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Thread: I donít know what to do

  1. #1

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    I donít know what to do

    So Iíve been with my partner for almost 3 years and weíve had our ups and downs like any other couple. Heís raised my son since he was 3 months old and I cannot thank him enough for this but lately since weíve decided to give everything one last shot it feels like heís just abandoned everything.

    Iíve pulled him aside on how I feel many times and it feels like he just doesnít care anymore. Heís always saying we argue although we donít and heís always blaming me for things I havenít even done or even know about.

    Another thing that brings me down is that it feels like he doesnít want to make the effort anymore and spend time with me or even ďhisĒ son. It feels like I am being brought down every single day and itís starting to really upset me. He will spend every single bit of time he has with his mate yet when it comes to seeing me or his ďsonĒ he will say heís busy.

    Iím at a point where I feel like Iím going crazy and I donít know what to do. Iíve put everything on the line and done everything I possibly can to make sure heís happy but all I get in return is him having a go at me.

    How do I get him to realise that there is no effort anymore and that his priorityís should be with me and ďhisĒ son? Iím struggling so much

  2. #2
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    You don't. You break up. He has lost interest in working at the relationship. You cannot force him to make an effort, and this is all very bad for you and your son. End it, heal, and move on.

  3. #3
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    Perhaps he's changed his mind about bringing up someone else's child. Either way this does t look good. I'd end it rather than wait for him too. Sorry but I don't see anything positive in the future for you and him.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Where is the child's father. You have lost your focus on the relationship and tried to force fit him into a stepfather role. Your child has a father.

    You started dating him when your child was 3 mos old? It sounds like you never had much couple time and tried to dive right into being a "family" without much dating or romance.
    Last edited by Wiseman2; 07-13-2020 at 03:00 AM.

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by Leahjade
    How do I get him to realise that there is no effort anymore and that his priorityís should be with me and ďhisĒ son? Iím struggling so much
    You can't make him realize this if he just doesn't feel the same way anymore, unfortunately. It sounds like he isn't interested in trying any longer and doesn't know how to tell you it's over.

    What's the history between you two? You mentioned this is giving it one last shot, which suggests things have been rocky. Have there been near-breakups before?

  7. #6

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    Heís not in his life due to other reasons and no Iíve not once forced him into a stepfather role, heís taken it upon himself to look after him like his own and Iíve never told him he had to do that. Me and him have still had time to ourselves and have had couple time over the years. Like I said before he made every decision in regards to being a ďfamilyĒ

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Do you live together? How old is he? Unfortunately he has zero obligation to your child . The child is your and the father's responsibility

    For example it's your responsibility to secure child support on behalf of your son. It's your responsibility to take care of him.

    How did it come about that you were dating 3 MOS after giving birth?

    How do I get him to realise that there is no effort anymore and that his priorityís should be with me and ďhisĒ son? Iím struggling so much
    Last edited by Wiseman2; 07-13-2020 at 06:28 AM.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    OP, he is picking fights, claiming you are fighting, spending time away from you and otherwise being nasty to you because he wants out of the relationship. Except that he is a coward who would rather drive you crazy and hurt you to the point where you finally do the breaking up for him, rather than be decent and just end the relationship. He is tormenting you intentionally and he knows what he is doing and what his end goal is.

    The only question is how long do you want to drag this out keeping in mind that he'll only make it increasingly more painful for you. Just end this already and stop the torment. Keep in mind that your child is witnessing this bs as well. This guy needs to be gone yesterday. Yes, he helped you and now he is being cruel. Whatever he did in the past, doesn't make up for the cruelty now. Kick him out because ultimately that's what he is seeking. He just wants to tell everyone that he is a "good guy" and you dumped him.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by Leahjade
    Heís not in his life due to other reasons and no Iíve not once forced him into a stepfather role, heís taken it upon himself to look after him like his own and Iíve never told him he had to do that. Me and him have still had time to ourselves and have had couple time over the years. Like I said before he made every decision in regards to being a ďfamilyĒ
    Did he adopt your son? If not then it is not his son and he can bow out at any time - you are the mother and took this risk. I'm sorry it's not working out.

  11. #10
    Communication is the key to any good and successful relationship. Have an honest discussion about your feelings, concerns ,needs and his as well. Make sure you do it when your calm and coming from a loving frame of mind. Think about it and write down the things you want to say. I will be praying for you.

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