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Thread: Is my feeling normal?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    You're an awful case, Wiseman. Lol.

    Anyhow,

    "..a self confessed attention seeker in social media especially, to attract people especially men."

    Well, there are types like that. They can be quite idiotic. Best not to invite her again OP.

    And:

    "She also often kick him softly on his thigh"

    Not quite sure what that means, but he could have said: "Stop that!"

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Stop inviting her over when your husband is there. Do stuff alone with her if you value her friendship. Or maybe you've decided she's not such good friend material after this episode and should let the friendship fade away. The last time I had to deal with issues like that was when I was a teen.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Your so called friend is indeed a homewrecking ho ho ho. Unfortunately for you, your hubby seems to have been enjoying the attention and had no desire to shut that down or assert any boundaries. No, he isn't as naive as he claims. They were both flirting in your face. Zero respect for you from both of them.

    The "friend" is easy - get rid of her and be done. She isn't a friend, she is a snake in the grass. In the future be more selective about what kind of company you keep. Attention ho's shouldn't be on the list even if they seem like fun and charismatic people. You can have fun and charismatic without the bad stuff.

    The husband....probably time to sit down and have a good old fashioned come to Jesus type conversation where you explain to him that you weren't born yesterday and that there will be serious consequences for his behavior should that happen again. Make it clear that it's not empty words, but that you mean it and will take action. If he is taking you and the marriage for granted, time for a real wake up call on that. You've got to put your foot down hard on this.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by Nicelion
    I have a close friend for almost 4 years now and she is a smart nice person but she is well known to wear sexy clothes and a self confessed attention seeker in social media especially, to attract people especially men. She is married by the way. I don't have any problem with that even though we are totally opposite from each other. We invited each other to each of our place for the course of 4 years and obviously meet each other's family. The last time that I invited her to my place though, she grab my husband's glass with alcohol and sip on it and they end up sharing the same glass of alcohol while we are watching tv. My husband didn't say or do anything. Before that, we were playing cards with my 10 year old child so it was 4 of us. She was next to my husband and everytime my husband will put a card she will looked at him flirtatiously while giggling saying all the time that he is cheating. She also often kick him softly on his thigh. I spoke to my husband about that and told him that I feel uncomfortable and a bit upset about it and he said that he didn't think too much about when they shared the same glass together. He said he thought she just doesn't want to pour herself a drink so that she won't drink too much. Please tell me, is it normal that I feel upset and thanks for your advice.

    You admit that you are already know WHO your friend is and what she is like. So, she's being consistent. Just hang out with her alone from now on. The issue stems from not expecting your husband to behave the way he did.
    Your HUSBAND is the one who allowed "crossing boundaries". So, let's explore that, because if he thinks it's okay with this friend, he thinks it's okay with ANY woman.

    Have you and your husband had a direct conversation about what your boundary expectations as a couple are? If not, it is time to do so.
    You can't just assume you are on the same page about everything. Clearly, he has no issue with light flirting and you seemed to be REALLY triggered by it.

    Every couple is different. Personally, I don't see any huge issue here. I let friends take sips from my wine glass if they want to try something, and so does my husband. The leg thing and teasing him is a little flirtatious, yes. But I think it's a FAR stretch from that to them jumping into bed together. IMVHO, most people (even happily married people) enjoy occasional light flirting with the opposite sex. Most people like the ego boost, to be honest.
    It doesn't necessarily mean that they are "into" the other person or are going to cheat. But most adults flirt, at LEAST a little.

    But it's really all about your personal boundaries. What one couple considers to be totally inappropriate and cheating, some couples might laugh off. It's all about your comfort level.
    You need to sit down with him and say something like " I can tell from what happened the other day that we may be on different pages about what our boundaries as a married couple are, so I feel like we should discuss that."
    Then see what he says. Only you can know if you find his answers to be acceptable to you or deal-breakers.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Good post Red.

    And this is indeed the bottom line:

    You need to sit down with him and say something like " I can tell from what happened the other day that we may be on different pages about what our boundaries as a married couple are, so I feel like we should discuss that."
    Then see what he says. Only you can know if you find his answers to be acceptable to you or deal-breakers.


  7. #16
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You already spoke with him so obviously he enjoyed the attention. But that's your husband's problem. Is he usually this flirty with other women?
    Originally Posted by Nicelion
    I spoke to my husband about that and told him that I feel uncomfortable and a bit upset about it and he said that he didn't think too much about when they shared the same glass together. He said he thought she just doesn't want to pour herself a drink so that she won't drink too much.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    She sounds like a child who never grew.

    If this were my husband I'd probably have an eyebrow raised, wondering what he enjoys sexually about emotionally/psychologically stunted women.

    The bigger issue I think is your husband.

    You both have some marital issues and you may not know him as well as you think. You've done your talking. Do more observing and see how he reacts in general to all scenarios, not just this one.

    Keep in mind that how your husband behaves may or may not have anything to do with you so don't start guilting yourself for any nonsense just yet. Just observe more.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by Capricorn3
    She's clearly a flirt and doesn't know (or care) where to draw the line. She's basically disrespecting YOU and your relationship. As for your husband, he needs to have boundaries too. I would put some distance between this "friend".
    I second this, for sure.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    It's time to get a new friend.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Most wouldn't want thier spouse flirting with thier friends. Given you've already talked to him and he basically dismissed it.

    Think about the quality of your marriage and if marriage therapy could improve your husband's boundaries, communication and respect for you.

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