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He says he will never speak to me again


Dazz

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My guy dumped me via text for calling his friend when he wouldn't answer my calls. I know at the time he was with his friend and I texted him to tell him that I would call his friend because I needed to speak with him. The friend dis not pick up or answer my text. Was I wrong for calling the friend? Is him saying he never wants to speak with me warranted because I did? I haven't reached out him but I'm baffled that such would be the end of our relationship. We just got back together 2 months ago trying the long distance thing.

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We need more background info:

 

Why wasn't he answering your calls? Had something happened between you, or was he ghosting you?

 

What did you need to speak to him about right in that moment that you tried to contact his friend - was it urgent?

 

Why did you break up before? You say you got "back together" which implies this isn't the first time it's ended.

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There was no reason for not answering. We had a great week. The call was not urgent. I was just troubled by the fact that he was online and on another call and did not pick up to see what was my urgency when the week before he picked up a girl's call out of annoyance because she kept calling. Before we just never spoke. My last conversation with him was since you don't feel like talking, call me when you want to talk. We ran into each other 6 months later since that last convo and he's s been reaching out on and off since November. Finally around mother's day I thought maybe he was serious and decided to give it chance but I had alreadt moved out of state and he said that did not bother him. And for the 4th of July I spent the week with him. This was where his phone was ringing like crazy and he picked the girl up in front of me out of annoyance. That kinda gave us a fallout but we made up before I left. Came back and we were great and on Friday we didn't speak during the day so I called and no answer. I texted no answer, 3 hous later still no answer. I felt some type of way that he woukd pick up that girl's call but not mine and told him this and said I would call the friend. He came back and said that's the last time you will do such a thing and when I said called me, he said never. We haven't spoken since.

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I wound up moving since we had stopped talking for a while. I did get erratic. This has never happened before. I'm not sure what came over me. And clearly now I can't make up for it or ask for forgiveness. I'm just so crushed. Has any guy ever come back? I've known women who have done worse and their guy has not dumped them. Why wouldn't he at least have a convo where we ensure something like that never happens again?

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We're boyfriend and girlfriend. If we were just dating, my expectations would be different. I used to go days not hearing from him and that did not phase me. We had stopped talking for months and I was still unbothered but yet Friday night I just felt like he didn't prioritize me and went bezerk with the calling him and then called his friend once as a last resort.

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Since this wasn't some major emergency that required his immediate attention, then you had no right to demand that he speak to you the way that you did. Calling/texting his friend to force the issue was completely out of line. Your behavior is over the top and he is well within rights to want nothing more to do with you.

 

That said, sounds like there is a long and toxic history here between you and him. High time for you to let this go and find yourself a better man. You know, one who doesn't drive you into acting crazy and one you don't have to chase, push, pull, worry about other women with, etc. Raise your standards instead of making yourself nuts.

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You're right. I wish I could take it all back. I see that there's a first time for everything. But would you not at least talk to the girl and officially break up? Would you technically ever contact her back to see if indeed there was an urgency? Would you not pick up a call when you know you had no issues with your girl?

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You're right. I wish I could take it all back. I see that there's a first time for everything. But would you not at least talk to the girl and officially break up? Would you technically ever contact her back to see if indeed there was an urgency? Would you not pick up a call when you know you had no issues with your girl?

 

The problem with your question is that you want someone who is toxic and doesn't seem to care to behave in a way that would be decent and reasonable. It's not going to happen. This is why I said that as much as you acted poorly, his behavior drove your actions and that's why you need to drop this guy. It's like expecting a poisonous snake to cuddle with you and make the poison go away after it bites you. You can want that all day long, but it's never going to happen.

 

Walk away, just do it. YOU decide that this is not how you want to be treated and that he isn't good enough for you. Give yourself some power.

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Let the dust settle. Do not keep contacting him or any of his people. If/when he reaches out, simply end it. It's too many games and stress.

You're right. I wish I could take it all back. I see that there's a first time for everything. But would you not at least talk to the girl and officially break up? Would you technically ever contact her back to see if indeed there was an urgency? Would you not pick up a call when you know you had no issues with your girl?
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He's juggling women and you've been aware of that. You aren't having some mysterious reaction to him not taking your call. That moment triggered the memory of past experiences with him and from what you shared may have really never changed.

The fact that he could let you go so easily demonstrates he didn't really care enough to begin with.

Close this door and don't look back.

Believe you deserve better.

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You are so wise! I have gotten so much strength from your answer. Thank you. Maybe not answering was him exerting control or punishment. Maybe God made me do this mistake as the only way to save myself. I didn't want to go down in history as the crazy girl

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I thought it was an easy cop out too. Like of all the crazy things that can happen in a relationship, this is the deal breaker when had he picked up this could have been easily resolved? It's just simply wow. Especially since this is a first. No pass whatsover.

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Rather than spinning this around trying to analyze his actions, you're better off accepting the fact that if he wanted to be with you, he would. Of course, I understand this is easier said than done, but respecting yourself can do wonders for your self-esteem.

 

Raise your standards...

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Dazz,

 

The guy who dumped you reacted in an impulsive and extreme manner. I've encountered personalities similar to your ex-boyfriend which is alarming and those types of people are red flags to me. I don't like people who are so abrupt to the point of cruel. Since your ex-boyfriend had no qualms breaking up with you via text, you're better off without him. Some people's personalities are unreasonable the way they're so Draconian and drastic with their reactions. They're the types who never foresee its harsh consequences.

 

I prefer people who are mature, who talk it out, who wish to resolve issues in a calm manner and peaceful types. Hot heads are omitted from my life FOREVER.

 

Whenever I've had people block me or react with extremely harsh cruelty towards me, the next time they were nice to me, it was my turn to give them the cold shoulder and I made sure that I exited their life forever. Granted, should our paths cross, I'm polite, respectful yet blunt and frostily distant. Note strong enforced boundaries. I don't give second chances once I find out what people are capable of because I know they'll be mean to me again. It's only a matter of time. :upset: I don't trust them anymore. Once bitten, twice shy. Live and learn the hard way.

 

As for you, always observe a person's personality and character. If they're the type who easily ghosts or blocks you, cuts you off, breaks up suddenly whether in a relationship or friendship, excludes you from their social events or life, dismisses you easily or discards you if they're moody, you should bail immediately and when I say "bail," I mean you should exit their life permanently. These types of volatile temperaments are unpredictable yet predictable. They're complicated, gaslighting personalities so run for the hills. :eek: I've since learned this harsh lesson the hard way. Ever since I've learned how to pick and choose who deserves to be in my life due to following the respect rules, I've never been more content and secure. You ought to try to change the way you think. It's the best thing I had ever done.

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I wound up moving since we had stopped talking for a while. I did get erratic. This has never happened before. I'm not sure what came over me. And clearly now I can't make up for it or ask for forgiveness. I'm just so crushed. Has any guy ever come back? I've known women who have done worse and their guy has not dumped them. Why wouldn't he at least have a convo where we ensure something like that never happens again?

 

Honey, they all come back.

 

But you have to take care of yourself first. It doesn't sound like he was treating you well at all. This person is showing you how little he cares. What you do is you keep walking and you start taking better care of yourself. Be around people who love and care about you.

 

You do not have to call or text him anymore. Leave him alone. Be careful if he texts or calls you again or if you run into each other again. You should remember that when someone shows you what they think of you through their actions and words, you look long and hard and you listen exactly to what they're saying. Leave this for a few days, minimum one week, and wait for the withdrawal or panicky feeling to subside. You'll have a clearer head then and then take a good hard look at what's been happening between the both of you.

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You are so wise! I have gotten so much strength from your answer. Thank you. Maybe not answering was him exerting control or punishment. Maybe God made me do this mistake as the only way to save myself. I didn't want to go down in history as the crazy girl

 

I don't think it was a mistake - it was your wake up call. Do yourself a favor and just block and delete this guy from your life. Time to cancel him.

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Your behavior was poor. It's not right to be so needy and desperate to have to track a person down.

 

Look at yourself and if you are actually acting like the kind of person you want to be. It's not God or anything else that drives you to act the way you act. Its you. If a person's actions give you the excuse to behave poorly, that is garbage. They are not compatible with you. you are unable to control yourself.

 

So you definitely need to look inside. What causes you act out and how to overcome those things . Because no one owes you to deal with your issues. They are yours to control.

 

As for this guy... it sounds cold and harsh. If you don't like this, then leave this guy alone. he will not change. Recognize you can and will do better, with a local guy that is more compatible to you.

 

Being needy and desperate is unattractive Focus on meeting your own needs and learn to enjoy being alone or on your own. You take back your own power when you don't need someone else so bad that you accept, ignore or beg for their bad behavior.

 

Walking away. Never calling again. Not entertaining their games, groveling or excuses is raising your standards and better people will come. The flip side of that is you must respect boundaries. yours and theirs.

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I don't think it was a mistake - it was your wake up call. Do yourself a favor and just block and delete this guy from your life. Time to cancel him.

 

Yes. I will. I have to. It's crazy how I have more questions than answers. I will trust the process.

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Your behavior was poor. It's not right to be so needy and desperate to have to track a person down.

 

Look at yourself and if you are actually acting like the kind of person you want to be. It's not God or anything else that drives you to act the way you act. Its you. If a person's actions give you the excuse to behave poorly, that is garbage. They are not compatible with you. you are unable to control yourself.

 

So you definitely need to look inside. What causes you act out and how to overcome those things . Because no one owes you to deal with your issues. They are yours to control.

 

As for this guy... it sounds cold and harsh. If you don't like this, then leave this guy alone. he will not change. Recognize you can and will do better, with a local guy that is more compatible to you.

 

Being needy and desperate is unattractive Focus on meeting your own needs and learn to enjoy being alone or on your own. You take back your own power when you don't need someone else so bad that you accept, ignore or beg for their bad behavior.

 

Walking away. Never calling again. Not entertaining their games, groveling or excuses is raising your standards and better people will come. The flip side of that is you must respect boundaries. yours and theirs.

 

My behavior was indeed poor. It was triggered by the fact that I can see him online in WhatsApp and then on a call. I even called his regular line thinking that he would put his person on hold and pick me real quick. Nada. So I got riled up that he was purposely ignoring me and kept trying to confirm if that was so. I should have left well enough alone and not reach back out hours later after the first call. So when I sent the text about calling the friend, that's when he finally responded to me and saying he would never call again. It did not have to take all that I don't think. It looks needy and desperate but in my mind I wanted to be prioritized. That's ok. I was crying for one call now he cut off the whole supply to where I'll never get any. This guy was out of my life for a year and I never once reached out. I have that self control. Maybe he came back for revenge. I really in all honesty am not sure what threw me over the edge that night. I resent myself for it. But even more so how a few calls became equivalent to being dumped. So no girlfriend grace. Maybe I never was.

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Rather than spinning this around trying to analyze his actions, you're better off accepting the fact that if he wanted to be with you, he would. Of course, I understand this is easier said than done, but respecting yourself can do wonders for your self-esteem.

 

Raise your standards...

 

Thank you. So true. I'm sure I'll get over this. But I'm just stumped and I'm all to blame.

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