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Thread: Getting back with the mother of my children after being incarcerated.

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Inca14
    My family is still hurting over the lost of my brother. But they are doing a little better. I occasionally hurt also, but I try to stay positive. I will be released in September and I know I will not be able to get my life back. But just as she's grown I've grown also and I believe that things can be better than before. I will concentrate on having a successful reentry into society. And pray that everything works out the way I hope it does. Thank you
    You are doing the right thing. You've grown up a lot and had time to think long and hard regarding how you want to be for the rest of your life. This is your second chance. Count your blessings. You're not like the other guys whom you left. You will be free and this is your time to start anew.

    You are intelligent, you'll get settled and lead a stable, honorable life. It will be an honest living. I agree, in the meantime, co-parent and be a friend. Keep in mind though, follow her lead. If she wants a friend, be a friend. If she doesn't want a friend, follow her cue, back off, continue to remain respectful, give her space and concentrate on being an amazing father.

    I'm sorry for your and your family's pain. In his loving memory, you will become your own honorable, very decent man. This will be your healing process. You and her have matured and you are right, concentrate and stay focused on your reentry to society. Prayers will give you strength and wisdom. Best to you, Inca14.

  2. #12
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    You mention you were found guilty because of family association.
    Were you guilty? Or were your family?
    You seem to be still in touch with your family?

    I get that you left the gang , did your family also?

    When you are released , will you return to family?

    The reasons Iím asking are because it seems like you want to return to the fresh start you made years ago , but thatís not an option.

    Itís very sad that you were involved in a gang at 14yrs of age , but great that as an adult you escaped it. However , you were clearly tried as an adult. And for that you need to accept , but your post suggests you believe you were innocent?

    Upon your release , if you go back to family , I fear that you will downward spiral?

    What are your options?

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Besides the good advice of the other posters, I'd say that after you establish your own life on the outside, and get into a nice rhythm of co-parenting, if you two decide to reestablish a romance, act as though you're newly dating. Don't move in together right away. See each other a few times a week as a couple. And just as you should with a new partner, don't make any major decisions like moving in together until you've been together at least a year. This will give you both time to make sure the new sparks don't fade and can deepen into a more serious stage. Too much too soon, going from never being together to too much togetherness, would be the worst move you could make. Good luck on the next chapter of your life!

  4. #14
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    I would rewire my vocabulary and my brain away from the idea of trying to 'get' the woman back.

    She needs to voluntarily want to come back, and the only way for both of you to trust such an outcome is if it comes strictly from HER, and without any manipulation or influence from you.

    Otherwise, what's to trust?

    I'd refocus on surprising everyone, including myself, with my resilience and my ability to bounce back from this to create a stable and wonderful life for myself. From there, you can extend this to your children. Whether it will eventually inspire your ex, that's got to come from her.

    Head high, and take baby steps.

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  6. #15
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    You aren't the person you were when you met and had kids.
    the best thing you can do is to prove to your kids you are a good dad.
    Find work to support them, find one of those programs that fund the removal of gang tattoos.
    you have a chance to start over.
    You may never get her back. You might, who knows.
    But your priority is your kids and becoming a productive member of society again.
    Do not blame anyone else for your past actions, and move forward.
    Get a certification or try to be accepted to an apprenticeship in a trade - anything to improve

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by CelestialSky
    Itís interesting that you only refer to her as the mother of your children..

    Exactly. She is not referred to as your wife, ex wife, girlfriend, ex girlfriend, love of your life, only baby mama.... so.....how do you turn that around? Not to say you are guaranteed to get her back, but how do you change your mindset about her respectfully in seeing her as your ex-love, etc vs just a baby mama?

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Inca14
    My family is still hurting over the lost of my brother. But they are doing a little better. I occasionally hurt also, but I try to stay positive. I will be released in September and I know I will not be able to get my life back. But just as she's grown I've grown also and I believe that things can be better than before. I will concentrate on having a successful reentry into society. And pray that everything works out the way I hope it does. Thank you
    Good for you. You seem like a very respectful person. The way I read you speaking about her as the mother of your children is a form of respect especially in cultures where family is everything. Keep things as respectful and civil between her and you for the sake of your kids. Stay focused on September and beyond. I don't know what any implications are with your family and what sources of support you have outside of family but keep things clean and on the straight and narrow.

    You should stay cautious and guarded once you're released. Start speaking now with counselors for other resources for help and support even after September. Don't relapse into the things that got you locked up in the first place or start mixing with the wrong crowd. Wishing you all the best.

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