Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 12

Thread: Feeling lost and neglected

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2020
    Posts
    6

    Feeling lost and neglected

    I posted earlier about my boyfriend changing his mind about moving in together. Since then we have reconciled and agreed to do other things to move us forward as a couple such as go on a vacation/staycation together to reconnect post quarantine. I didn't get overly excited about it as there's not much one can do these days but I was lookong forward to the opportunity to spend an extended time together. It was his idea to do the vacation/staycation time and now he's wondering if we should do it at all due to finances. I understand but am also disappointed as he tends to do this a lot, i.e. present an idea that I guess he doesn't think through and then he takes it back or waffles. He's done this on a couple trips and other special milestones and it makes me feel really bad. Then when I try to get more details of what's going on and if we're still doing the thing in question he says he doesn't want to talk about it right now. Why does he give and then take away? Why doesn't he want to talk to me when I understandably have questions? He says he wants to move forward and have a future together but never makes any firm moves in that direction. He makes suggestions and when I take them and run with them he says im pushing him. I'm very confused as to why he wants to do one thing one moment but then a day or so later second guesses...... it makes me feel unwanted even though he says he wants me

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    39,502
    Gender
    Male
    Sorry to hear that. It sounds like he is not as invested as you are. He is also sidestepping to pump the brakes.

    When someone is stringing you along, they don't come right out and say that. Instead you get a confusing picture like this where one foot is in, but the other is out the door.

  3. #3
    Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2020
    Posts
    6
    I feel so pathetic for constantly offering love and understanding but getting very little in return.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    39,502
    Gender
    Male
    Pull way back. Do not suffocate someone who is just not that into you.

    You should really dump him rather than chase him
    Originally Posted by Kden
    I feel so pathetic for constantly offering love and understanding but getting very little in return.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    3,681
    Gender
    Female
    I'm sorry to hear this. Very heartbreaking. You deserve to be with someone who treats you like you're his world too. This person isn't treating you the way you ought to be treated.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    10,489
    He is far too unreliable, as you evidently already know.

    Generally, I would have agreed that finances can make vacations tempting but impossible. However, this is a pattern, based on what you described - and it's not limited to vacations. It sounds like he says things to appease you or make you happy in the moment, but doesn't actually have the motivation to follow through. I would also be very disappointed by this, and frankly, it speaks to his overall interest in the relationship. His words are designed more to get you off his back (so to speak) rather than taken as serious plans. He then shuts down any further conversation about what it happening.

    Personally, I would probably end it. He keeps changing the goalposts and stalling for time. I would be fed up and not really believe there's much of a future here.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Wilds of Texas
    Posts
    10,919
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Kden
    I feel so pathetic for constantly offering love and understanding but getting very little in return.
    So why do you keep chasing him?

    Surely you realize there are plenty of guys out there who would absolutely love to actually go places with you and reciprocate fully everything that you do just because that's who they are and how they feel.

    As I say often, when words and actions don't match, pay attention to actions. He says he wants to be with you, but then he cancels plans on you constantly. His actions say he is not that into you, OP. He just likes the attention and you being there in the background and you are very easy to string along - a few cheap words and you keep going even though it keeps backfiring on you.

    I think it's high time for you to pick up your self respect from the dirt, dust it off and lose this guy.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    11,092
    Gender
    Female
    Echoing what DancingFool wrote.
    Don't watch his lips, watch his feet.

    If you could guess why he avoids explaining himself, what do you think he'd say?
    Could it possibly be things you don't really want to hear?

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    2,381
    Because he wants his carefree freedom and only date you. He's a "Good Time Charlie" and only wants to take vacations with you. After that, he wants to go back to his freedom. Many men are this way which comes as no surprise. He doesn't want commitment whether living together, playing house nor eventually marrying you. He's not sincerely serious about spending the rest of his life with you. He doesn't want to commit to you.

    His talk is cheap as actions speak louder than words. Don't feel confused. It's plain as day and crystal clear. Stop wasting your time, energy, resources and life on a man who doesn't think you're worthy nor important. Wise up, lady.

    There is no moving forward nor future with him. You're not worth it to him. That's the harsh reality check. I'm sorry, Kden.

  11. #10
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2019
    Posts
    21
    I'm really sorry you're hurting right now, his actions are definitely confusing. I think you have to ask yourself, if nothing changed, is this what you want in a relationship? Because your answer to that is probably your answer right now. He seems to be comfortable being this way and expecting this out of the relationship. Maybe try to have one last solid attempt at a conversation with him though in case you're misunderstanding anything.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Videos


Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems

Friendship Between Men and Women Often Involves Attraction

Infidelity

Most Women Rather Not Date Unemployed Men
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •