Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 11 to 17 of 17

Thread: SOS - Iím very insecure.

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    4,039
    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    Any relationship or friendship filled with fighting and volatile temperaments is abnormal and mentally unhealthy. You remind me of my mother and sister. As long as I kowtow or tow the line, ingratiate myself, walk on eggshells and remain rather quiet, all is well. She and my sister are depressive types, unhappy with their lot in life and easily belligerent which is alarming. In other words, we're incompatible. Some people lack self control and empathy. They also lack emotional intelligence. Google "emotional intelligence." Without emotional intelligence, ALL relationships and friendships are doomed for failure.

    I agree, you're in charge of your own emotions. I've become an unemotional person when it comes to dealing with people because emotions cloud your judgment. It's okay to love but being an emotionally charged person in a negative way gets you into a lot of trouble. Step back, think first before you speak and write. Think how it will be received. If you're uncertain and in doubt, remain silent because you'll prevent arguments and fights this way.

    Learn how to treat people with respect because respect is love for your boyfriend, neighbor, friend, family and everyone. This is what "love thy neighbor" means. It means to treat everyone with respect and consideration. "Do unto others as they would do unto you" means the 'Golden Rule' of treating others as you would like to be treated which is the definition of respect.

    Stop, think long and hard and change the way you think. It's time to grow up and mature. Become mellow. Calm down. Then your relationships will become more peaceful, harmonious and serene.

    Also, think about whom you're dealing with. Avoid those who are belligerent, argumentative, gaslighting types and unreasonable. Respect is mutual. Only be with people who treat you right so you can treat them right, too. It works both ways whether friends or family. Keep that in mind.
    Fantastic post and points. I agree with this.

    It's impossible for anyone here to verify whether you have a mental health disorder or mood disorder. From the sounds of things your relationship doesn't sound healthy or positive.

    If you're having doubts about the relationship, don't sweep it under the rug. See someone if you really are committed to seeking what's wrong otherwise this is an exercise in futility. If you don't really believe there's anything wrong with you at all, have a good, long, hard look at your relationship or the relationships closest to you. It's natural for people to feel crazy, negative, angry and on an emotional roller coaster when there's total disrespect or mutual disrespect in the relationships closest to us.

  2. #12

    Join Date
    Jul 2020
    Posts
    10
    My regular doctor is a DO. I chose this doctor deliberately. I have told them about my issues and they told me to see a therapist as well, only problem is the cost.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    4,779
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    It's natural for people to feel crazy, negative, angry and on an emotional roller coaster when there's total disrespect or mutual disrespect in the relationships closest to us.
    Just going to highlight this because it articulates a thought I had while reading your first post. Not sure how old you are or how long you've been togetheróthough I'm curious!óbut in my experience an unhealthy environment (be that a job, a city, or a relationship) can really take a toll on us. Of course, when we're less than healthy ourselves we may seek a jagged form of comfort in that which is unhealthy: a grueling job, a tempestuous partnership, etc.. Therapy can be great for rewiring some of that, so we avoid validating and rationalizing certain habits, certain behaviors, be they in ourselves or in others.

    What struck me in the tone of your post here is that I couldn't quite tell if you're genuinely wanting to change things to wanting some kind of validation that it's okay. People have flaws, life is a rollercoaster, that sort of thing. While I agree with the idea that no human is perfect, and we're all works of progress until the heart stops beating, when I hear about a relationship that is marked by constant fighting? Well, it's like someone describing a job they can't stand working: yeah, the paycheck is nice, but is it worth the spiritual corrosion? I'd say no. I'd probably say that looking for a new job might be as rewarding as going to therapy to teach yourself how to withstand the job that's bringing you down.

    Not quite sure where you and your relationship fits into that chicken/egg paradigm, but it may be worth thinking about or talking about a bit more here. You sound very aware of things, but awareness in a vacuum is not change, evolution, or growth. It can be stepping stone toward all that, or a way to avoid it.

  4. #14

    Join Date
    Jul 2020
    Posts
    10
    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Just going to highlight this because it articulates a thought I had while reading your first post. Not sure how old you are or how long you've been togetheróthough I'm curious!óbut in my experience an unhealthy environment (be that a job, a city, or a relationship) can really take a toll on us. Of course, when we're less than healthy ourselves we may seek a jagged form of comfort in that which is unhealthy: a grueling job, a tempestuous partnership, etc.. Therapy can be great for rewiring some of that, so we avoid validating and rationalizing certain habits, certain behaviors, be they in ourselves or in others.

    What struck me in the tone of your post here is that I couldn't quite tell if you're genuinely wanting to change things to wanting some kind of validation that it's okay. People have flaws, life is a rollercoaster, that sort of thing. While I agree with the idea that no human is perfect, and we're all works of progress until the heart stops beating, when I hear about a relationship that is marked by constant fighting? Well, it's like someone describing a job they can't stand working: yeah, the paycheck is nice, but is it worth the spiritual corrosion? I'd say no. I'd probably say that looking for a new job might be as rewarding as going to therapy to teach yourself how to withstand the job that's bringing you down.

    Not quite sure where you and your relationship fits into that chicken/egg paradigm, but it may be worth thinking about or talking about a bit more here. You sound very aware of things, but awareness in a vacuum is not change, evolution, or growth. It can be stepping stone toward all that, or a way to avoid it.
    Thanks for your response, I actually find it very helpful. I want to change myself, Iím sick of being insecure but I feel like Iím stuck in this constant cycle of negativity and I canít get myself out. My insecurities get the best of me 90% of the time and not saying my BF is perfect, but I think I cause a lot of our issues. I could really benefit from therapy, but money is an issue at the moment. We have been together 3+ years and in our late 20ís. Sometimes when one bad thing happens, I take it and let it eat at me inside and then spew it out on him mainly, but others too. Covid hasnít helped me in the slightest, lol. I know someone on here said CBD doesnít help, but I find that it actually helps me calm down when Iím in a negative cycle. If I take it daily, I donít feel as tense or aggravated or mad all the time. My job? Well... Thatís a whole other issue. I donít love my job either. Obviously solving my problem starts within myself, I just need more emotional control. I canít change others, but I notice when Iím in a better place - so are the people around me. Maybe itís just my view that hiders my happiness? I donít even know. IM A HOT MESS LOLOLOL

  5.  

  6. #15
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    40,040
    Gender
    Male
    Have you had a complete check-up? A DO has the same diagnosis and treatment rights as an MD. Many psychiatrists are DOs. It sounds like you are adverse to conventional care and prefer self medicating and lashing out at others.
    Originally Posted by Brunette91
    My regular doctor is a DO. I chose this doctor deliberately. I have told them about my issues and they told me to see a therapist as well, only problem is the cost.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    4,039
    Originally Posted by Brunette91
    Thanks for your response, I actually find it very helpful. I want to change myself, Iím sick of being insecure but I feel like Iím stuck in this constant cycle of negativity and I canít get myself out. My insecurities get the best of me 90% of the time and not saying my BF is perfect, but I think I cause a lot of our issues. I could really benefit from therapy, but money is an issue at the moment. We have been together 3+ years and in our late 20ís. Sometimes when one bad thing happens, I take it and let it eat at me inside and then spew it out on him mainly, but others too. Covid hasnít helped me in the slightest, lol. I know someone on here said CBD doesnít help, but I find that it actually helps me calm down when Iím in a negative cycle. If I take it daily, I donít feel as tense or aggravated or mad all the time. My job? Well... Thatís a whole other issue. I donít love my job either. Obviously solving my problem starts within myself, I just need more emotional control. I canít change others, but I notice when Iím in a better place - so are the people around me. Maybe itís just my view that hiders my happiness? I donít even know. IM A HOT MESS LOLOLOL
    No one is perfect or always happy. There are days (Sunday was one of those days for me) where I could not bring myself to do much and it was a struggle to manage mood, stress, emotions and a lot of thoughts, juggling work, personal and family. If you think you need tools from therapy in how to change the way you think or get down under all those layers, you may be onto something. I think taking yourself more seriously and your mental health needs is a priority.

    Maybe exploring what your relationship with CBD is and your expectations of what it can do for you also lends insight into what you may feel therapy or other outside help can do for you too. You're placing a lot of trust and expectations in outside help for someone who is wanting to work through things holistically. What worked for me was working through a lot of my own issues on my own time and understanding my own cycle of thoughts - positive or negative. If you understand your thought patterns, you may be able to do the opposite of what you normally choose to do. If CBD helps you do this or regain some clarity, explore this. Keep exploring this relationship. It's not enough to take a substance for prolonged periods. Really ask yourself what it's doing for you and whether you need it every day forever.

    If you like parts of yourself focus more on those. If you like certain parts or versions of you when you were doing certain things, pursue doing more of those things. It doesn't mean that negative thoughts don't come. They are always there. The difference is just knowing when to be patient with yourself and riding it out. Don't overreact to them, sometimes a reaction isn't even necessary. They ARE there and they will seem overwhelming and suffocating but let the moment go. If you feel yourself reacting and reacting and reacting, you're never giving yourself a chance to recover or coast.

    Being angry or upset is not a bad or unhealthy thing. Managing that anger and learning how to share that constructively builds trust. Spewing it out breaks trust. There is a very real possibility that in addition to low self-esteem, the trust in your relationship (trust in each other to see the best in each other) is actually corroded badly if this pattern has been going on for some time. I struggle to fathom how your partner is in any way emotionally still checked into the relationship with this level of negativity and hurt going back and forth. The old patterns of thinking and the negativity have to change. If you don't feel strong enough to practice how to do this on your own, definitely seek help or keep practicing more mindfully. Some part of you has to absolutely want to break these patterns or overcome them if you're going to do it without the aid of medications or "holistically", as you say.
    Last edited by Rose Mosse; 07-15-2020 at 12:11 AM.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Realitynut's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Quad-Cities, Illinois, usa
    Posts
    2,669
    Gender
    Female
    After the fiancť dumped me for another woman....back in 2010....what brought me here, I was a HOT MESS too! And before. After a mental health nurse (friend) mention Borderline Personality Disorder, I read up on it. Had never heard of it. Spectrum illness. Emotions go from really up.....and crash at the drop of a hat. I went to a Dr. cuz I didn't want to say I had BPD, if I didn't. He told me he 'didn't have time for "somebody like me", and shoo'd me out of his office". I was crying. Said i'd been messed up since 7th grade. Don't know how he pulled that number out of his head. The whole time I talked to him, he sat with his feet up on the desk. It took me 4 months to get into him. A psychiatrist. I was going to try another doctor, but I was fighting depression at the same time. So....

    So....not all Dr.s have the answer. And not all counselors are good at what they do. Just throwing that out there....Read up on it and see if anything sinks in. Russia had been thinking of changing the name Borderline Personality disorder, to deregulation of emotions. Emotions all over the place.

Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12

Videos


Maintaining A Strong Relationship

Detaching From a Malignant Man

Divorced Parents Prefer Technology and Social Media As Communication Tool

Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •