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Thread: Moving in with your partner, different tastes?

  1. #21
    Platinum Member
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    Originally Posted by LaHermes
    Great stuff, JMan!

    And yes.

    "Wasting money leaving it (the coffee maker) behind and replacing it simply for the sake of a perfectly uniform kitchen is ridiculous, especially with the financial strain of a new home."



    And yes, JMan, that's about the size of it:

    "The bigger question is whether you'll grab hold of your sack and tell her in no simpler terms that it's happening. "

    If OP doesn't want to become a lilac coloured floor rag then he'd better put his foot down.
    It would also be highly hurtful and offensive to the gift giver if you gave it away or sold it to get one that "matches".

  2. #22
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Fully agree, Abit.

    One of my nieces, bless her, gave me a present of a wooden cat with purple and blue spangles across its front and very peculiar eyes. It could give you a fright coming upon it in the dark lol. And it sure doesn't fit in with our decor. But no way would I part with it.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    You'll have to sit down together and talk this one out. Bluecastle explained it best. Think about what matters most to you in terms of what you need for the home to feel like home.

    She's trying hard to express herself through the home because it means a lot to her also and she may be more sensitive to comments from friends and family. Somewhere in the conversation ask her if she's feeling a lot of pressure. Both of you have to be able to talk about these things. People don't jump to OCD-like tendencies with mugs and towels all of a sudden. If I were to think of her and what she's feeling there's only one word there - stress. This person is stressed. Find out why.

    She may also feel like she's controlling herself quite a lot by not snapping at you for other things. Maybe you don't sort your dirty laundry or you leave things out without putting them back right after. Ask her if you're doing anything lately that's upsetting. Check in with each other on the whole move in thing and see whether you can relax a bit more. Go shopping together. Return a few items that are useless, replace them with things that are useful. Find a safe spot for items you like that you can use. Ask her what she likes too to make things more convenient when she's doing things around the house. There's a lot of tension right now. Talk more with each other.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    The garage is yours and you only need one more room that is yours as well.

    Is there a room that you can put your stuff in that is more aligned with your taste?

    In the grand scheme of things is her style so off putting that you cannot stand it? Compromise in any relationship is key as is communication. This will be a good test of both of your conflict resolution skills.

    Time to talk this out and find some common ground. To most guys where they live is a house, to women it is an extension of who they are because they make it a home... Remember that.

    First lesson of marriage: Pick your battles leaving your ego at the curb.

    Lost

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Time to sit down and have a heart to heart conversation that this is an "our" place, not her personal single place where she gets to do what she wants without giving a thought to anyone else. In other words, you need to have that awkward discussion with an adult about things like basic consideration toward others and their tastes, input, comfort, and convenience, not to mention sentimental value possession and the fact that there needs to be space for that in the home.

    I personally find it a bit mind boggling that you actually have to deal with this and need to explain this to an adult. However, after reading some responses.....she probably was raised with the attitude that it's "her job" to decorate and that a man shouldn't have any input. It's wild and sad that people actually think like that, because all that does is strain relationships or even destroy them.

    Either way, OP, it's going to be on you to educate her that no, she doesn't get to take over and completely disregard who you are and what you want in your own home in order to feel comfortable. Time to sit down and have a long and serious talk about it. Don't avoid it and don't delay any further. This is what you call healthy conflict in that it can lead to better harmony between you and a better relationship if you can resolve it and come to a better understanding of each other. If she pitches a fit and refuses to compromise.....you'll have some hard decisions to make.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    The OP, Laurence, hasn't returned to comment on our words of wisdom. Lol.

    Just to recap. It isn't that the OP has any difficulty with the "decor" but rather that his GF won't let him bring into the home a red mug and a coffee maker that he got as gifts.

    AS DF remarks:

    " It's wild and sad that people actually think like that, because all that does is strain relationships or even destroy them.
    "



    In fact it is so crazy as to be far-fetched.

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