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ADVICE NEEDED: My deadbeat dads ex girlfriend keeps trying to contact me?? WHY?


rchubn

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Why is my deadbeat dads ex girlfriend keeps trying to reach out to me?

 

Some background:

 

- she and her daughter lived with my dad growing up and he treated his step daughter significantly different than his bio children. His step daughter always had nice clothes and toys growing up, he would even purchase things for her in front of his own children. She was very lucky in the sense that his step daughters dad provided for her AND my dad provided for her as well. Her dad and my dad would always try to "outspend" eachother when it came to my step sister and that money was never extended to his biological children.

 

- Before he ditched me completely my siblings and I would spend weekends at their house and his girlfriend at the time was annoyed about that because my dad had 7 bio kids visiting at once, I remember overhearing conversations about that. He eventually discarded some of us and I was one of the four that got cut off.

 

(There are some siblings that I've never met in person/dont remember meeting in person because they initially tried to have us around in smaller groups like a rotation but that eventually failed and decisions needed to be made)

 

This brought me unbelievable pain at a very young age that I still struggle with well into my adult life. This has brought so much damage into my siblings/my live/s. My older siblings were young parents, some of them in domestic abusive relationships, some of us had failing outs with our moms and ended up homeless, about three of my siblings have had suicide attempts and only two of us graduated high school/completed a GED program.

 

Last night, she contacted me and I'm really confused WHY and what I should do about it. I can't wrap my head around why she would contact?

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I know it's not her fault and he had the ultimate say but my siblings and I were seen as outsiders of their family and having a vivid memory of her giving him this ultimatum, it feels like her interest in our lives stems from her wanting to see the fall out or end result.

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Because I'm a curious person, I probably would ask her (in a very guarded way), what she was wanting. But at the same time, not giving any kind of information away.

 

Then if she was trying to find something out that I wasn't willing to share, I would wish her well and not reply again.

 

But more than anything, I would be more curious over her reason for contacting with no real motive to actually talk with her.

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This may be more painful if you don't have a solid relationship with your father. She is a link or was a link to him and it hurts you still.

 

The relationship between your father and this woman seems a bit disorganized, poorly timed or maybe a bad influence overall on your father because of the way he treated his biological children. I don't think it's a good idea to communicate with her as much as you might want to lash out or give her a piece of your mind or ask her questions.

 

I wouldn't seek help or answers from this woman. Contact a local support group, your therapist, take a few moments to ask yourself why you're feeling these waves of different emotions. I think they all have to do with unresolved pain and frustration with your father. If you've made progress in these years past, I wouldn't let myself slide back so easily just because someone decides one day she's bored and needs someone to talk to.

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