrrr, I admit I have this fear back in my mind that if this one doesnt work out, I will reach 30, and with some bad luck I may just not be able to have family and kids anymore...

  8. #27
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I say take a deep breath and give this some time—but, as another said, not too much. Listen to him, listen to yourself: two ever-changing organisms. You'll know sooner than later if what he's expressing are some edgy feelings triggered by moving in, to say nothing of a wild moment in human history, or something deeper, a divide between who you are and who he is that can't quite be bridged.

    Looking back a bit at my own 20s, I recall just about everyone I know being a little "freaked" whenever they did...well, anything new and "adult." Moving in, new job, everything seemed super consequential, with 30 looming as some moment when the cement dried and you were who you were, living the life you'll live forever and ever. Doesn't really work that way, I don't think. Which is scary, from one angle, but pretty thrilling from another.

  9. #28
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    So you mean, having doubts doesn't mean the relationship is already doomed? We need some more time to tell? ok..

    When we moved in, it was a way to see if we can be a forever thing. We thought it would be a simple “not working -break up” or “working-marriage” thing. But reality is apparently complicated. I think it's fair to say he is feeling somewhere in between-“ it’s working but I still need to make sure forever things are definitely what I want. I'm not there yet“.. so I need to decide if Im ok with him not being 100% sure yet.

    Also I feel like it's a word game. "Im not ready to marry you now" really is the same as "I'm not sure about being with you forever now", but everyone seems to think "not ready for marriage" is totally acceptable for some 25 year olds but "not sure about forever" is totally a deal breaker..
    Last edited by ambereyes; 07-19-2020 at 07:38 PM.

  10. #29
    Administrator kamurj's Avatar
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    Multiple accounts are not allowed. Thread closed.

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