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Thread: I don't know what to do...

  1. #1

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    I don't know what to do...

    A few months ago my mom basically left my dad, sister, and myself. Although I am an adult it really messed me up. My depression and anxiety got so bad I had to quit my job because I was having brake downs on a weekly basis and couldn't handle the stress of work on top of what she did. I admit I became a little distant from my boyfriend who I had just moved in with. I am starting to come to terms with what she did, but my relationship with my boyfriend has completely changed. I don't know if it is because he became frustrated or what but he has become pretty mean. Add that to the fact that he was kind of controlling before and that also got worse...I am not sure it is a good idea to stay with him. Before the only thing he would do was threaten our relationship when things weren't his way, now he gets mad about almost everything. I want to sleep over at my families house and he tells me I have a responsibility to be home with him at night. I got very upset with that and he said he didn't mind if I spent time with my family, just not at night. Turns out that is not true because he gets mad when I go hang out with them in the day time too. There is always an excuse as to why he is mad about it. He also says and does mean things to me now and when I try to talk to him about it he just gets mad. The last time he even got meaner. He says he is just joking around but the things he does isn't right. He jokingly pretended he was going to hit me with a baking sheet, changing the look on his face to very p... off look. He jokingly said for me to shut up or he was going to punch me in the gut when I was trying to tell him I don't like when he is mean to me. How is that joking around? In what world is that supposed to be funny? And then today on my birthday he is trying to be nice and tell me how much he loves me. I don't know what to think...maybe it is my fault for pulling away that he is acting like this...maybe he is just young and that's how he is with his friends so he is trying to joke that way with me...although if that was the case why not stop when I say to stop...He did comfort me when I was upset about what happened with my mom. Am I over reacting...is it my fault...or are these warning signs. I keep telling myself he wont hurt me, but I don't know if I truly believe that...

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You already know that you are in an abusive situation and need to get out.

    See a doctor about the mental health issues.

    You need to get your job back and reestablish your Independence .

  3. #3
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    Iím a bit confused by your opening sentence stating that your mother left your dad , your sister and yourself?

    You were not living at home when your mother left your dad.
    Why are you viewing this as your mother abandoning you?
    Has your mother stopped contact with you or vice versa?

    Your reaction to events seem extreme.
    Quitting your job because your parents marriage ended is not an outwardly normal response given the limited details you have provided?

    Why couldnít you have asked for some leave from work ?
    And as an adult, having recently moved in with your bf ,you have responsibilities to pay rent , bills etc.

    Are you asking your bf to pay your share? Can he afford to?
    Is there undue pressure on him now? What if he finds it all too stressful and quits his job?
    Then what?

    Regardless if you leave him, you still are responsible to the agreed bills over a lease period.

    Can you please clarify?

  4. #4
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    If someone is pissed you see your family and threatens to hit you you gather your important things and walk out, permanently.

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  6. #5

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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    Iím a bit confused by your opening sentence stating that your mother left your dad , your sister and yourself?

    You were not living at home when your mother left your dad.
    Why are you viewing this as your mother abandoning you?
    Has your mother stopped contact with you or vice versa?

    Your reaction to events seem extreme.
    Quitting your job because your parents marriage ended is not an outwardly normal response given the limited details you have provided?

    Why couldnít you have asked for some leave from work ?
    And as an adult, having recently moved in with your bf ,you have responsibilities to pay rent , bills etc.

    Are you asking your bf to pay your share? Can he afford to?
    Is there undue pressure on him now? What if he finds it all too stressful and quits his job?
    Then what?

    Regardless if you leave him, you still are responsible to the agreed bills over a lease period.

    Can you please clarify?

    She did not just leave, she did other stuff that hurt the whole family before she left. At the time I was still at home. I had moved out when she said she was leaving the state. There were also things going on at work that I could not handle on top of the family issues, like the fact I was sexually harassed and the company was doing nothing about it. I have always had bad mental health problems and this all made them become even worse. I know it may not seem extreme and I do not want to go into detail, but to me it was something i mentally could not handle. I know I am weak and he knew that from the very start.
    Money is not a problem, we both had a lot saved and still do. He is also currently not working because he was a part time security at a theater and they are not open now. He is also in the army but that again is also part time and was put on hold because of this whole virus thing. I have been looking for work and plan to start again very soon. Him on the other hand has not put any effort into finding work at all.
    Also with the lease, there are laws that allow anyone who is in an abusive relationship out of that lease to protect themselves. It is also up in September.
    Last edited by Nina89; 07-12-2020 at 10:14 AM.

  7. #6
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    You need to get out long before September just take your stuff and go to your dadís and stay there. Or you tell your father youíre being abused and have your father come with you to pick your stuff up.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Your parents estrangement is not your fault . Why did your mother flee the house?

  9. #8

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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    You need to get out long before September just take your stuff and go to your dadís and stay there. Or you tell your father youíre being abused and have your father come with you to pick your stuff up.
    Sadly my mom left my dad homeless and he has been staying with family. I would hate to crowd the place even more than it already is...
    Last edited by Nina89; 07-12-2020 at 10:17 AM.

  10. #9

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Your parents estrangement is not your fault . Why did your mother flee the house?
    She told my dad she no longer wanted to be a wife and mother.
    Last edited by Nina89; 07-12-2020 at 10:15 AM.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by Nina89
    Sadly my mom left my dad homeless and he has been staying with family. I would hate to crowd the place even more than it already is...
    You need to talk to your father about your boyfriend abusing you. Chickensh*t abusers get away with this stuff because no one talks about it. I bet you he wouldnít talk about hitting you in front of your dad.

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