Unsure about my boyfriend

Hi, I am 22 and just finished university. I have got a job, and I am in a relationship of a year and a half with a guy who's also my age and just graduated too.

Basically, he wanted to live together after we graduated. Then coronavirus hit, and he said we can move in together in July, when we have finished our courses. July came, he hadn't committed and said can we move in together in October. I was okay with this, we're young and I get he wanted his summer with his friends (his reasoning) as we live about 2 hours apart now.

So I moved in on a temporary lease somewhere. I was looking for a more permanent lease actually, and found one for six months, but he said he really wanted to move in together October. So I took the shorter lease in not as nice of an area, and was okay as I was saving a bit money from it.

Now, he is unsure about moving in again. I was a bit shocked, to be honest - at the beginning of this month, he was asking me to take a shorter lease so we could move in together October. I feel a bit jilted - it was okay if he didn't want to move in, we are young, it is more the promises then the retraction.

What do you think? My main worry is that I am expecting too much of him. Again I want to stress, I am not annoyed he's not moving in, more the messing me about. I am going to have to move all over again, without his support, in 3 months again.

You were smart to get your own place. He doesn't seem ready to live together. Agree, living together or not is a join decision, but not keeping his word at the expense of the type of place/lease you decided on stinks.

Ok take the 3 mos and find a nice place with nice roommates. How is the relationship otherwise? Does he seem a bit immature?

So I moved in on a temporary lease somewhere. I was looking for a more permanent lease actually, and found one for six months, but he said he really wanted to move in together October.

Now, he is unsure about moving in again. I am not annoyed he's not moving in, more the messing me about.

Thanls for getting back to me. I think that will be my plan.

The relationship otherwise is okay. It used to be really great at the start, and it is when we're together, but over long distance we just don't gel like we do when we're together.

He is a bit immature in some ways, as am I at times, but seems genuine in trying to understand me when I explain something makes me uncomfortable/feel upset. But when I explain I am a bit taken aback by this, he seems to retract that he said he wanted to move in at this date, he thought I wanted this particular flat, etc.

I wouldn't wait around for him to make up his mind. In three months move into the place of your liking and sign a year lease. At the end of the year, you both should have a more settled idea of what you want.

Thank you for your reply. I think the problem is I don't really want to wait around here till he figures it out. The plan was, we'd live here for a year till we moved somewhere different, somewhere more suited for us. I think if he doesn't want to do that, I don't want to wait here alone.

Well, OP, you asked:

"What do you think?"

Straight answer. You are both so so young.

In say eight years time tell me where you are at.

At 22 all life is before you. You don't need support.

Thank you for your reply. I think the problem is I don't really want to wait around here till he figures it out. The plan was, we'd live here for a year till we moved somewhere different, somewhere more suited for us. I think if he doesn't want to do that, I don't want to wait here alone.

I don't think 22 is too young. My mom and also best highschool friend were married by that time, one of my nieces married at 17 a couple of years ago - so you do you. Do what makes the most sense for you financially right now. He is not behaving in a reliable way. Don't let it impact you.

Thank you for your reply. I think the problem is I don't really want to wait around here till he figures it out. The plan was, we'd live here for a year till we moved somewhere different, somewhere more suited for us. I think if he doesn't want to do that, I don't want to wait here alone.

What would you like to see happen? Do you absolutely see him in your future?

I would really like for us to do what we planned originally - it was save up for a year living together, then move to a city to try it, travelling as much as possible inbetween. We spoke about it quite a bit.

I can do it on my own, but I just thought it would be more fun to do it with someone else I really love. I have friends obviously but they are all tied up with their own projects, very fairly. I just really didn't want to do it alone, although it feels like I am anyway now.

(Sorry this was for SarahLancaster)

Thank you for your reply. I think financially like you said that has to come first, I am supporting myself and can't wait here forever as my job isn't enough for more than one. It is a bit scary to think he wouldn't be a phone call away to ask for advice though if our relationship ended.

(Sorry this was for Batya33)

Well, OP, you asked:

 

"What do you think?"

 

Straight answer. You are both so so young.

 

In say eight years time tell me where you are at.

 

At 22 all life is before you. You don't need support.

It's true, we're young! Just the feelings are very strong

Don't be scared, Grimes. There are people you can always ask for advice, and the more objective the better, I might add.

What might seem scary can actually be exhilarating. You'll see.

And I do understand about the feelings, OP. I was also once twenty-two!! At 20 I struck out on my own, and the last thing on my mind was to tie myself to anyone, at least not for several years.

Don't be scared, Grimes. There are people you can always ask for advice, and the more objective the better, I might add.

 

And I do understand about the feelings, OP. I was also once twenty-two!! At 20 I struck out on my own, and the last thing on my mind was to tie myself to anyone, at least not for several years.

LaHermes, I think you're right in the end. I think it's going to be a case of looking out for me and if he fits in the puzzle, he does. If he doesn't, there'll be others. I really don't want to wait about here till he decides. Thank you

That's the spirit! Onward and upwards! Life is full of surprises. Believe me.

He's not that serious about you, got "cold feet" and doesn't wish to commit to you.

Both of you are 2 hours apart. Be prepared to drift apart if you two remain 2 hours apart. Not everyone is willing to engage in time consuming back 'n forth travel to see each other.

Don't expect much from him. Continue living on your own and enjoy your independence! Living together is way overrated with bills, chores, errands and running a household.

Do what's best for you. Don't put your life on hold for someone else. I had a partner like that awhile ago and it didn't work for similar reasons. Deep down, perhaps unwilling to imagine it at the time, I already knew in my gut that we weren't right together. In hindsight I should have been more vocal about it, had a bit more courage to face that, but I didn't and went ahead and bought my own place. Without him or without talking about it at all. It didn't work and we split up a little less than a year later.

This should be an exciting time for you - school has finished. You're on your way.

I'm sorry this is happening. Keep up the momentum with other areas of your life. Maybe it's time to take a look at whether this relationship is as fulfilling or something you see yourself in.

Speaking only for myself, I'd lean forward into my own solo plans. Period.

If the guy ever wants to catch up with you, he'll have zero problem doing so. If not, then he'll keep inventing barriers, and you get to decide whether he's worth holding out for.

The guy's worthiness as a BF versus his readiness as a live-in partner can be two different things. You get to decide whether one is dependent on the other, but it makes no sense to pause your life to wait for anyone.

Head high, move forward, and you'll thank yourself later. BF will either catch up with you or not, but that's up to him, not you--unless you're done with waiting for him. That's valid.