Idk what to do at this point ?!

Okay so me and my bf been together for 2 years going on 3 and the relationship started off rocky. In the beginning I felt like it was a one sided (my side)type of love. Idk why I stayed with him. He would talk to other girls and flirt them and everything but he always played the I love u card so I was like okay whatever. So I thought the relationship would get better over time but I was wrong. This relationship is toxic. He always disrespects me like

On a daily basis. I’m always a hoe and trash and I just let anyone sleep with me and I don’t respect myself and I’m fat and useless and etc. we fight daily and I’m just so over this relationship but Idk what is wrong with me, when I try to leave he pulls out the I love you and starts crying and blowing up my phone and I thought this was cute in the beginning but this has happened like a million times and at this point I don’t even care what he’s saying. When I try to break up he blows my phone up and I’ve blocked him and he just calls me from other phones and platforms or he’ll just come to my house. How do I leave this relationship because I truly don’t want it but there’s some part inside of me that like don’t leave him and I’m truly a “I feel bad” type of person too so yeah sorry if this is just all over the place

Okay so me and my bf been together for 2 years going on 3 and the relationship started off rocky. He would talk to other girls and flirt them and everything but he always played the I love u card so I was like okay whatever. This relationship is toxic. He always disrespects me like On a daily basis. I’m always a hoe and trash and I just let anyone sleep with me and I don’t respect myself and I’m fat and useless and etc. we fight daily. when I try to leave he pulls out the I love you and starts crying and blowing up my phone and I thought this was cute in the beginning but this has happened like a million times and at this point I don’t even care what he’s saying. When I try to break up he blows my phone up and I’ve blocked him and he just calls me from other phones and platforms or he’ll just come to my house. How do I leave this relationship because I truly don’t want it but there’s some part inside of me that like don’t leave him and I’m truly a “I feel bad” type of person too so yeah sorry if this is just all over the place

You're not kidding when you say this "relationship" is toxic. Good thing you recognise this. Make no mistake, this is clear as day abuse and the sooner you leave the better. I honestly cannot understand WHY you can't leave and what it is that holds you there. I couldn't think of anything more miserable than being in such an abusive/toxic dysfunctional relationship.

Show him, once and for all, that you have enough self-respect and end it. Then block and delete ALL forms of contact. Even if it means you have to change all your email addresses, phone numbers etc etc. If he comes to your house, don't answer and if you have to, file a restraining order. The sooner you get out of this the better. The big question here is: WILL you?

He is downright abusive, OP.

You'll be ready to leave when you value yourself enough to not be treated so poorly anymore. There is zero reason to feel bad for him, and the fact that you do suggests you need to do a lot of inner work. You will get there. Let this be the turning point in your life where you indulge in self-love so you don't allow other abusers into your life in the future.

When you do end it, block him everywhere. If he continues to harass you or show up where he's not wanted, inform authorities.

Tell trusted friends and family what is going on. You know it's abusive but are stuck in the cycle of abuse. Reach out for help getting out of this.

Read up on abusive relationships.

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/domestic-violence-and-abuse.htm

It’s quite clear that he doesn’t love you and never has.

You deserve to be loved so stop “trying” to leave him and just do it.

You don’t live together so it should be relatively simple.

Tell him you are over. No chance of reconciliation. Don’t go into any details because that just allows him to exercise control and talk you out of your reasons. (Not out of love , just control)

Text him it. He doesn’t deserve face to face anymore.

Then block him on every platform you can .

If he finds a way to contact you via a friends phone or whatever then block them too.

If he comes to your home don’t answer and tell whoever you are living with not to answer no matter his reasons.

Change your routine a little. For a few weeks. Don’t go to the gym etc at your usual times. Go on a different day or at different times.

Essentially disappear from him for a few weeks.

He will get bored of your silence eventually and move on.

Get a new phone number and don't give it out to anyone who could give it to him. You need to put some starch in your backbone, pack your stuff and leave. Go stay with a friend or family until you can sort out accommodations. It's up to you to put an end to this crap. He is an abusive jerk.

Clearly his actions show that he does not love you. What he does love, is using you as an emotional punching bag. What he does love is treating you like sh*t.

Change your number and call the police if he comes to your home. Time to take some action.

Do your friends and family about all of this? Have you considered counseling?

Apparently this has less to do with him wanting you in his life, but more to do with his potential loss of control, as well as losing his role of being center stage.

Since he knows he can get away with his shenanigans without experiencing any consequences, and if you're truly sincere about ending it, your best recourse is to file a restraining order.

ETA, I could be off base, but I'm not convinced that you're ready to end this.

I'm so sorry, you deserve so much better than to be called those things and treated this way. I think you know what you need to do, and everyone here is agreeing and supporting you in that. Do you have friends or family who will help you? Praying for you.