Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 6 of 7 FirstFirst ... 34567 LastLast
Results 51 to 60 of 65

Thread: Family visits

  1. #51
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    39,623
    Gender
    Male
    People suggested many things you could say without offending anyone. It's bizarre to stay with your ex-husbands house and clean up, hide in your room,etc.

    They may be relieved that you are not crowding them, intruding on them and giving off your contemptuous vibe. It would be less strained for everyone.

  2. #52
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    24,932
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Sweet Sue
    Wiseman....it's better for me to stay in a hotel for so many reasons. I just don't know how to let her know that I will be staying in a hotel, after so many years of staying with her.
    It will hurt her feelings as well as my grandson's. I just wish I knew of what to say.

    There is no overt abuse or neglect, thank goodness.
    Say you will also be in town to visit friends
    Or just say "i am staying at the Holiday Inn" and thats that.

    Why are you so afraid of her?

    If you won't do that, then you just like to complain.

    BTW< if the child is peeing on walls in the house, something IS wrong. Maybe not abuse, but this child is probably emotionally starved and its not up to you to solve it unless you are willing to take the child in

  3. #53
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    214
    Wiseman........ You are twisting my words, like you always do!
    The only time I retreat to my room is when she and her father start arguing.
    Otherwise, I am very present.
    Yes, it is bizarre, but I only did it because of financial reasons. I don't mind helping out with the clean ups, after all
    I have made some of the mess myself. It's the right thing to do.
    I take issue with your insinuating that I am giving off a contemptuous vibe, just because I choose to leave the room when
    they start arguing. Are you suggesting I join in the fight?
    That would be insane.

  4. #54
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    39,623
    Gender
    Male
    If money is the real reason you stay with them, then you don't need an excuse to not stay there. If it's too uncomfortable in your ex-husbands house and hotels are too expensive, perhaps visit less often. Has your daughter and grandson been invited to visit you?

  5.  

  6. #55
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2017
    Location
    Europe
    Posts
    2,065
    Gender
    Female
    Sue:

    "I also hear the harsh words and the screams that
    are so bad, I either leave the room or end the phone conversations. She goes can be collectively calm, then in an instant, she
    is yelling at him and sometimes uses profanity.

    She presents herself as a loving, kind, mother because she is a master manipulator."


    The child should not be subjected to this.

    Just say to your D that you cannot stay in her house because you cannot put up with the screaming, yelling and profanity. And that is the reason you choose to stay in a hotel.

    It is all very upsetting, I can see. And who knows, maybe the DHR never visited.

  7. #56
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    214
    They need no invitation to visit. I have an open door policy here. They don't visit often because she doesn't like to drive long distance. She also knows her father can't care for the animals and she will not put them in a kennel.
    My boyfriend takes me to see my daughter and books a room, reminding me to call if things go bad. He spends his time hiking and biking on the mountain. It is something he would much rather do than hang around the house with my family, and they understand. However, knowing how unstable she is, I usually stay with her in order to spend more time with her and the grands. I don't care to see my ex husband, but I can't avoid it. He lives there and works from home. Actually, we get along very well. He is always gracious and kind to me when I visit. But when my daughter and ex husband get into a disagreement, they are nasty to one another, sometimes in the presence of my grandson. If she starts with me, then he will interject and make her stop. When these two go at each other is when I retreat to my room and wait it out.
    I am very uncomfortable and never know when she's gonna blow.

  8. #57
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    214
    LaHermes....I am sure like most families that receive a visit from DHR, they present themselves very well. The only viable way to know for sure about the screaming, yelling and profanity is to question my grandson. To my knowledge, this has not been done.

  9. #58
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2017
    Location
    Europe
    Posts
    2,065
    Gender
    Female
    I can well imagine they have their best "face" on if a DHR visit is announced. The DHR should visit unannounced, otherwise it is a waste of time.

    It all sounds so outlandish and also very sad.

  10. #59
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    24,932
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Sweet Sue
    They need no invitation to visit. I have an open door policy here. They don't visit often because she doesn't like to drive long distance. She also knows her father can't care for the animals and she will not put them in a kennel.
    My boyfriend takes me to see my daughter and books a room, reminding me to call if things go bad. He spends his time hiking and biking on the mountain. It is something he would much rather do than hang around the house with my family, and they understand. However, knowing how unstable she is, I usually stay with her in order to spend more time with her and the grands. I don't care to see my ex husband, but I can't avoid it. He lives there and works from home. Actually, we get along very well. He is always gracious and kind to me when I visit. But when my daughter and ex husband get into a disagreement, they are nasty to one another, sometimes in the presence of my grandson. If she starts with me, then he will interject and make her stop. When these two go at each other is when I retreat to my room and wait it out.
    I am very uncomfortable and never know when she's gonna blow.
    Wait a second....hotels are two expensive but your boyfriend books a room nearby and does his own thing and is on standy as your rescue committee. What's wrong with you? The hotel is already being paid for - split it with your boyfriend and stay together. Go hiking together and meet you daughter and the kids for dinner or meet them at the park or zoo. That is called setting boundaries. I had ex in laws that were perfectly lovely if you met them somewhere, had a n outing that had a time limit, etc, especially if there was a buffer person - someone new, a relative they liked, etc, a friend. What could not be handled would be a visit to a house with no exact timeframe. It would be heck breaking loose. See your daughter on her better behavior by setting a boundary like this. Otherwise you will be back here crabbing about them after the next visit.

    And open door policies are awkward. You have to invite someone over. Otherwise they are imposing. No one wants to just drop in. What kind of pets? Could you tolerare a dog for a couple days so she can visit OR what about just picking up the older grandkid for a few days and just having the grandkid or grandkids so she can have a break?

  11. #60
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    24,932
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Sweet Sue
    LaHermes....I am sure like most families that receive a visit from DHR, they present themselves very well. The only viable way to know for sure about the screaming, yelling and profanity is to question my grandson. To my knowledge, this has not been done.

    They are looking to see if the child appears nourished, there are no physical signs of abuse, etc. No one's house has to pass the white glove test. Are adults home when the child is home? They don't take away a kid because their mother yells sometimes. Otherwise, every family would have their children taken away. It has to be more severe than two adults sometimes yelling at eachother. Social services is not there to enforce your ideas about parenting

Page 6 of 7 FirstFirst ... 34567 LastLast

Videos


Divorced Parents Prefer Technology and Social Media As Communication Tool

Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems

Friendship Between Men and Women Often Involves Attraction

Infidelity
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •