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Thread: Unsure about my boyfriend

  1. #1
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    Unsure about my boyfriend

    Hi, I am 22 and just finished university. I have got a job, and I am in a relationship of a year and a half with a guy who's also my age and just graduated too.

    Basically, he wanted to live together after we graduated. Then coronavirus hit, and he said we can move in together in July, when we have finished our courses. July came, he hadn't committed and said can we move in together in October. I was okay with this, we're young and I get he wanted his summer with his friends (his reasoning) as we live about 2 hours apart now.

    So I moved in on a temporary lease somewhere. I was looking for a more permanent lease actually, and found one for six months, but he said he really wanted to move in together October. So I took the shorter lease in not as nice of an area, and was okay as I was saving a bit money from it.

    Now, he is unsure about moving in again. I was a bit shocked, to be honest - at the beginning of this month, he was asking me to take a shorter lease so we could move in together October. I feel a bit jilted - it was okay if he didn't want to move in, we are young, it is more the promises then the retraction.

    What do you think? My main worry is that I am expecting too much of him. Again I want to stress, I am not annoyed he's not moving in, more the messing me about. I am going to have to move all over again, without his support, in 3 months again.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You were smart to get your own place. He doesn't seem ready to live together. Agree, living together or not is a join decision, but not keeping his word at the expense of the type of place/lease you decided on stinks.

    Ok take the 3 mos and find a nice place with nice roommates. How is the relationship otherwise? Does he seem a bit immature?
    Originally Posted by Grimes
    So I moved in on a temporary lease somewhere. I was looking for a more permanent lease actually, and found one for six months, but he said he really wanted to move in together October.
    Now, he is unsure about moving in again. I am not annoyed he's not moving in, more the messing me about.

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    Thanls for getting back to me. I think that will be my plan.

    The relationship otherwise is okay. It used to be really great at the start, and it is when we're together, but over long distance we just don't gel like we do when we're together.

    He is a bit immature in some ways, as am I at times, but seems genuine in trying to understand me when I explain something makes me uncomfortable/feel upset. But when I explain I am a bit taken aback by this, he seems to retract that he said he wanted to move in at this date, he thought I wanted this particular flat, etc.

  4. #4
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    I wouldn't wait around for him to make up his mind. In three months move into the place of your liking and sign a year lease. At the end of the year, you both should have a more settled idea of what you want.

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    Thank you for your reply. I think the problem is I don't really want to wait around here till he figures it out. The plan was, we'd live here for a year till we moved somewhere different, somewhere more suited for us. I think if he doesn't want to do that, I don't want to wait here alone.

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    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Well, OP, you asked:

    "What do you think?"

    Straight answer. You are both so so young.

    In say eight years time tell me where you are at.

    At 22 all life is before you. You don't need support.

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    Originally Posted by Grimes
    Thank you for your reply. I think the problem is I don't really want to wait around here till he figures it out. The plan was, we'd live here for a year till we moved somewhere different, somewhere more suited for us. I think if he doesn't want to do that, I don't want to wait here alone.
    I don't think 22 is too young. My mom and also best highschool friend were married by that time, one of my nieces married at 17 a couple of years ago - so you do you. Do what makes the most sense for you financially right now. He is not behaving in a reliable way. Don't let it impact you.

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    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Grimes
    Thank you for your reply. I think the problem is I don't really want to wait around here till he figures it out. The plan was, we'd live here for a year till we moved somewhere different, somewhere more suited for us. I think if he doesn't want to do that, I don't want to wait here alone.
    What would you like to see happen? Do you absolutely see him in your future?

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    I would really like for us to do what we planned originally - it was save up for a year living together, then move to a city to try it, travelling as much as possible inbetween. We spoke about it quite a bit.

    I can do it on my own, but I just thought it would be more fun to do it with someone else I really love. I have friends obviously but they are all tied up with their own projects, very fairly. I just really didn't want to do it alone, although it feels like I am anyway now.

    (Sorry this was for SarahLancaster)

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    Thank you for your reply. I think financially like you said that has to come first, I am supporting myself and can't wait here forever as my job isn't enough for more than one. It is a bit scary to think he wouldn't be a phone call away to ask for advice though if our relationship ended.

    (Sorry this was for Batya33)

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