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Thread: How long should I wait to see what happens?

  1. #1
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    How long should I wait to see what happens?

    Before lockdown I’d started dating a doctor who then became a Covid doctor. He said he wanted to stay in touch during the pandemic, but couldn’t date. So we did. Last week he contacted me to say he’d got a change of job lined up for August, so we chatted all week, then we met up and I stayed the night at his last weekend.

    Since then, he’s gone back to maintaining the contact we had during the whole pandemic - one text per day in the evening. I thought after last week we were moving forward so have been a bit disappointed that contact has dropped back down.

    I don’t want to seem unreasonable as he’s obviously been so stressed with the pandemic, but how do I know when is the best time to ask him if he sees himself dating me properly again soon? I don’t want to push him away by putting pressure on him if he’s overwhelmed, but I also don’t want to be hanging around waiting for someone for months on end if it turns out they never wanted anything more with me in the long run!

    We have a really great time together in person, and I’d really like to get to know him more, but I can’t keep waiting for someone to find a free evening forever?!

  2. #2
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    That’s so funny!!!

    Doctors don’t become “covid” Doctors lol They are simply in the role they were in pre covid but wear ppe. He dramatised things . The only thing he would have been unsure of is shift changes etc.

    Doctors are not frontline either.

    He is not overwhelmed at all! He is still a “covid” Dr whatever that means, hooked up despite his earlier claims that he couldn’t , which clearly suggests his lack of interest surely??!

    He is a bit of an idiot who thinks you will assume he is smarter than you.

    Is he???

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately it still seems like he only wants the occasional hookup but not a relationship.

  4. #4
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    So you really haven't been on a proper date yet since he told you he couldn't date-you went to his place and had sex. How long were you dating before the pandemic? Were you exclusive? I don't think there's anything to wait for -if he asks you out in the future you'll decide then. Meanwhile I would tell him politely "I really enjoy texting with you and I'm a bit too busy these days for a text buddy'. If you really can't resist the urge, add the sentence "so if you want to meet for a meal or a walk [or insert another outside activity] let me know and if I am free we'll make a plan!"

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    I once dated a guy who worked 12 hour days and half a day on Saturday. So of course on Sunday he wouldn't wake up until 2 p.m. and then often had a headache. Yes, we rarely shared any quality leisure time together.

    It's best to look at the present and make your decision based on that, instead of hoping things will change in the future.

    Of course it's much more enjoyable to have a companion you can regularly get together with. You barely know this guy so he's not worth putting yourself on ice for. I'd tell him you're looking for someone you can get together with 2 or 3 times a week, so this isn't working for you.

    Take care.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    My suggestion is don't behave like you are in a committed relationship when you aren't even dating. He pings you once an evening, chatted you up a bit so you went over and slept with him and now back to keeping you on the hook with minimal effort. You and how many others comes to mind.....

    Anyway, do start talking and dating others and if this one gets real and offers actual dating at some point, you can decide then if that's what you want. If he doesn't, oh well...you'll probably meet someone who is present and wants to actually date you soon enough so this whole thing can fade right out. In short, don't put your entire focus on a nonexistent relationship and don't put your life on hold waiting for anyone to come around.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    I am not sure how this will work out other than to wait and see... The problem is, imo.... You don't have regular conversations. Just quick text. So it's hard to find a moment to talk without making it a big deal. As others said, start dating around. And use this as a lesson to not give a relationship to someone you're not in one with. If you want a relationship you need to hold the boundary, until you're in one.

    Also pay attention to signs such as "I'm too busy". An interested person makes time. Granted a lockdown is a special case. Unfortunately, I think you are being played. The only way to reset that is to flip the script and be willing to walk away.

    Next time he texts you, don't jump. When you get the opportunity to express yourself, let him know you expected different and while that is your own fault, you're not interested in what is actually happening... Aka casual sex. Sorry you have him that impression.

    It's important to note, a person is not a jerk for engaging in casual sex with you and not being your boyfriend, when you were a willing participant. So you really should not be mad at him. But you do have every right to let him know... Oops my bad and I'm out. Be mature, express yourself and be confident you will find better.

    He may say, yeah it was just casual and it's over. He may surprise you. Be fine either way because continually accepting what you don't want is not how to get what you do want.

  9. #8
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    Agree with Lambert except I don't think she is being played at all. I do think if she "waits" she is playing herself.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    It appears like the one text per evening isn't enough for you. Have you clarified that you're looking for a serious relationship? You may come off as easy or always available.

    If you don't want overnighters or flybys just don't agree to doing that sort of thing. See whether you can meet up again in person and tell him what you're looking for. See what he says.

  11. #10
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    Well you actually don't have to be "waiting" for him per se. You haven't really dated him so you're not together. If you want to continue talking to him then by all means you can do that. But you can also talk to other guys on online dating and keep your options open. Try not to get attached to this guy. He may or may not want to have a date with you later. But he also can't really know for sure if he wants to seriously date you because he's met you only minimally. So you can continue chatting to him but don't take it too seriously.

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