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Thread: Fiance of 8 years, two small kids, stepson, neverending issues/resentment

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Andrina
    Some people are diamonds in the rough and just need guidance with both solitary and couples therapy. From what you've written, he is not one of those people.
    Agreed! He is just downright cruel.

  2. #12

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    Thank you everyone so much for your responses I appreciate them all.

    I know deep down in my heart I need to leave. It's so hard because I have fears of what will happen once I do.. what if he does hurt himself? What if he does something in retaliation? I see horror stories in the news and it just keeps me thinking what if that happened and I'd never live with myself. THen I say to myself, "no, he loves them. Just because he is bad for you does not mean he would ever do that". When I try to leave, it ends up being an explosive fight. I want to leave on somewhat amicable terms. How do I even do that with someone like him?

    I just know I can't keep living like this. Every day I think about this and how did I get in this bad of a situation, I see happy couples and I feel angry. Why does he think I deserve to be treated this way :(

  3. #13
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Think about it this way, EVERYDAY your girls learn it is ok to be treated like this. Think about it. THIS is what they think love and relationships are about. What do you want your daughters to learn?

  4. #14
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by spinsugar
    Why does he think I deserve to be treated this way :(
    Because you allow it. Think about it.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Google hotlines for Domestic Abuse and give them a call for advice on your departure. Professionals will assist you on the best practices for that, and address your concerns about each issue. Take care.

  7. #16
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    What made you want to have two kids with this man? I can understand having one before you woke up, but why did you stay all this time? He won't change. If all he did when you left was send texts (he didn't come after you), i would take it as a cue that you could go stay with your parents and the girls a few weeks and then find your own place with them. He is treating you financially like you are a roommate with two kids - not shared kids. I would not pay him $650 a month towards HIS house being that you equitably are paying other bills and your name is not on the house. (you pay for just about everything else).

    Take the $650 you pay him, shave off some of the food budget by not having to pay for food for a man and a part time teen boy (those can eat you out of house and home) - and do a 2 an 4 year old REALLY need dance class at that age - and use the money to get your own place - even if its a two bedroom apartment or even a one bedroom where you sleep on the sofa. They have a right to their dad, even though he is not perfect, but not like this...

  8. #17
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    If you are willing to put your foot down - you don't buy all the snacks he wants and stop paying towards his house - maybe you can take back some charge and some dignity and if he uses the lack of employment to be available to be Mr Mom and raise the girls instead of them going to daycare...then maybe..... if you lived with mom and dad could they go to just part time day care?

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    He is treating you financially like you are a roommate with two kids - not shared kids.
    ^^^This. And you let him. Based on what you wrote, if you were to leave him and live on your own, financially it would be pretty much the same for you (or better), plus you would get rid off all his complaining, disrespect and other crappy behaviour. Based on what you wrote, the guy is a leach and you let him get away with it. As already mentioned, this is not an example you want to set for your daughters.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    He's not your "stepson", and you are not responsible for him. However you are responsible for your own kids well being.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Not your problem OP:

    .... what if he does hurt himself? What if he does something in retaliation?

    Forget "amicable terms".

    It is time to take action and just go, OP:

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