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Thread: Thanks for all the advice. It was spot on!!

  1. #1
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    Thanks for all the advice. It was spot on!!

    I want to thank everyone who commented and left advice on my postings the past few years concerning the turbulent relationship I was in. And to let everyone who posted know, that you were all right!!!

    Once a habitual cheating liar, always a habitual cheating liar. And if this has been her behavior for the past 35+ years, your not going to change that behavior. Your not special to her, your just like every other man who thought their relationship was different.

    It's a long story, but after our breakup, she faked a suicide attempt before moving out. I was not at home, but her two best friends called me crying and concerned and they rushed her to the hospital. Apparently, her daughter found her with my gun in her hands in the floor crying. She asked if I would come see her at the hospital, so I did, even brought her pizza like she asked (because I was genuinely concerned). To keep this short, she thought they were only going to keep her for a day and let her go home, but they kept her for 4 days overnight. Apparently the hospitals don't play when there's a suicide threat. She got extremely angry when they wouldn't let her go home, and she called her two best friends who admitted her and blamed them for her being in the hospital. Ironically, when she got out she called one of her best friends to go out to a bar. That's when her two best friends of 20 years were furious and realized she had faked it for attention. That is when her friends found out what histrionic personality disorder is, and she exhibited 13 of the 14 symptoms (she's not gullible or easily influenced by others). (And, yes, attempting suicide for attention is the last one!)

    Be uncomfortable unless he or she is the center of attention.

    Dress provocatively and/or exhibit inappropriately seductive or flirtatious behavior.

    Shift emotions rapidly

    Act very dramatically, as though performing before an audience, with exaggerated emotions and expressions, yet appears to lack sincerity

    Be overly concerned with physical appearance

    Constantly seek reassurance or approval

    Be gullible and easily influenced by others

    Be excessively sensitive to criticism or disapproval

    Have a low tolerance for frustration and be easily bored by routine, often beginning projects without finishing them or skipping from one event to another

    Not think before acting

    Make rash decisions

    Be self-centered and rarely show concern for others

    Have difficulty maintaining relationships, often seeming fake or shallow in their dealings with others

    Threaten or attempt suicide to get attention

    Found on webmd.com (It won't let me post the link)

    That's when her two best friends decided to tell me everything, and all her bad decisions over the last 20 years including her two failed marriages because of infidelity, and her infidelity while she was with me. I found out she had a rotation of men she has been sleeping with for the last 10 years, and some of them married that she's had on-going affairs with. Nothing was stopping her. She would sleep with whoever she wanted (regardless if they were married or she was married).

    On the surface, she misled everyone. She has a great career, and seemed like she had her life together. She was volunteering for a battered women's shelter, very active in the church community, and even worked for a furniture donation store for the needy. But unfortunately, I found out she was having an affair with a married man at her church, and sleeping with another married man who worked at her furniture donation store.

    I found out she had multiple affairs on me while we were together, that coordinated with all the breakups that we had. Someone had mentioned that she broke up with me so that she would not be considered a cheater... The only problem is, she slept with the guys first, then broke up with me. She pulled this stunt three times.

    I didn't want to believe it, but everyone was right. In the end, she's a 53-year-old woman who wanted me to settle down with her but she didn't want to settle down with me. She was still wanting to play the field.

    I have not seen, or heard from her since she moved out last year. We still have mutual friends that are distant, but I heard from them that she still talks trash about me. Just a few days ago, she told a friend of hers that she "had to change her phone number because I was stalking her". How can I stalk her through her phone number?? I have no idea where she lives, and told her before she moved out that I didn't want to know. She gets mail here every now and then, and I just mark on it return to sender and put it back in the mailbox. I was also told that she's back to her old tricks, and dating a married man. A friend of mine said "she's been seeing a married man for the last couple months, so maybe she got her phone number changed so the man's wife couldn't find her". Yep, 53 and still going out with married men..

    It's kind of funny, I guess I'm still relevant in her mind and she's still thinking about me as she talks trash about me. I have found it best just to not say anything, as her true self has really come forward in front of everybody without me having to say anything.

    Thanks for all the advice. I wish I would have paid more attention to it and I probably could have gotten back the last five years i wasted on her. I went back to my old therapist last year, and got some great advice from her. Don't ignore the red flags. I knew they were there, but I just looked the other way, thinking I would be happy with her. But I now realize that those red flags were the demise of all the relationships she's had with men for the past 35 years. She lost 6 of her best friends of 20+ years that have gotten older and we're tired of her antics.

    I will now take the advice more seriously, not ignore the red flags, and respect and love my next relationship partner without being walked on, and stay true to myself.

    Ironically, I met someone the night my ex moved out of the house, because I didn't want to be there while she was moving. And to complicate things more, an old friend of mine for the past 10 years has been getting close to me (which I need advice on as well), which I'll post on another thread.

    Thanks so much for listening and reading. This was a very long life lesson.
    Thanks for listening! Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You dodged a bullet. Hopefully she doesn't reappear. Do not talk to mutual friends or keep any connection to her. She has firearms, is unstable and knows where you live.
    Originally Posted by Chadwick00
    her daughter found her with my gun in her hands in the floor crying. they kept her for 4 days overnight. Apparently the hospitals don't play when there's a suicide threat.

    I have not seen, or heard from her since she moved out last year.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    It's great that you've finally realized that the relationship was toxic...... However, I sincerely hope that you actually take some time out to figure out yourself and what attracted you to a toxic situation and why you clung on to that for dear life BEFORE you jump into another relationship. As you said, you knew it was toxic, you saw the red flags, but all that didn't matter to you - you just kept going clinging on. I hope you actually spend some time facing up to yourself and perhaps owning some unpleasant truths about what drove you.

    It's great that you have a couple of ladies who are interested, but maybe....take some time out to do some internal spring cleaning first...... Don't just jump into the next relationship because you are afraid to be single.

  4. #4
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    Thanks, Wiseman. The gun is actually mine, and ( call me naive), but I don't expect to see her try to come back. She knows that I now everything now, and there's too much damage to ever repair this disaster. :)

    Thanks, Dancing fool. I've considered "spring cleaning".

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Don't just consider it....do it. :)


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