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Thread: My boyfriend keeps staring at other girls

  1. #1

    My boyfriend keeps staring at other girls

    He just won't stop. At the beginning it was more intense, like he would turn around to check out the girl. Sometimes he stared at them really intense beside me. Now he's making efforts because I told him that I don't like it, but he fails sometimes. He stare at them, and he told me sometimes he's wondering how the girl would be as a girlfriend, or even sometimes he told me he has sexual desires. I know it's not wrong to notice attractive people, but when it's staring at them beside me, I feel like an idiot. He told me he does it when we're not together, but I just can't imagine my boyfriend gawking at other girls.. maybe I'm too jealous, but I just don't like this feeling it gives me. I'm always scared whenever we're out in public. I just moved in with him and now I feel like that's a mistake because I know in my heart, he won't change. He's 33 and I'm 22. He told me he won't cheat on me but the way he acts in public doesn't convince me. Plus he has a huge problem with porn and masturbating. (Wich is ok, but he watches porn at least more than 5 times a day)
    I don't know what I should do... Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #2
    Platinum Member SooSad33's Avatar
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    He 'looks' at them.. they all do. No reason to react really- except maybe work on your jealousy.. try to contain it.
    Not sure how long you have been involved.. BUT you are now living with him.. IMO, that says a lot.

    Looking is normal. We all look... right? ;)

    As for that porn stuff etc? Whoaa.. I do see that a bit of an issue.. Maybe look that up on what is NOT normal.. could be sex crazed kinda guy.. lack of control.. I dont see that as normal.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    You're right that he's probably not going to stop. I'm sorry this is happening. Staring openly or gawking as you say is not ok. Can you support yourself? Where are your parents or family? It's up to you whether you want to spend your life unhappy and fearful.

    What matters is how your partner makes you feel in and outside of the home. If you're upset, fearful, sad and confused most of the time, this isn't a good place to be.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    You do know what to do, dump his butt.

    He has zero respect for you if this is how he behaves. It doesn't matter if you're around or not, he should have enough self control than to be staring down women.

    (Men can control it, don't believe it if they tell you they can't). It's a choice. The lower grade ones will behave this way. You don't have to take it.

    Add into it that he is mastrubating and using porn and does it about 5 times a day. He is an addict and he needs counselling. (though I highly doubt he will admit to having a problem).

    This man is too immature, too selfish and too focused on his own pee pee to be a decent man to anyone. You've got no choice but to end things with him, unless you want more disappointment and upset.

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  6. #5
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by palevampire1
    He just won't stop. . he would turn around to check out the girl. Sometimes he stared at them really intense beside me. He stare at them, and he told me sometimes he's wondering how the girl would be as a girlfriend, or even sometimes he told me he has sexual desires. but when it's staring at them beside me, I feel like an idiot.

    Plus he has a huge problem with porn and masturbating. (Wich is ok, but he watches porn at least more than 5 times a day)
    I don't know what I should do...
    Clearly he has NO filter and no boundaries. Staring, and turning around to continue staring, and then telling you he wonders what they would be like as a girlfriend or have sex with them ........ um, yeah......talk about totally disrespecting you. Wow. There's no issue with him looking, as we all look. But what he's doing is nothing near "looking".

    Add that to his porn 5 times a day ...... All you need to do is ask yourself if you can deal with this for the rest of your life, because he will NOT change and it usually gets worse. I know what I would do. Choice is yours.

  7. #6
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    This guy does not respect you, OP.

    It's not as if he's just glancing at an attractive woman, discreetly. He's going far beyond that and it's incredibly crude and inconsiderate. You also say he's watching porn 5 times a day. This isn't normal. it's obvious you're not happy.

    Get out and find a guy who doesn't come with these issues.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How long have you been dating? Cut your losses, he sounds like the idiot.

  9. #8
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    There are two things going on here imo.

    One is yes he checks out other girls. As do many guys, some are a bit more discreet about it.
    He doesnít think itís an issue because yes in his mind he will not cheat on you. Thatís probably true.

    Secondly itís your insecurity. Iím only guessing here but perhaps you are the one to notice a good looking girl first based on your own self esteem and insecurity. Then you watch to see how he will react when he sees her? And him noticing and looking at her is magnified in your mind?

    His porn watching is excessive.

    Some people will be very ok with all of the above. But itís not about some people , itís about you.

    Why did you move in with him? Clearly not out of commitment by either of you?
    Was it convenient? For him , you , or both of you?

    And is it equally as convenient for you to move out?

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Honestly, OP, dump this guy.

    it's a cop out to say everyone looks. What he is doing is creepy and hurtful.

    Where are your boundaries?

    Why would you tolerate a man that tells you he images other women as his girlfriend?

    You do not or should not accept your unhappy and SCARED feelings as something you need to control. These are your gut and heart trying to tell your brain this is not for you!

    He is basically, conditioning you, exploiting your youth to accept creepy, disrespectful behavior as normal.

    Masturbating is normal. 5 times a day is not. This guy has issues! run! run now!

  11. #10
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    It was more intense at the beginning? You should have dumped him then.... it's disrespectful. I agree this guy is full blown perv.

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