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Thread: Was I too sensitive or insecure??

  1. #31
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    Originally Posted by JoHarvelle
    I do accept responsibility. It was wrong of me to stay with him. Now, I know that it was because of my self-sacrifice schema that I was so protective of him and felt like I had to stick by his side no matter what. I'm aware of it now and I'm working on myself but I know change is not gonna happen overnight.
    I'm not gonna take him back and he's not gonna reach out. He invited me over once when he was drunk after all this and asked me to come over. I didn't go and he deleted my number.
    My friends and family all hate him now. They say I used to be so confident and I need to go back to the way I was.
    You are right, even if he did love me, it was in his own selfish and unhealthy way so it doesn't really matter.
    Thanks for your help.
    Goof for you! It sounds like you are on a great path.

    Please know, when someone loves another, they don't treat them, as he treated you. There are people out there who target people with low self esteem, for the purpose of bullying, to make themselves feel better. This has nothing to do with love, but about how they abuse to feel better about themselves. The sooner that you acknowledge this, the sooner you will be able to stop blaming yourself and recognize what type of monster he is. Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #32
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    He has given you the great gift of clear 20/20 hindsight. If abusers and assorted others were so easy to spot, no one would find themselves with them.

    However when someone gives you a family history like this or complains too much about their 'unfortunate childhood', mental health problems, hard luck, etc., feel compassion but walk away.

    Self proclaimed "victims" of everything unfortunately often have narcissistic tenancies because they see the world through their own pity-party perspective, forgetting that everyone else under the sun has has some hardships too. Thus the sine qua non of narcissism - lack of empathy.
    Originally Posted by JoHarvelle
    I have been since you told me to do so. Thanks!

  3. #33
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2

    Self proclaimed "victims" of everything unfortunately often have narcissistic tenancies because they see the world through their own pity-party perspective, forgetting that everyone else under the sun has has some hardships too. Thus the sine qua non of narcissism - lack of empathy.
    That's exactly what my therapist says, that he has narcissistic tendencies.
    Of course, I was far from perfect myself. I even walked away and threatened to break up when I didn't have the strength to do so and I came back myself and I threw a lot of tantrums. I feel really embarrassed when I think about it. But I'm trying to learn to forgive myself and keep reminding myself that this was not my normal behavior but a response to being neglected and that my biggest mistake was not walking away and staying away.

  4. #34
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    He has given you the great gift of clear 20/20 hindsight. If abusers and assorted others were so easy to spot, no one would find themselves with them.

    However when someone gives you a family history like this or complains too much about their 'unfortunate childhood', mental health problems, hard luck, etc., feel compassion but walk away.

    Self proclaimed "victims" of everything unfortunately often have narcissistic tenancies because they see the world through their own pity-party perspective, forgetting that everyone else under the sun has has some hardships too. Thus the sine qua non of narcissism - lack of empathy.
    Spot on....

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