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Mum keeps scolding me


1imaan1

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She scolds even for little things. I understand she's going through menopause phase but that doesn't mean she will get angry at her children. And how on earth is it my fault if she has mood swings? It is very rare that i have speak back and stand up for myself. Most of the times she keeps on scoffing, scolding. I don't take her words seriously because she doesn't mean it but still i get upset at the anger and scolds. And then suddenly she changes. She speaks softly and politely and treats me as her favourite kid. But how do i cope with the scolds and anger??

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She scolds even for little things. I understand she's going through menopause phase but that doesn't mean she will get angry at her children. And how on earth is it my fault if she has mood swings? It is very rare that i have speak back and stand up for myself. Most of the times she keeps on scoffing, scolding. I don't take her words seriously because she doesn't mean it but still i get upset at the anger and scolds. And then suddenly she changes. She speaks softly and politely and treats me as her favourite kid. But how do i cope with the scolds and anger??

 

It is not your fault for her mood swings. What you're describing is very common. If periods, menopause, cycles and overall women's health are not talked about or considered taboo/embarrassing in the community or where women are shamed for their phases in life, there's usually lack of education and difficulties coping with these life changes. I also came from a conservative background like yours and women's health was not discussed or something that needed explaining.

 

I think you could benefit a lot from looking at online resources. If you seek a therapist, make sure it's a licensed therapist who understands women's health.

 

You need coping strategies in dealing with stress and inconsistencies in mood related to hormonal changes. I'm sure you're also trying to make sense of your own thoughts and your hormones are also playing a role.

 

Women should not be shamed for their hormones. If your mother is not able to manage her moods, start looking at yourself. There may be generational and educational divides between your mother and you. She probably did not have the internet or any sources of therapy available to her and if she was raised in the 50s or 60s she most definitely wasn't educated about women's health enough.

 

The differences have to start with you. No, it's not fair and you'll probably think it's a pain just like I did for a long time. It starts with you educating yourself and stopping that cycle of shaming and reintroduce more understanding, if not for others, then for yourself for your personal reasons and coping strategies.

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Don't they require prepayment with a credit card? Can a 15 y/o do that or get treated without parental consent?

 

This may be more helpful when she's older. My point is to start discussions about women's health on her own and stop the negative talk or shaming of women's health overall. Whether that includes the help of a therapist or not later on, it's up to her. That autonomy and decision lies with her and she shouldn't be waiting until she has a credit card or of legal age to start more healthy discussions about mental health or women's health.

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A 15 y/o CHILD should not have to understand her mother's health issues, her parents marriage or pay for therapists online to try to fix her parents. She should talk to to a trusted local adult relative, neighbor, teacher, clergy, whatever.

I understand she's going through menopause phase but that doesn't mean she will get angry at her children.
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I found menopause EXTREMELY difficult. My emotions were uncontrollable, I had migraines that made me vomit 3 days a week. My hair started falling out and my skin got much drier. I barely knew who I was. It took about 5 years for my hormones to settle. It was a HORRIBLE time of my life. My son and husband just stayed out of my way.

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A 15 y/o CHILD should not have to understand her mother's health issues, her parents marriage or pay for therapists online to try to fix her parents. She should talk to to a trusted local adult relative, neighbor, teacher, clergy, whatever.

 

What if there isn't one or if she feels uncomfortable due to the way women are treated in the community? Does she keep staying in a state of confusion without educating herself or recognizing her role as a young woman also?

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No mention of Dad . . who would be the obvious go to. No doubt if she taking her moods out on her kids, he'd be witnessing it and likely experiencing it as well.

I didn't know it at the time but my mom was unrelenting when I was about 20. She snapped at me every time she saw me. (which wasn't a whole lot, because at 20 I was out and about) I evently had enough and announced I was moving out. My Dad tried to talk me out of it telling me that my Mom didn't want me to move out on bad terms. I just told him 'it was time.

 

Looking back and doing the math, she would have been going through menopause at that time. It makes sense now, but back then I had no idea why she was so miserable.

 

I can't help but wonder if it's natures way to get little birds out of the nest. . But at 15 you are too young to fly away at this point in time.

 

I'd would confide in your father if you haven't already done so.

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" And another thing is whenever fight happens, our and dad's connection eventually goes down. We don't talk much. It's not because of any anger but it's just that he becomes very silent."

 

I have started to feel immense sympathy for this man. The Dad.

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" And another thing is whenever fight happens, our and dad's connection eventually goes down. We don't talk much. It's not because of any anger but it's just that he becomes very silent."

 

I have started to feel immense sympathy for this man. The Dad.

No,no. It's not like he is faultless. He is equally responsible as mum for the fights. He uses a lot of disrespectful words ,needless to say ,swears mum, which i can't even say here. And his loud voice during fights is just.....too much. But after the fight, he keeps to himself. Hence our bond gets low.
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Imaan:

 

I know you mentioned earlier on that you cannot leave the house. I assume that your school (all schools?) are closed right now due not only to Covid but also because of Summer holidays. Once, (and if) your school re-opens then do speak with one of the teachers, or someone you trust on the school committee. I know you said that the doctor is far away, and you cannot leave the house.

 

The domestic situation is very heated, Imaan, and not at all healthy.

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She scolds even for little things. I understand she's going through menopause phase but that doesn't mean she will get angry at her children. And how on earth is it my fault if she has mood swings? It is very rare that i have speak back and stand up for myself. Most of the times she keeps on scoffing, scolding. I don't take her words seriously because she doesn't mean it but still i get upset at the anger and scolds. And then suddenly she changes. She speaks softly and politely and treats me as her favourite kid. But how do i cope with the scolds and anger??

 

Maybe you are not the sweet angel you believe you are. Maybe you get on her nerves.

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Mothers and teenage daughters have a long history of not getting along during those years. While they may get along great when the daughter is 30 or when she was 8, those are the clash years. I am wondering if it takes two to tango. Mom may be going through menopause or not, but what you are doing or not doing is not helping, either. When i was your age, i always framed things that "if mom wouldn't do this or say this or be like this, everything would be fine" never recognizing my part in it. What does she scold you about?

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What does she scold you about?
Not doing the work properly. Sometimes if i refuse to do any work because i feel lazy and tired, she says nobody helps me. Most of the times i help her though. She gets angry and scolds me and my siblings saying we're useless and she has done so much for us,still we don't respect her blah blah.
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Do you have housekeepers and servants or do your parents expect you and your siblings to do some chores and help out?

 

For example are you doing homework and taking some responsibility around the house or are you on multiple forums and social media all day?

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