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Thread: trying to trust

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    The only problem with porn is when it starts to eclipse personal relationships and take on a life of its own, where a person is no longer able to tell fact from fiction and is turning to fictitious personalities or sources of oppression, objectification and victimization when it comes to women (usually) as real life ideals of what should occur in personal relationships. I think this is especially dangerous and terrifying when we think of the number of cases of rape, assault and horrific crimes against women or in domestic abuse situations where elements of control are out of control. If your partner is also using porn or video chats to interact with third parties outside the relationship, I think it also takes away from the relationship unless there's an agreement or shared understanding that it is ok.

    The biggest issue to me about your relationship are the omissions and lies including continuing visit chat rooms which is adds a new dimension to just viewing or looking at porn. Entering chat rooms or seeking person to person interaction is taking it one step further and fulfilling something else for him that he needs but can't get from your relationship or any relationship. I wouldn't be ok with this either in a relationship. I don't think anyone should have to agree to anything they don't like or want in their life regardless of whether it's chat rooms, porn, lies and omissions etc.

    Take a time out for a moment. Start planning your next steps. Do you see yourself with this person? What else do you hope for in your future? Sometimes the pain is so great from potentially losing someone we care about that we completely forget other things that matter to us. Start feeling out for those other parts of yourself also and get a good sense of what you want for yourself going forward. It usually starts out like a distant mirage flickering in the distance but start forming a better idea or better view of yourself and what you want for yourself out of life. You'll guide yourself through this one. Getting Ready for a First Date
    Last edited by Rose Mosse; 07-11-2020 at 08:28 PM.

  2. #12
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    You two are not compatible, OP.

    He's been trying to convince you that he's the guy you want him to be, but he just isn't. Now that the facade has come down and you know who he really is and what his preferences actually are - you have to decide if this is the man you want. Not the man you thought he was, but this version of him: unvarnished, no falsifications of what he truly does when your head is turned. Because this is the man you've actually been dating.

    It's your prerogative to choose not to stay. But if you do, understand that you will need to concede that he is different from the idea you of him in your mind. You have every right to be disappointed that he's not that guy, but that's where you will have some heavy lifting to do if you stay. Can you accept that this is who he genuinely is?

  3. #13
    Gold Member Spawn's Avatar
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    porn is not bad but too much of it and how we engage ourselves with it can make anybody disconnected with normal life, when you want real relationships, unfortunately the person who watches so much of porn is an addict, they need help may be a therapist would be the right person to help him but for him to get back to normal will take lot of effort and patience, most importantly he needs to accept that he needs help. You are right to feel disrespected, unwanted in the relationship which is not good for your own well being.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    "When someone shows you who they are, believe it."
    - Maya or Oprah or Somebody

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