Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 17

Thread: Getting back with the mother of my children after being incarcerated.

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Jul 2020
    Posts
    3

    Getting back with the mother of my children after being incarcerated.

    The mother of my 5 children and I had been together for 8 years before I was sentenced to 7 years in prison for things I did when I was younger(before I met her). She remained strong for the first 3 years, coming to see me every weekend and talking on the phone as much as possible. Then I was moved to a prison far from home and I eventually stopped recieving visits. After 2 years of only phone calls and letters she left me. But I remained in contact with my children by calling once a week.We had been broke up for 7 months when I was finally put in a workrelease program/ halfway house a month ago. After only a week of being here and being able to contact her on the phone she left her boyfriend of 2 months to get back with me. Everything was great for a couple of days. We facetimed and talked day and night. But then she called one day to say she couldn't do it.... Well she got back with the other guy for like 3 weeks and now they broke up again. We still talk but as friends. I get released in mid-september. And I just want my family back.
    She says there is no chance of us getting back together, so when we talk I try not to mention it. I do occasionally flirt with her but she has her guard up. She is beginning to lighten up but she is convinced that we will never get back together.
    The fact that she was with another man after me being her one and only does bother me. But I understand that she has also been thru alot while I've been in prison. And she did wait 5 years before deciding to leave.... What can I do and say to get the love of my life and mother of my 5 children back?

    .... I know that you might be curious as to why I was sentenced to 7 years in prison. Well before I met the mother of my children I was involved with gangs. I got into the gang life at a real young age (14 yrs old). I moved to a different state to get away from the gang and that's when I met the mother of my children. Tho I still had gang tattoos, I was no longer living the gang life. Years later my name comes up in a Rico investigation and I was arrested. After 10 months in the county jail the mother of my children managed to get my bond reduced from 500,000. to 30,000. And she bonded me out. I fought the case for 2 years and took it to trial. The mother of my children stood by my side thru the whole process. We felt like I was innocent, I had changed my life and I was now a father of 5 and a family man. Well I was found NOT guilty for count 1 Rico, but found guilty for count 2 conspiracy to commit Rico. My attorney said i was basically guilty by association because my family are involved with the gang. My younger brother was also convicted then later killed in prison....

    Now I just want to put this all behind me and live a normal life. I want my life back. And am willing to change and do whatever is necessary to get my family back. Your advice and help concerning my situation will be greatly appreciated.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    39,613
    Gender
    Male
    It may be best to focus on being the best dad you can be rather than attempting to rekindle the romance, until you are more settled and stable.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    22,922
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    It may be best to focus on being the best dad you can be rather than attempting to rekindle the romance, until you are more settled and stable.
    I agree. You should be focusing on getting yourself to a more stable place, and work on a relationship with your kids.

  4. #4
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Posts
    66
    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    I agree. You should be focusing on getting yourself to a more stable place, and work on a relationship with your kids.
    Do this, good job, good dad...be cool...she'll show up....don't be the chaser

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    3,735
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Inca14
    She says there is no chance of us getting back together, so when we talk I try not to mention it. I do occasionally flirt with her but she has her guard up. She is beginning to lighten up but she is convinced that we will never get back together.
    The fact that she was with another man after me being her one and only does bother me. But I understand that she has also been thru alot while I've been in prison. And she did wait 5 years before deciding to leave.... What can I do and say to get the love of my life and mother of my 5 children back?
    I'm sorry about the loss of your brother, first of all. How is your family coping? Do you have other family members or are you disconnected or advised not to communicate with them due to the case or issues involving the case?

    She has to lighten up for herself and the kids. No one can sustain doom and gloom forever. If you do care about her, her best interests and the best interests of your children should be in your top priorities. I don't doubt for a second that she still cares for you but misinterpreting that care may end up hurting you in the end. Both of you share five beautiful children so keep them in your list of priorities and ensure that they're happy. You have a second chance at reconnecting with your kids and making sure that they have a father who is interested in their lives.

    Among those top priorities would also be to do well in your work release program and figure out when you can move back into society. How long does this work release program last for and how long do you have to stay in the halfway house?

    You aren't going to get your old life back. Be real and honest with yourself there. A lot of time has passed and while you were in prison, your partner aged and found solace in other relationships. She grew emotionally without you. Your kids have grown older also and haven't had a father with them. Getting to know your family again and the new people that they have grown into will be a great feat.

    If you can focus on them as people and focus less on what you want out of them, I think this may make this transition period go a little smoother for you. Your past life is not going to snap back to you like a rubberband, unfortunately. Too much time has passed.

    Mourn, grieve, yes, do look for a counselor or someone you can speak with. Find resources to help you adapt to new life outside of prison. You're going to experience a lot of change. Don't keep it inside you and let your resentments and frustrations brew or turn back to gang life. This time has to be different if you want to be there for your kids. All the old patterns and ways of doing things of thinking of things have to change.
    Last edited by Rose Mosse; 07-10-2020 at 12:42 PM.

  7. #6
    Itís interesting that you only refer to her as the mother of your children. It seems like she viewed you as a partner during the first half of your time served. Did you see her in the same light or only as your childrensí mother?

    As others have mentioned, your first priority is rebuilding a solid connection with your children. The mother sounds like she is in not in a stable state of mind right now. Getting involved would likely result in her going between you and her boyfriend. Thatís definitely not what you need when trying to get your life back in order.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    2,395
    I'm sorry for your tremendous loss, Inca14.

    I agree with others. Concentrate on being a great father. You can pray that the mother of your children will take you back into her life and it's all you can do. You can't force her to love you and live with you. Give her lots of time to think for herself and if she continues to decide that you two are no longer a couple, then be gracious, back off and co-parent. In the meantime, get your life together, work hard and stay focused on living a normal, hard working life.

    As for changes, changes are something you do quietly because it's the right thing to do. It's not about proving to the mother of your children that you are a good man. Being a good man is something you do for yourself. Whether it's the mother of your children or anyone, she or anyone will observe that you are putting forth the sincere effort to be a decent human being. No words are necessary. Actions speak louder than words.

    Remain humble, work hard, keep your language clean for life, set a fine example to your children, co-parent, be an amazing father and this is how you will live a good life. This is how you can look at yourself in the mirror everyday knowing in your heart that you're doing the right thing. All the best to you.

  9. #8

    Join Date
    Jul 2020
    Posts
    3
    Yes. Thank you. I will focus on getting settled and stable before trying to fix our relationship. In the meantime I will continue to be a friend.

  10. #9

    Join Date
    Jul 2020
    Posts
    3
    My family is still hurting over the lost of my brother. But they are doing a little better. I occasionally hurt also, but I try to stay positive. I will be released in September and I know I will not be able to get my life back. But just as she's grown I've grown also and I believe that things can be better than before. I will concentrate on having a successful reentry into society. And pray that everything works out the way I hope it does. Thank you

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    N/A
    Posts
    2,828
    Originally Posted by Inca14
    My family is still hurting over the lost of my brother. But they are doing a little better. I occasionally hurt also, but I try to stay positive. I will be released in September and I know I will not be able to get my life back. But just as she's grown I've grown also and I believe that things can be better than before. I will concentrate on having a successful reentry into society. And pray that everything works out the way I hope it does. Thank you
    Reading your story and what you've been through. wow. I'm sorry about your brother. That is heart breaking.

    Best thing you can do now is focus on yourself, the kids and having a healthy co-parenting relationship with their mom.

    I would try to remember you all have been through a lot. And now, you all deserve some peace and happiness. whatever that is. you know what I mean?

    Happiness has to be a choice. To wake up and see the day as a gift and just be open to receiving, while giving your best, to get your life on track, in a stable way, that makes it possible for your kids and love to thrive.

    Maybe it will come around again for you and this woman. Maybe you'll just be two people who share children and a deep affection for one another. That's the best case scenerios...

    I know one sounds much better than the other. but you just don't know. what and who waits for you in the future. Maybe you will find love with someone else.

    Don't hold yourself back by holding on to the past. you've both changed and you just have no way of knowing what or how this will all go. stay positive and keep on keeping on, as I like to say.

    wishing you the best!

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Videos


Divorced Parents Prefer Technology and Social Media As Communication Tool

Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems

Friendship Between Men and Women Often Involves Attraction

Infidelity
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •