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Thread: Intimate Accident

  1. #21
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    Thank you, I think I needed to hear that - even if I dont like it. I've asked him for some time apart, and am going back to counselling for myself. Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #22
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Reading more about it all, I do chime in now with the side that really does question how he goes from being told that you don't feel comfortable enough with having sex right then, to being inside of you.

    Were you fooling around and he assumed that's what it was leading up to? Were you both naked and close to sex?

    I am in no way trying to justify what he did. But it is a long jump from telling him no, to him suddenly having sex with you.

    Either way, no means no. And I hope you've realized now that you still have a long ways to go with needing more counselling to heal further with the trauma you've experienced.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Would I end things with him? Honestly, it would depend on the situation. (at least in my mind).

    If I had taken my underwear off and was pressing up against him and he got the idea that I was leading him into sex, (even if I wasn't) I might forgive him as he is only human and I did give him a lot of indications that sex was on the table.

    However, if we were in bed together and underwear was still on and I had only wanted to cuddle and he all of a sudden decides to have sex, then that is (in my mind) classified as rape and he would be out of my life immediately. There is no way I would forgive that.

  4. #24
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    Yes we had been fooling around naked for a while before that, which is why I can see how he misinterpreted things.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Then it it up to you if you decide to forgive him and work things out together. After all, you know him better than all of us do.

    But please get more help. You're still suffering and it's not good. You deserve to be healed and to not have to experience further trauma.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Please also get much stronger boundaries so no mixed messages ever occur.

    If you do not want sex, keep the panties on. Don't fool around or give out confusing messages. Cuddle, and then say goodnight.

    Again, it helps men know that there is no sex and no chance for sex, at least not on that particular night. Make sure you voice it too...."no, I do not want sex tonight".

  8. #27
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You'll be ok. This was a setback, but things like that happen. Therapy is a great idea for trauma and you'll see that healing is not linear, if you feel there was no foul play you can put it behind you.
    Originally Posted by pettypink
    Yes we had been fooling around naked for a while before that, which is why I can see how he misinterpreted things.

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