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Thread: Please advice!!

  1. #1

    Please advice!!

    So I was dating this guy a while ago, he was amazing however my life wasnt together and Id just come out of a long term relationship so it fizzled out and he moved across the other side of the world to travel which we also spoke about as I wanted to travel to, Fast forward 12 months we still speak all the time and he still randomly messages me stuff like I seen this girl and she was the spit of you I just stood there admiring her I think he still holds a candle for me but hes thousands of miles away. Im due to go to university but I cant shift this feeling of just wanting to jump on a plane and go over there. However I have a life and commitments here. I dont want to look back and say what if, however I dont want to go over there and regret it. Any advice is appreciated. Thankyou

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Enjoy the pen-pal contact but get busy with your local life. He sounds friendly but this is not a rom-com where you surprise him and you fall into each other's arms. See what happens.
    Originally Posted by Love75393
    Im due to go to university. However I have a life and commitments here.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    So he has a type..... I mean his comments aren't really that flattering to you, OP.

    Also, if he is telling you he is checking out other women/dating/whatever - that right there is the friend zone and you are firmly in it. What may have started as romance, now fizzled out to just pen pals. He is fully living his life and he is telling you about it. If you find that this chatter is keeping you stuck and stopping you from living your own life fully, probably best to stop chatting so much or even cut him out completely.

    In your shoes, I'd focus more on uni, making good friends who also like to travel, dating and maybe next summer you can all go as a group and have a blast for a bit. Live your life instead of pining about some dude half a world away. You'll find that living your life is so much more fulfilling than a rom com fantasy in your head. Also, you'll find that creating a fulfilling life for yourself, pursuing what you want and getting it will leave little room for wasting time on this kind of stuff.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    His comments are superficial. They aren't even grammatically correct and I agree with DancingFool - they are not flattering whatsoever. Focus on your life and keep building on your interests locally.

    Travel on your own terms. Find new reasons to jump on a plane. These are all the wrong reasons to be involved with someone or travel right now. Are you aware of any restrictions or quarantine requirements once you land?

    I'd really like to go back to Bali but it doesn't mean that it's possible for me at the moment. There are people I'd like to see also but I know that they aren't going anywhere. If you have this slippery feeling like this person could get away or is slippery as an eel, take note. People who value you and care about you don't ever make you feel like you're pressured to do anything.

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by Love75393
    t I cant shift this feeling of just wanting to jump on a plane and go over there. However I have a life and commitments here. I dont want to look back and say what if, however I dont want to go over there and regret it. Any advice is appreciated. Thankyou
    Realistically, is this even possible right now? Not only because of pandemic restrictions, but also your finances? Life goals? What would be your plan - to travel, and then?

    It sounds like you two enjoy each other's company, but the real-life logistics of this aren't in your favour.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    He's just a flirty interaction...there are plenty of attractive guys on the planet that are closer to you.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    He's just an entertaining texting buddy. His talk is cheap and meaningless.

    Remain realistic. LDRs (long distance relationships) are doomed for failure for obvious reasons (inconvenience, expensive travel, hassle, rarely see each other in person, drift apart, etc.)

    He's on the other side of the world, you have a life and commitments where you are, you're due to go to university and you're half way around the world from him as well.

    Always be practical, reasonable and sensible in life and relationships.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    You'll be meeting so many attractive guys on campus. You'll often meet people anywhere you are whom you share chemistry with, but so much more has to come together for the relationship to realistically go anywhere. I wouldn't invest emotional energy into someone thousands of miles away. Believe me, when you meet a cute local guy, that far away guy will be placed firmly on the back burner. You'll likely be placed there as well when he meets someone where he is, if his personality and looks are so appealing. He's single, so don't you expect that to happen?

    Guard your heart as far as he's concerned, and concentrate more on your local life.


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