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Thread: My boyfriend keeps staring at other girls

  1. #11
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Sorry about all this.

    I agree with the general sentiments here. To my eyes, what's most disturbing here is not the staring, uncool as it is, but his explanations of it: that he sometimes fantasizes about these women, wonders what they'd be like as a girlfriend. That is the moment that a self-secure person wishes someone all the best in life, and then cuts bait to find someone who is genuinely secure rather than someone who, well, is clearly not.

    This sort of dynamic only "works" if you're willing to disrespect yourself as much as he does you, and women in general. Think about that for a moment. If a relationship is a form of nourishment—and it is, I believe—then this is a bit like eating only processed, artery-clogging food and hoping to feel healthy as the body rots. Someone who is bad for your spirit—who upsets your gut, as this guy is—is not someone to invest in. Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    central Florida
    There is a big difference between enjoying eye candy that happens to pass your way versus actively and regularly seeking out women to ogle for your sexual pleasure. That's predatory, sick behavior, and those type of men also often like to see the woman's reaction to his gawking, which is why he blatantly does this as opposed to being discreet.

    Would I be jealous? No, more like disgusted by that, along with his over-the-top porn issues. I don't see how you even stand five minutes with this guy.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    How disrespectful to you and the women. The porn is excessive. The guy is gross!

    You should have dumped him long ago! Why have you tolerated this by staying?
    Last edited by Hollyj; 07-16-2020 at 12:07 PM.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Your boyfriend has a roving eye. Beware.

    He doesn't have integrity. He's not a moral man. He treats you with disrespect.

    You need to dump him. Be with a man closer to your age, too. You can relate better to a man within your generation. My cousin married a man 10 years older as did my mother. HUGE mistake and a lifetime of regrets.


  6. #15
    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    I had this issue with my own husband but he just looked. It was my own insecurity and i worked on it but to make those comments is just pure disrespectful. He sounds like a moron. Why did you move in with him?

    The porn may be more the issue as it is not healthy or normal to watch it that much. Sounds like he has a problem.

    With the above comment about being with someone older, my husband is 13 years older than me. Been together 12 years, married 5 years and have a baby together. Have plenty in common too. She just maybe needs to find a guy who treats her like a Queen.

  7. #16
    Bronze Member quark's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    "I feel like that's a mistake because I know in my heart, he won't change"

    You gave yourself the answer in your original post. Going to echo everyone else here by saying that not only is it disrespectful to openly stare at other girls while you're with your SO..it is absolutely absurd to tell your SO that you are fantasizing about a relationship or sexual relations with those girls. You should have dropped him back then.
    As for the porn, I also agree that it sounds like he may have an addiction/problem. Not a deal breaker if you truly love someone, but he is not worth your time if he can't even have the common decency or respect to treat you well.
    I feel like it's only a matter of time before he cheats, if he hasn't already. Make arrangements to move out!

  8. #17
    Originally Posted by Billie28
    There are two things going on here imo.

    One is yes he checks out other girls. As do many guys, some are a bit more discreet about it.
    He doesn’t think it’s an issue because yes in his mind he will not cheat on you. That’s probably true.

    Secondly it’s your insecurity. I’m only guessing here but perhaps you are the one to notice a good looking girl first based on your own self esteem and insecurity. Then you watch to see how he will react when he sees her? And him noticing and looking at her is magnified in your mind?
    The guy straight up tells her he’s wondered what these women he’s ogling would be like as his girlfriend or in an intimate setting. That is not her mind magnifying things. That is a very point-blank statement saying he’s thinking of what life would be like with these women instead of his GF.

    OP, this guy seems very disrespectful to your feelings. The sheer level of disrespect is on another level. Lose the loser.

  9. #18
    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    How disrespectful to you and the women. The porn is excessive. The guy is gross!

    You should have dumped him long ago! Why have you tolerated this by staying?
    Because he stopped, but sometimes he does it. And whenever there's a minimum of beauty in the girl, he stare at her.

  10. #19
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    How long have you been dating? Cut your losses, he sounds like the idiot.
    6 months now

  11. #20
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Originally Posted by palevampire1
    6 months now
    Only six months and throughout he has shown you nothing but disrespect. I would have said that "maybe", if he was a young teen or early 20's he's still very immature and needs to grow up. But at age 33 .......He WON'T change. This is who he is. If you stay with him all you do is show him that you accept this gross behaviour. Your choice. I would say cut your losses and dump his a$$.

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