Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 23

Thread: Is casual trash talk normal among friends

  1. #11
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    51,975
    The issue isn't that they feel jealous -the issue is how they react to the jealousy with as you put it "trash talk". I like talking about people with people but not trash talk - I think humans are fascinating so I like sharing anecdotes that reflect common experiences, common ideas, values, what makes people tick -but not in a gossipy way at all -very often with no names -as Sherry put it -to discuss ideas. You can do that too -without gossiping and yet it's interesting to talk about how humans react, their choices, their lives etc. Also what do you like -I love talking about good books or good theater (when there is theater, sigh, about travel and travel experiences -what lights you up?

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    4,066
    Just stay busy and keep to yourself. Whatever they want to say is up to them. You can't really change the way others think. Just make sure your own actions and words don't hurt or offend anyone. If you think someone is being bullied or hurt, help them and set a new example.

    You married into this family and are from somewhere else? Unfortunately this is a lifetime of association for you. Learn to tune out a lot more and just mind your own business unless it concerns you and your business. You should be fine.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    40,061
    Gender
    Male
    Just walk away from simple minded people who gossip.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2017
    Location
    Europe
    Posts
    2,290
    Gender
    Female
    Why the downer, OP?

    "itís going to be hard to adjust to a new group that talks about more important things and not gossiping about people. Iím scared I will be a boring person to talk to lol."

    I'll go one better than Wiseman: Walk away from empty-headed people who gossip inanely.

  5.  

  6. #15
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    23,112
    Gender
    Female
    It's a delicate balance with family members who live close. Offending them (or your husband) gains you a headache you can't get rid of, and it's just not necessary--or practical.

    So I'd be gentle. I'd drop some seeds that I'm taking up an online book club, or a baking class, or a scrapbooking group--whatever. I wouldn't go into details. I'd reply to any questions with, "I don't know yet." But the main question I'd want answer is WHY. "Oh, just looking for a little bit of 'me' time, that's all."

    I'd accept any ribbing in a good-natured way.

    From there, I'd play the happy hostess whenever it's our turn to host the group. Next time we're due to another's I'd send husband ahead with cupcakes or chips or something and have him tell the hosts that I'll be coming behind him in an hour. I'm finishing a project for my new hobby.

    Next time I'd be on time, but after that, I'd be absent but send along some food. Then I'd be on time again, but I'd start checker-boarding my time as I stay good natured about any teasing for carving out my 'me' time.

    Point is, you can reduce your exposure and expand your focus onto other people and interests, but when it comes to family, you'll need to finesse it and be kind about it. Otherwise, it may not be worth the friction.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2017
    Location
    Europe
    Posts
    2,290
    Gender
    Female
    OP. Stopping seeing people does not mean "fighting" with them.

    "If I were to stop seeing them, it would be extremely noticeable and obvious. I donít want a fight with them,"

    I agree with Cher:

    Redirect your focus away from them and you will be a happier person. Also, associate with people whom you admire and respect and bring you joy.

    Anyhow

    Back in 1917 OP you said (note the underlined):

    Things I love about my husband:

    -We balance (heís laid back, and I worry about every little thing. He keeps me from going crazy)
    -He makes me laugh daily
    -We have the same goals
    -He makes me feel safe
    -Heís one of the only people I can 100% be myself around (though sometimes Iím scared to talk to him about things that bother me because I hate fighting with him)
    -He works harder than anyone I know
    -He makes me a better person without trying to change me into a different person
    -Heís always there for me when I need him
    -I adore his family
    -I find him very attractive
    Last edited by LaHermes; 07-12-2020 at 12:15 PM.

  8. #17
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    508
    As a general rule I don't spent time with people that bring me or others down. But, when avoiding them is not an option (eg. family members, etc) I'd limit the amount of time I spent with them. In your case, you could accept some invites (not all) but only stay there for about an hour or whatever is considered appropriate. Whilst being there if they start to gossip change the conversation and talk about the weather, pets or anything else that's not controversial. Most people will get the hint that you're not interested in gossiping.

    Then after some suitable time, politely excuse yourself and leave. You don't have to attend every invitation, nor do you have to stay for very long.

    That's my suggestion anyway.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2017
    Location
    Europe
    Posts
    2,290
    Gender
    Female
    Well said, Greendots

    "As a general rule I don't spent time with people that bring me or others down. "

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    2,533
    People who trash talk, trash talk about YOU and your husband whenever your back is turned. I don't trust people who bad mouth others because you're fair game, too. They trash talk about you at your expense. They're not to be trusted. Just make sure you're radar is up and don't be naive.

    Avoid the farm people as much as possible and if you're in their company, keep your limited, brief conversations superficial at best. Then get busy and do something else. Don't waste your time, energy and attention on people whom you don't admire and respect.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    5,020
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Marshmellow12
    I think itís probably about time I spend less time with them. Which is a shame because I do genuinely enjoy their company when they arenít being jealous of people.
    I agree and I totally understand.

    When I was in graduate school, I was seated for a year next to two guys who I liked as people, but who were incessant complainers/gossipers. That's when I discovered how draining it was to be around people like that.

    The next year, I chose a seat where I was not within earshot of those two, and I felt so much better!

    By the third and final year of the program, others had caught on about these guys as well. We realized that one of the guys was worse than the other, and also that they didn't complain as much when they were apart.

    I still laugh when I think of the lengths we went through to keep the one guy totally out of our studio for the last semester.

Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast

Videos


Maintaining A Strong Relationship

Detaching From a Malignant Man

Divorced Parents Prefer Technology and Social Media As Communication Tool

Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •