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Thread: Not sure if this girl is too full-on

  1. #11
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I don't find anything wrong with someone who texts back right away, or who writes heaps in their texts. I don't judge them as being "clingy". In fact, I just see it as their communication style, nothing more.

    Some people actually prefer people like this woman when it comes to texting. They like texters who reply back right away and who engage in longer chats/messages.

    If it was a man or a woman without disability, would you also react differently?
    Honestly, this crossed my mind too. Would you be judging her so harshly if she were a successful business woman who was jet setting all over the world?
    Would you then find her rapid interest and texts flattering instead?
    Maybe you see her instant replies as annoying because you see her as someone with no life and someone who has nothing better to do?

  2. 07-11-2020, 12:32 PM


  3. #12
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    You have a pen pal that is all. Anyone would be lonely and more focused on texting because they have a restricted lifestyle. Her life has been of isolation..work, home, caring for her dad, dealing with her health and mental struggles. IMO this woman needs someone else. Someone with a huge heart, compassionate and patient. You are just looking for more experience with dating women...this gal's situation is too complex, has too much to deal with in her life. You need different is what I'm saying.
    Last edited by smackie9; 07-11-2020 at 02:30 PM.

  4. #13
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    Actually the getting experience with women was more of a throw away comment. If I'm not romantically interested in a woman, I still wouldn't date her. After my ex-girlfriend and I broke up in 2014, I went on a number of dates with women and some wanted to date me, but I didn't feel the same so I didn't take it further. Even recently I'd met a different girl on online dating but I didn't feel a spark in person. She was actually nice and attractive, but she was twelve years younger than I. She was 23 and I'm 35. I found her maturity level a lot lower than mine, which is understandable considering the big age gap. So I didn't pursue that either. I did make the comment that I'd like more experience with women, but I don't know why that was perceived as that I would literally date any woman whatsoever to gain the experience.

    Actually now it's been a day since I posted this thread and she kept texting me more. To be honest I would call her communication style actually "bombarding". Often she doesn't wait to actually get a response and she continues to text more even though I haven't actually replied. That actually is annoying. And she texts A LOT. The texts are also very long and she asks a lot of questions. I know we are trying to get to know each other but we are not dating, we've never even met in person. I don't think it's wrong to want to take it slower when you only just met the person. And met on video chat, not in real life.

    Her illness I don't have an issue with actually, I only mentioned it to tell a bit about her. I didn't only talk about her illness, I also said she has a university degree and she's an antiques dealer. I was just describing her. My ex fiance of two years actually had serious mental illness and it didn't bother me in and of itself.

    However I might think that anyone who constantly keeps texting and texting, even without reply, has nothing better to do. Regardless of whether they have a job or not.

  5. #14
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    Originally Posted by smackie9
    You have a pen pal that is all. Anyone would be lonely and more focused on texting because they have a restricted lifestyle. Her life has been of isolation..work, home, caring for her dad, dealing with her health and mental struggles. IMO this woman needs someone else. Someone with a huge heart, compassionate and patient. You are just looking for more experience with dating women...this gal's situation is too complex, has too much to deal with in her life. You need different is what I'm saying.
    Sorry but are you implying I am not compassionate and have no heart? I don't understand why a few people here just assumed that all I want is to use her to get experience with women. Where did I say that? I said I found her cute and enjoyed talking to her on video chat. For that reason I wanted to continue talking to her and getting to know her more. If I had zero attraction and zero interest in her then I wouldn't continue interacting with her just because she's a woman. I still want to date women I actually like, not just literally anybody with a vagina.

    And regarding having compassion, I am actually a mental health and disability welfare worker. I've been working in that field for seven years and I used to volunteer for a number of years too. And keep in mind that this woman said on her actual online dating profile that she has this serious autoimmune condition, is on the autism spectrum, and she can't work and is her father's carer. She did also say a lot of other things on her profile which I liked and found interesting. If I had no heart then I would just immediately have a problem with what she said about her conditions and I wouldn't have even replied to her message that she sent me.

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  7. #15
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    I think it would be unfair of you to use this woman in order to get the ďexperienceĒ you desire with women.
    I didn't say I didn't like her though. If I actually didn't like her then that would be classified as using her. I said at the start of my post that in the video chat I found her cute and enjoyed the conversation. Beyond that I don't know if dating will work out because I can't actually even meet her in person. I am in a strict coronavirus quarantine for six weeks where the only reason I can leave the house is to go to the supermarket or doctor. I was happy to continue talking to this woman and see if anything develops. This is from online dating so I don't actually really know her. But yes I don't like it when anyone, man or woman, is texting really constantly and even double and triple texting when they didn't get a response. I think double and triple texting is only warranted if they needed an urgent answer. In this case it's just chatting about random things. When I first meet someone I like to take it slow. Maybe text a bit once or twice a day. This woman is texting really constantly and the messages are also very long. So it takes effort to type out every single response, it takes time to comment on everything she said and answer all her questions. Then a few times she didn't get a reply and she texted again. That makes me feel really pressured to keep responding at a fast rate. She replies immediately and obviously expects me to do the same but it's tiring replying constantly because it seems evident she wants the messages to be very long.

  8. #16
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    I don't think you need excuses at this point not to like someone. You may be subconsciously pitying her or feeling sorry for her. She too on the other hand may be very insecure and needing constant reminders or affirmations that you accept her and still want her. Dating an insecure person, whatever gender, doesn't work very well.

    Switch the gender or sex for a moment. If she was man, would you react differently?

    If it was a man or a woman without disability, would you also react differently?

    It may give you some idea of how you feel towards this person and break down why it's so hard to be clear or honest with yourself that this isn't what you're looking for.

    Before you go down the route reflecting on your childhood, I think it's also a good idea to look at what motivates your interest in dating right now. Is it casual fun/nothing serious or is it a committed relationship/open to a relationship?

    I think two people should have it on their dating profile or at least establish this in the first date or "meet" whether it's virtual or in person. It works as a reminder to yourself, most of all, what you're looking for so you don't fall into the trap of accepting people into your life who don't share the same ideas of what you're looking for.
    I am looking for an actual relationship with any person, doesn't have to be female. This woman actually messaged me first on the dating site so I responded because I liked her profile. But I do like to have a partner who is fairly independent and lets me be independent too. I have a lot of friends and interests and I want my partner to understand that I also want to spend time with my friends and to do my own things. This is alongside doing a lot of things with them too of course. I think that maybe I perceive someone you're dating constantly texting you as that they actually are not that independent. That they need to be "attached at the hip" to their partner and can't also focus on other things. Someone independent doesn't have to be with their partner constantly or hear from their partner constantly.

  9. #17
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    So her communication style is very long. Nothing wrong with it. Mine is short and direct . I know people with long communication styles who donít find me very communicative and therefore frustrating. However, when Iím with people I can talk a blue streak itís just written communication Iím short and the point. But I think thatís because I want to move on to something else.

    I tend to answer texts as soon as possible because I find it rude when you donít. Even to shoot somebody a quick text to say Iím not available to answer right now but I will answer you as soon as possible.
    Well the thing is without coronavirus it's not actually always possible to reply to texts immediately. Normally people might be busy doing something. Work, study, spending time with people. I think if you're catching up with family or friends, you shouldn't just be on your phone because it's actually rude. Like, if you're having a coffee with a friend and you keep pulling your phone out and texting, it's bad manners. So I just reply to people when I actually can reply. I was both working and studying so I was a lot busier before. Now my course has finished and I'm in quarantine, so I am actually pretty free now. But otherwise I was a fairly busy person.

  10. #18
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    I don't find anything wrong with someone who texts back right away, or who writes heaps in their texts. I don't judge them as being "clingy". In fact, I just see it as their communication style, nothing more.

    Some people actually prefer people like this woman when it comes to texting. They like texters who reply back right away and who engage in longer chats/messages.



    Honestly, this crossed my mind too. Would you be judging her so harshly if she were a successful business woman who was jet setting all over the world?
    Would you then find her rapid interest and texts flattering instead?
    Maybe you see her instant replies as annoying because you see her as someone with no life and someone who has nothing better to do?
    Lol Actually I just find it a turn off when someone you've only just met comes on too strong. I like to take things slow and relaxed. I remember in the past I started seeing this guy and he also texted me really constantly. He was actually a software engineer working full-time, so he did have a job. But he texted first thing in the morning and also at night "good morning babe", "good night babe" and all day text after text. I do want to talk to the person I'm trying to date but in a slow paced flow. Same as if you're going on dates. When you only just met, you don't go on a date every day. You might only go on a date once a week. With texting I'm happy to send a few texts back and forth every day or every other day, but it doesn't have to be all day long constant back and forth.

  11. #19
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Honestly, it sounds like you're incompatible then. It's not something that will change drastically and I always think to myself, that if something about them is annoying straight away like this, normally more comes along.

    Maybe just keep her as a friend and let her know it's not going to work out. Then at least she can get back on the dating site and find someone else to text.

  12. #20
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Tinydance
    Well the thing is without coronavirus it's not actually always possible to reply to texts immediately. Normally people might be busy doing something. Work, study, spending time with people. I think if you're catching up with family or friends, you shouldn't just be on your phone because it's actually rude. Like, if you're having a coffee with a friend and you keep pulling your phone out and texting, it's bad manners. So I just reply to people when I actually can reply. I was both working and studying so I was a lot busier before. Now my course has finished and I'm in quarantine, so I am actually pretty free now. But otherwise I was a fairly busy person.
    Just diffťrence of opinion. I have a day home 12 hours a day. If my mother text me I will still respond and say hey look i am making lunch I will text after daycare closes. Talk then . Love you.

    I donít consider that rude to the people I am with as it literally takes 30 seconds and it is respectful to my mother.

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