Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 24

Thread: YOUR OPINION: Changing my last name (because of deadbeat parent)?

  1. #1
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    Posts
    165

    YOUR OPINION: Changing my last name (because of deadbeat parent)?

    I'm in my early 20s and I've never maintained a solid relationship with my father, he left when I was 7.

    I'm always being contacted by family members on his side because I'm identifiable by my last name, this is triggering to me and brings back emotions that aren't present during my day to day life. I'm not in the position to ever get solid closure and I feel changing my name might close that part of my life or initiate closing that painful part of my life for good.

    I've forgiven my father and I've moved on with life but my last name has never felt like it truly represented my personal story because its tied to a family I never had/experienced. It feels like I'm representing a group of people that have always tried to pry their way back into my life and leave me with discomfort.

  2. #2
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    Posts
    165
    Has anyone else initiated these steps? Did you find closure?

    I just want to close that chapter for good. I feel like my last name is forced and is there to keep me down and remind me of LOSS (not being a part of something/claiming something that isnt mine) instead of reminding me of FAMILY. My last name does not represent the people that loved and cared for me my entire life.

    But on the other hand it feels like I'm throwing my identity away because I've used that name my entire life?

  3. #3
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared
    Age
    53
    Posts
    37,940
    Gender
    Female
    I felt the same way and then I married someone with the same last name. If I had not married I would have taken my motherís maiden name.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    Ontario Canada
    Posts
    6,554
    Gender
    Female
    Do it. I hate my first name, it's unusual and nobody gets it right. I wanted to change it when I got to be 18 but I didn't. When I told my then bf, now husband, I wanted to change it at about age 25 he said - don't, it's too late. I should not have listened to him. All these years later, I still hate it.

    So, I say change your last name if you think it will help you. If you are an adult, go for it.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Wilds of Texas
    Posts
    10,915
    Gender
    Female
    It's really a personal thing. That said, there are a lot more people who legally change their name than you realize for all kinds of reasons. Anything from they don't like the first name their parents gave them to the spelling is too complicated to they have personal reasons like yourself. It's really quite common or rather much more common than most people realize.

    Consider also that women change their name customarily when they get married. What I'm getting at is that your last name or even your first name is not your identity at all unless you make it so. If it's not working for you, change it. Nothing to feel guilty or weird about. You are one of many.

  7. #6
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared
    Age
    53
    Posts
    37,940
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by melancholy123
    Do it. I hate my first name, it's unusual and nobody gets it right. I wanted to change it when I got to be 18 but I didn't. When I told my then bf, now husband, I wanted to change it at about age 25 he said - don't, it's too late. I should not have listened to him. All these years later, I still hate it.

    So, I say change your last name if you think it will help you. If you are an adult, go for it.
    I changed the length of my name when I was about 20, not legally , but just started calling myself a shorter version of my name. I only use my legal name for legal purposes.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    2,373
    Change it. In hindsight, I wished I had changed my first name long ago and now it's too late because everyone calls me by my name which I never liked. My last name changed when I married my husband and I like it. I too don't want to feel attached to my maiden name due to my alcoholic wife beater father who punched my mother's teeth out.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    39,476
    Gender
    Male
    Changing your name will not improve family dynamics. Only therapy can help you sort that out.

    Change your name because you want to, not because of them. Obviously people change thier names all the time for all sorts of reasons.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    3,677
    Gender
    Female
    I agree with the others it's personal so change it if you want to but do it for the right reasons. I wouldn't advise doing anything if you're feeling restless, upset or in any sense of heightened emotion (which seems to be common in 2020).

    Having done a name change once, it's a process and something you have to be committed to. It's not as if you can't change it back but you'll have to answer to a whole lot more than family and friends like employers or if you continue to be a part of business associations or other memberships, you'll have to answer to any multiple changes.

    It sounds like you have reservations. Don't do it unless you are certain. I think you should wait for a few more years, gain more independence and create your own personal identity but that's just an older person talking. There certainly were things (much more irreversible than changing a name) I did at 19 I don't regret so it's up to you.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    central Florida
    Posts
    4,250
    Gender
    Female
    The people of whom I've know who have changed their last names always seemed happy about it. I know a woman who didn't want her deadbeat father's last name, and she also lost a lot of weight, so much that she had to have skin removed, and she also chose a new first name as well. I imagine it was cathartic. I know a couple who chose a whole new last name together when they got married that possessed the word "love" in it, in another language.

    Just make a list of all the places you will need to officially change it, and place them in order of priority. When you accomplish one item at a time, say one per week, it won't be as daunting. Since people can be quite disappointing, (I have my fair share of irritating relatives) you might want to choose a non-familial name altogether. Take care.

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Videos


Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems

Friendship Between Men and Women Often Involves Attraction

Infidelity

Most Women Rather Not Date Unemployed Men
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •