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Thread: Long-distance relationship and watching porn

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by Tinydance
    Well you are very right in saying that if he was already following all these pornstars before he even met you, then he didn't even do anything wrong. He just didn't unfollow them. Also I don't mean to be rude but are you guys actually in a real relationship? You met in person only once, you hardly know this guy. Talking on the phone and text doesn't allow you to truly know the person at all. Are you saying you are exclusive after meeting only one time? It sounds to me like you're expecting too much from him and expecting a serious relationship after meeting once. And trying to police his social media after meeting only once. It's totally up to you if you want to continue dating him or not because he follows these pornstars and models.

    If it was me personally I wouldn't care. But you are allowed to mind it if that's how you feel. I wouldn't mind it if he just looked at those women's pictures and masturbated to them. I watch porn myself and I also follow hot models on Instagram, both male and female (I'm bisexual). I'm very chilled about this but I guess as long as my partner didn't actually cheat on me. E.g. had real sex or cyber sex, cam sex with these people. I also know that if they are celebrities then it's not like my partner would have a chance with them. Most likely he would only be looking at their photos. Again up to you what you think, personally it wouldn't bother me.

    Also in long distance you can still do sexual things on web cam or at least sending sexy messages to each other. If you've been in this relationship long then you can still do those things. You don't have to have sex with him if you don't want to but you also have to realise that people do have a sex drive and need some release. I know you don't know if he's actually chatting with any of these women. You can ask him if you want to know and see what he says.
    I do agree with the sex drive part and I feel it too. He did mention to me once that he would like to see “pics” from me but only if I was comfortable. I don’t mind it but I just need to find a creative way of doing it. I can’t see myself just clicking away nudes on my phone and sending it to him. I did send him one picture one time that wasn’t over the top provocative but still game him something to see. I didn’t get the reaction I’d hoped for but I left it at that. I never did it again nor did he ever ask. He did tell me once though that he is tired of masturbating and wish were together so we could have some real physical intimacy. That is why deep within I feel like I am expecting too much of him especially when being apart.
    Yes, we are exclusive after meeting once because it was the kind of situation where we felt an instant connection and had a really good time together. He came to my city to see me and we stayed together at my place for 4 days. I had kept an open mind to allow things to flow naturally without expecting much but apart from a few mins of awkwardness when I first saw him it was a smooth ride. Looking back we still talk about all those moments and look forward to being together soon. I know all this sounds too good to be true but after going on several dates and interacting with a lot of men i felt like I finally found what I was looking for. Only time was to tell if it would lead to what we were both looking for. Now we have to wait to find out until we get to meet again. Hopefully I will be able to give him the benefit of doubt and not let it ruin our trust solely based on his online activity. Sometimes I wish I hadn’t snooped in on his follower list at all. That’s when the speculative began. Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Don't send nudes to someone you only met once. It may be best to cut your losses and date locally. It sounds like he is not attracted to you sexually.

  3. #23
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    Do you realise that paedophiles appear to be upstanding pillars of the community ? And maintain that for decades until revealed?

    And here you are claiming this guy is great when you have only physically met him once?

    He couldn’t get physically aroused by you , because ultimately you are not what he is into.

    I’m not saying he is a paedo, I’m saying he is something other than what you think he is.

    Of course cheap and nasty instagram “models” follow their followers. It creates more exposure for them.
    But no , they are NOT interested in your “guy” , not even they would be bothered with him.

    So why are you?
    You are not the only person he is “chatting” to.
    I hope you realise this!?

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Sometimes I wish I hadn’t snooped in on his follower list at all This is very telling of you. You're making excuses for his behavior, i.e. He's without a woman right now so he has to get his fix somewhere, blah, blah, blah. You'd rather overlook a dealbreaker because of what you see as some good traits. You'd rather have the wool pulled over your eyes so you can live in a fantasy world.

    When the only way you'll be happy if a major change is made in a relationship, it's not the right relationship for you. You're naive if you think he's going to change what is probably a long ingrained habit, years in the making. It's okay to address minor flaws at any stage of a relationship, but if you're wanting to address major flaws at the very beginning of a relationship, it's smarter to just walk away. There are people who exist who don't possess dealbreakers and who will share your dating goals. The trick to find them is to cut the losers loose ASAP so you're free to find a winner.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I didn’t get the reaction I’d hoped for but I left it at that.
    I think you're in for much more of this kind of behavior.
    This guy is way into porn and porn stars. He is addicted. That means, he won't be satisfied with just you. The picture you sent him, probably seemed lame to him. This guy is used to some very raunchy stuff. He has seen it thousands of times with thousands of women, all sorts of body parts, positions, you name it.

    When it comes to you sending him pictures, the ones you take won't equal the porn stars (at least not in his mind). I would also be very concerned if I were you with him being unable to stay erect on one of the first times you attempted sex.
    That is a very big indication of porn addiction. A woman in real life, won't get him going like a porno, or like the hundreds of pictures. Him going soft, could have very well meant that he wasn't getting enough stimulation to remain turned on.

    I know you want this guy to be someone else. You want him to be your knight in shining armour but I think you should really consider the fact that under his nice guy exterior, he could well be a sex addict or porn addict who will never be satisfied with just one woman. In fact, your sex life together will dwindle out very quickly and he will return to porn, whether it be in the bathroom alone or elsewhere.
    He will prefer what he's addicted to.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I might have the opinion that the way he's behaving only has to do with the fact that he's been alone for so long and needs or needed stimulation, etc.

    But I am seeing deeper issues here with him not being too reactive to the pics you sent and him going soft on first attempts at sex.

    Something definitely more going on here.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately, you really don't know him very well after talking 8 mos and one visit. It may be best to stop investing this much or planning out a future.
    Originally Posted by Mnmny
    He came to my city to see me and we stayed together at my place for 4 days. I had kept an open mind to allow things to flow naturally without expecting much but apart from a few mins of awkwardness when I first saw him it was a smooth ride. Looking back we still talk about all those moments and look forward to being together soon.

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by Mnmny
    I get what you guys are saying and I agree with the part that this behavior might not change. It’s a bit confusing to me as he is a completely different guy in person
    But this is the very heart of the problem - you don't really know what sort of person he is yet. 4 days together in real life is nowhere near enough to make an informed guess.

    What you are seeing with his internet activity is part of him. He is the kind of guy who ogles other women on social media and likes to look at porn stars. Your anxiety is sky-high not because you're over-thinking, but because you're realizing he's not quite who you thought and it's disappointing. You're still learning about who this man is and you're starting to discover certain things you don't like. That's normal in dating, but the problem you two created for yourselves is that you committed to each other before really understanding who you are committing to.

    You bought the house before having a good look around inside and shining lights into dim corners and checking the foundations, to put in another way. You've just found that there are some spiders in one of those corners, dressed up like porn stars. Turns out the guy you bought the house with likes those spiders and in fact invites more spiders into the house. Not focusing on the spiders doesn't make the spiders go away, OP.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Your anxiety is sky-high not because you're over-thinking, but because you're realizing he's not quite who you thought and it's disappointing.
    Yes, don't diminish your own feelings or tell yourself that having "gut feelings" or being cautious, is bad. It's the only protection you have against getting involved with someone who might not be as they first seemed.
    Your mind is trying to tell you something. These things are real, and could mean quite serious problems. It's not made up and it's not wasteful considerations.

    He does sound like he has more issues with sex and porn then he is admitting to.

  11. #30
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    LDR's are 80% fantasy, 10% reality and 10% unknown. You are chasing a high. Whatever you have painted this guy is with your imagination, we are seeing it differently. We see more of the truth because we are not emotionally invested. Your gut is telling you something but you want to deny what you are feeling. You then come here hoping someone will tell you everything is ok and nothing to worry about. Nah, My advice still stands.

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