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Girlfriend breaks up with me as I’m getting job offers in her city, what to do?


Balkan

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Long story short, me and my girlfriend met while we were abroad. We were from different schools but at the same exchange program, she’s from TX I’m from NY. At the end of the exchange, we decided we were too good for each other to just give up going back home, so we decided to do LDR. It was going perfectly. We would see each other 1-2 long weekends a month so we were lucky, we’ve been doing LDR since Aug, til now. In may we both just graduated from college, as we were in our senior years upon return. We had zero major problems ( asides from the occasional boredom and frustration here and there LDR brings) and we would always talk about ending up in the same city. However because of covid we haven’t been able to see each other since March and that has taken an effect.

 

All of a sudden, after almost 2 years, she brings up that she doesn’t see a future with me. She loves me, doesn’t want me out her life, but just has a random feeling and she doesn’t understand why that she can’t see us together in the future. And it’s hard because if she doesn’t even know what it is, then neither of us can do much. She just says she needs time and space to figure out what she wants, and she doesn’t exepecf me to be waiting around for her.

 

I was heartbroken and pleased we can get through this together, but she said she needs to be alone. We’d allow one of us to do things, give each other space etc. All her friends and family have told her that she'll never find someone that loves her and cares for her more than me and she should think this through. And whenever we were together in person, we were as happiest as could be. There'd be times where she'd lay down next to me and say our relationship is so perfect that we couldn't have sex and it'd still be just as perfect. She has a long history of getting in her head and thinking about the worst-case scenarios about everything, that there's always a problem with something even when there's not. She always tells me how crazy she is and says "if I was you I'd of broken up with me along time ago." But I tell her well that just shows how much I love you. I personally think this is the result of her being in her head and just overthinking/getting anxious. We haven't seen each other in 4 months, obviously lots of issues will come of that, longest we've ever gone was a month. I 100% feel if we just see each other in person, we'd feel so much again. But maybe that’s just being optimistic. I know our spark disconnected during this time and she’d always always say how she wants to fight for us, but now all of a sudden, it’s gone.

 

 

My problem is, when we were still together, we would always talk about finally ending up in the same city after college, and it always made more sense for me to come to her city. So when we were still together I would apply for jobs in her city, but also all over the world. Right after she broke up with me, I received interviews for the first time from any of the jobs I applied to, and of course they were only in her city. I feel like the universe is trying to bring us together. We talked for the first time in a month and we were happy, loving, joking, smiling etc. She told me she doesn't see us getting back together now, even if I come there. But we still don't want each other out of our lives, she still says how much she loves and cares for me and I do too. She suggested to just be friends for now, and I initially refused, but when we talked I accepted. Because during this pandemic, neither one of us are probably gona have the chance to meet new people, new friends groups etc. I love her friends because they're my friends too and I've talked to them about this, but they have no idea whats going on in her head either. There's no other guy or anything like that. In addition to her always reverting to worst case scenarios in her head, I think she had abandonment issues as well. Her mom had her at 17 and the father ran off and she never met him. Her mother later re married and had another kid but got divorced only a couple years later. So her mom has kind of projected these things onto her growing up.

 

My hope is that this whole thing is because we lost our flame or excitement not seeing each other for so long, and if we remained friends for now, when we first see each other again after this long, and realize how much we love being with each other, it'll flair back up again. Because I know how much she loves us, I know how much we mean to her. I just don't get why she wants to give up out of frustration if she truly thinks these things about us, why would she not see a future with me? She has a stable job, we're both in the same friend group who loves us together, I will have a stable job in her city, it's all aligning perfectly and I don't see how I can move on without her.

 

I was stubborn in the beginning about moving to her city though. I always tried to play it off like it wasn’t my dream or it wasn’t that feasible for my job career and I apologized to her for that. Because she started to think that if I moved down there for her I’d be unhappy in her city, with my job, my life and end up resenting her for doing this for her. So maybe it’ll take me actually taking the job offer in her city and showing her that I’m happy there and have a stable career there and will be happy regardless, but I’m just hoping for anything. If I move there it’ll 100% be for my job and career first and if it’s my best option. But of course if it’s in her city there’s ALWAYS gona be a part of me hoping we work out. But at the same time, a part of me just hopes I get a job in Europe or somewhere so I can just forget about all of this and start a new chapter. She’s the first one to say everything happens for a reason, well, maybe me getting a job in her city is the reason.

 

There was no fundamental issues with our relationship, we didn’t lose our trust, or lie or have a big fight or anything like that. Her major doubts were about where we were gona end up after college, but now that’s fixed, we’re both in the same city if I take this offer. Maybe she was just too deep in the thought process of breaking up and accepting it that she didn’t wana turn back or even knows how she feels yet once I got these offers? I’m just so conflicted on what to do

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I was stubborn in the beginning about moving to her city though. I always tried to play it off like it wasn’t my dream or it wasn’t that feasible for my job career and I apologized to her for that. Because she started to think that if I moved down there for her I’d be unhappy in her city, with my job, my life and end up resenting her for doing this for her. So maybe it’ll take me actually taking the job offer in her city and showing her that I’m happy there and have a stable career there and will be happy regardless, but I’m just hoping for anything. If I move there it’ll 100% be for my job and career first and if it’s my best option.

 

Looks like your game playing didn’t pay off for you?

 

Why on earth would you tell her that moving to her city wasn’t feasible ? And now say that if you moved there it would be 100% for your job and your best option??

 

Don’t dare turn this on her and start surmising that she has abandonment issues!!!

Especially since you claim to have known this and threatened abandonment by not wanting to move to her city. Even though you now admit it’s the best career choice for you? Talk about sticking a knife in and then twisting it!??

 

Do her a favour. If you accept a job in her city , delete her number. And block.

 

She doesn’t need you in her life and actively chose to end it for good reason.

 

Make your career choice but don’t include her friends in it.

They are her friends not yours.

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It hurts, but she knows herself better than you do. She knows she doesn't have the right feelings to continue and it wouldn't be fair to you to keep this going.

 

If you do wind up taking a job in her city, understand that she would just be a friend you know there. Understand that while she might not have another guy in her life right now, she could indeed meet someone else. She's made herself single, and thus open to other options. How will you feel if you go there and come to find out she's started seeing someone else? Would it still be the best choice for you? While it's not impossible that being in the same vicinity could reignite a spark, I also wouldn't rule out the chance that she won't be interested in trying and eventually dates other guys.

 

Despite what she's telling you, this change in feelings likely did not strike randomly. She probably has a clearer understanding of why she feels this way, but is editing details to avoid hurting you further. I personally think that unless this really is the best career choice for you, you would be wise to keep your options open for jobs in other places.

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She's trying to do a slow fade to ensure the least drama. You're grasping for straws, reasoning about why she's doing what she's doing because of her past, how the universe is routing for your relationship, and how her mind might be changed if you move by her.

 

A woman thinks long and hard before ending things, knowing that spells forever.

 

I'd avoid accepting any employment in her area and go no contact for closure. The right person will never dump you. Not even once. Staying friends with an ex will usually drive away any potential future romantic prospects.

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When someone tells you point blank that you should start dating others, that's about as clear as a person can be that they really no longer care about you or what you do or with who.

 

She knows her mind and she knows why she dumped you, she just isn't willing to get into that argument with you. If you behaved with her like you describe, it's no great mystery what her reasons are and no, you can't walk back what you showed her of yourself and your personality. Moving to her city and getting a job won't wipe away how you treated her or who you are.

 

She dumped you because she actually thought it through. You don't even respect her enough to accept her decision gracefully. Your first go to is "how can I manipulate her".....which is exactly why she dumped you in the first place. Oh the irony.....

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No one threatened anything....jeez lol. We were ALREADY an LDR, how is me saying her job market isn’t the best for my career abandonment????? Because it wasn’t...her citys job market is VERY tech and nothing much in my field..we both knew this and knew it’d always be a problem. She knows it’s not my dream city or dream career path to be there, and she didn’t want me to choose her over my career. She was flexible with us choosing a neutral city at first that benefits both of us but then realized she just wants to stay in hers from now. So I tried to make the best of it. No one threatened anything like what are you even saying?

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I was stubborn in the beginning about moving to her city though. I always tried to play it off like it wasn’t my dream or it wasn’t that feasible for my job career and I apologized to her for that. Because she started to think that if I moved down there for her I’d be unhappy in her city, with my job, my life and end up resenting her for doing this for her. So maybe it’ll take me actually taking the job offer in her city and showing her that I’m happy there and have a stable career there and will be happy regardless, but I’m just hoping for anything. If I move there it’ll 100% be for my job and career first and if it’s my best option.

 

Looks like your game playing didn’t pay off for you?

 

Why on earth would you tell her that moving to her city wasn’t feasible ? And now say that if you moved there it would be 100% for your job and your best option??

 

Don’t dare turn this on her and start surmising that she has abandonment issues!!!

Especially since you claim to have known this and threatened abandonment by not wanting to move to her city. Even though you now admit it’s the best career choice for you? Talk about sticking a knife in and then twisting it!??

 

Do her a favour. If you accept a job in her city , delete her number. And block.

 

She doesn’t need you in her life and actively chose to end it for good reason.

 

Make your career choice but don’t include her friends in it.

They are her friends not yours.

 

No one threatened anything....jeez lol. We were ALREADY an LDR, how is me saying her job market isn’t the best for my career abandonment????? Because it wasn’t...her citys job market WASN’T feasible for me ever, it is VERY tech and nothing much in my field..we both knew this and knew it’d always be a problem. She knows it’s not my dream city or dream career path to be there, and she didn’t want me to choose her over my career. She was flexible with us choosing a neutral city at first that benefits both of us but then realized she just wants to stay in hers from now. So I tried to make the best of it. No one threatened anything like what are you even saying?

 

I think you’re completely mis understanding what I said.... her city was NEVER the top city for me and I’ve been applying to jobs in her city for months, never got anything. We both knew wherever I got a job offer I am going to have to take it. You’re acting like I got this offer and I knew I’d get a job there, and told her it’s hard for me to move to her city and I can’t see myself living there...that’s not the case at ALL. Now with the pandemic, and with this being my only concrete offer, yes it is the best offer possible..because it’s the only one I have. But if I got this 2 months ago I would’ve told her I’m so happy because I just got an offer in your city and we can finally start this for real again.

 

It’s the basic fact we both knew how hard her city was for getting me a job and it was never and still will never be my dream job market for my career. But now, I have an offer there and its changed..maybe read the full thing before you state accusing people of things without having the full picture or thinking whatever you want to think

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When someone tells you point blank that you should start dating others, that's about as clear as a person can be that they really no longer care about you or what you do or with who.

 

She knows her mind and she knows why she dumped you, she just isn't willing to get into that argument with you. If you behaved with her like you describe, it's no great mystery what her reasons are and no, you can't walk back what you showed her of yourself and your personality. Moving to her city and getting a job won't wipe away how you treated her or who you are.

 

She dumped you because she actually thought it through. You don't even respect her enough to accept her decision gracefully. Your first go to is "how can I manipulate her".....which is exactly why she dumped you in the first place. Oh the irony.....

 

 

No one ever said to start dating others. All she said was she needed time and space to think what she wants. She doesn’t wana date new people right now. All her friends and family and herself knows I was the best guy to ever and will ever be in her life. I spent thousands to travel to her to keep the LDR stable because she wasn’t allowed to travel to see me, her mom wouldn’t let her. We both treated each other amazingly. Where is the manipulation going on???? She originally told me she’d be ok with moving to a neutral city that benefits both of us because her job market wasn’t the best for either and she knew that, but she decided she wanted this stay where she’s at and I tried to make the best of it.

This relationship was already an LDR and already one sided with me doing all the work to spend the money and come visit her because she couldn’t, which is why I wanted us to agree on a mutual city for both of us. Not have be fo all the work in the LDR then keep doing it by moving to her city that doesn’t benefit me career wise.

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It hurts, but she knows herself better than you do. She knows she doesn't have the right feelings to continue and it wouldn't be fair to you to keep this going.

 

If you do wind up taking a job in her city, understand that she would just be a friend you know there. Understand that while she might not have another guy in her life right now, she could indeed meet someone else. She's made herself single, and thus open to other options. How will you feel if you go there and come to find out she's started seeing someone else? Would it still be the best choice for you? While it's not impossible that being in the same vicinity could reignite a spark, I also wouldn't rule out the chance that she won't be interested in trying and eventually dates other guys.

 

Despite what she's telling you, this change in feelings likely did not strike randomly. She probably has a clearer understanding of why she feels this way, but is editing details to avoid hurting you further. I personally think that unless this really is the best career choice for you, you would be wise to keep your options open for jobs in other places.

 

I agree it didn’t come randomly. She started to feel this way in end of March April before breaking off in may. During this period I was almost depressed because things at home weren’t great. My dad has to shut down his shop and my mom was a nurse in the COVID hotspot and I was just always worrying because money was real tight. And instead of opening up to her about this emotionally, I kind of just kept in my shell to everyone, which was my mistake. I didn’t give her enough attention or attend to her neediness which she is always reminding me she needs from me, and I let it get away from us.

 

She’s not the girl who just dates any guys, she’s 24 and has only dated 3 guys, and during the pandemic, it’s going to be hard for anyone to find anyone new, especially because shes in a hotspot. But that’s the thing she doesn’t even want to, she said she just needs this time to figure out what she wants, not to go date other people. That’s why a part of me feels that if we just reignite what we lost we’d be back and better than before. LDR was hard for us, especially her. She needs that physical attraction and physical connection which is why I’d fly to her once or twice a month to keep it all smooth until we ended up in the same city. But after 4 months of none of that, it’s changed a lot of things

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it always made more sense for me to come to her city. So when we were still together I would apply for jobs in her city, but also all over the world. I always tried to play it off like it wasn’t my dream or it wasn’t that feasible for my job career and I apologized to her for that. Because she started to think that if I moved down there for her I’d be unhappy in her city, with my job, my life and end up resenting her for doing this for her.

 

I couldn't ever picture a long life commitment to a man who's constantly applying elsewhere for work. I'd respect her wishes, and let her go.

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All her friends and family and herself knows I was the best guy to ever and will ever be in her life.

 

It's the story you are telling yourself. In reality, she obviously doesn't feel that way since she dumped you, told you she doesn't see a future with you and told you that she expects you to move on, aka date others. Again, this is her telling you very very clearly that she is done with this. I get that you don't want to accept it, but.....you don't have a choice. Also, what family and friends think is completely irrelevant. The only opinion that matters is hers and she dumped you.

 

 

You invested, you did all the stuff, you spent the money, you did the traveling.......in the future....maybe invest a whole lot less and look for and expect a more reciprocal relationship. When you are pulling the whole cart, you have no idea if she is really there with you or just along for the ride temporarily.

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It's the story you are telling yourself. In reality, she obviously doesn't feel that way since she dumped you, told you she doesn't see a future with you and told you that she expects you to move on, aka date others. Again, this is her telling you very very clearly that she is done with this. I get that you don't want to accept it, but.....you don't have a choice. Also, what family and friends think is completely irrelevant. The only opinion that matters is hers and she dumped you.

 

 

You invested, you did all the stuff, you spent the money, you did the traveling.......in the future....maybe invest a whole lot less and look for and expect a more reciprocal relationship. When you are pulling the whole cart, you have no idea if she is really there with you or just along for the ride temporarily.

 

Again, the words to date others or to move on never came out of either of our mouths. First is that we’re in the middle of a pandemic, where meeting new people really isn’t the best thing to do right now. Secondly, she just said she needs time and space to figure out what she wants, because life is so uncertain right now. We both had different ideas and outlooks on life and trying to see if we can come together in that.

 

She’s never had a relationship where she even brought a guy home before to meet the family, I’m the only one that’s ever met and got engulfed into her family/friend group, which in turn became my friends because we were all so great together. None of what’s happend with us during the pandemic ever came out or ever became noticeable before when we were with each other, and not seeing each other had taken its toll

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"She just says she needs time and space to figure out what she wants, and she doesn’t exepecf me to be waiting around for her."

 

^This is directly from your own post. She may not have used the exact words like "move on" but what's in bold is the soft version of that same message. People who are afraid to lose you will never dump you, take a time out, take a break, or otherwise imply that they expect you to move on, or not wait around for them. She is literally telling you that she is NOT afraid to lose you.

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The issue of her city not being your top choice would be a serious issue for me. It's very negative in the language and conveys that this may be a settling choice for you. There seems to be a lot of underlying resentment. You applied internationally (not just to TX opportunities) and only received an offer in TX? This isn't about the universe bringing the both of you together, I'm afraid. It's about opportunities you feel you weren't able to be a part of and this TX opportunity being lower on the list of wants than others. I'm sure this is not just about you and issues with covid, unemployment rates and decreased hiring have a lot to do with job losses or lack of jobs in 2020.

 

My suggestion to you is to work out your work arrangements and new position in this new city and perhaps adopt more of a open-minded view of what this city has to offer.

 

If moving to this new city just makes you upset and frustrated due to the circumstances, let's review and go over what might be contributing to this.

 

Let's reflect a bit more on the work situation because if we take your ex out of the picture, I'm still not certain you'd be happy with the way things have unfolded. Is there any way for you to put off moving altogether right now and not move just right now? Why move if it's not your first choice and if you feel you'd be happier elsewhere?

 

Your first duty is to yourself and to ensure you're maximizing your potential and happy with your life before trying to incorporate a relationship in there. She's unhappy with the relationship so she's no longer on the same path as you. I agree with the others it's best to respect that and start distancing yourself from the idea that either of you are going to end up having a great time once you land there. The problem is this wasn't your first choice and she knows it. You know it. Find joy in whatever you choose, regardless of what others are doing or whether someone wants to be with you or not. This is truly unfortunate and so painful but it may also be a lesson in being open to new opportunities and not judging too quickly about what your first or second or third choices might be.

 

Be more honest with yourself about what makes you happy in the long run. Maybe this opportunity really isn't for you but you're piling it on the relationship. Time to do some triage and ask yourself if moving there is what you really want without another person in the equation.

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"She just says she needs time and space to figure out what she wants, and she doesn’t exepecf me to be waiting around for her."

 

^This is directly from your own post. She may not have used the exact words like "move on" but what's in bold is the soft version of that same message. People who are afraid to lose you will never dump you, take a time out, take a break, or otherwise imply that they expect you to move on, or not wait around for them. She is literally telling you that she is NOT afraid to lose you.

 

Well then maybe this is why I’m so confused. Because she keeps reiterating saying how much she loves me and doesn’t wana lose me and doesn’t want me out of her life, but at the same time she needs to listen to this feeling she has and see what happens from it. Saying this obviously isn’t a close the door and move on kind of thing. So when she says these things what else am I supposed to think?

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she said she just needs this time to figure out what she wants, not to go date other people

 

And she also said this: "She told me she doesn't see us getting back together now, even if I come there." She doesn't need to say she wants to date other people. It's generally implied when someone breaks up with you that someday, at some point, they will date other people. Most dumpers don't feel the need to come and say that, because it's not necessary and it's hurtful to their ex. But, you have be realistic that she's not going to put herself on hold indefinitely either. She might not jump into something immediately but she she is inherently opening herself up to other guys by ending the relationship with you.

 

I agree that the pandemic makes it harder to meet people, but it also doesn't mean that people aren't doing it, whether strictly virtually or recklessly meeting in person. It is happening. Again, we have no idea if anyone else is on her radar but someday restrictions will be lifted or people will get restless and start violating protocol. (I live in a country that was initially one of the worst-affected, and on a long nation-wide, strict lockdown. Believe me when I say people can and will eventually get tired of not socializing and look for ways to skirt authorities, even those who you would not expect it from.)

 

The other issue with her reasoning, which I think she's saying to soften the blow for you, is that people in LDR generally already have plenty of time and space to themselves. When they're telling you they need even more, it's merely a more delicate delivery method for the same message: they want out.

 

I don't mean to rain on your parade. You seem like an okay dude who's hurting and holding on to hope. It takes a while to process, but I would try to come to terms with the fact that this is probably over and not plan on moving to where she is.

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Well then maybe this is why I’m so confused. Because she keeps reiterating saying how much she loves me and doesn’t wana lose me and doesn’t want me out of her life, but at the same time she needs to listen to this feeling she has and see what happens from it. Saying this obviously isn’t a close the door and move on kind of thing. So when she says these things what else am I supposed to think?

 

A lot of dumpers say these things unfortunately, and it's usually, A) to soothe their own guilt for hurting their ex, or B) because they genuinely are fine with being friends since they don't have the same romantic interest any longer

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Well then maybe this is why I’m so confused. Because she keeps reiterating saying how much she loves me and doesn’t wana lose me and doesn’t want me out of her life, but at the same time she needs to listen to this feeling she has and see what happens from it. Saying this obviously isn’t a close the door and move on kind of thing. So when she says these things what else am I supposed to think?

 

Stop listening to what she is saying and pay attention to what she is doing. She broke up with you, taking a break, whatever. Someone so in love won't walk away from you. It's really that simple at its core. All this talk is basically stringing you along and that's not love, not even nice, rather selfish and cruel.

 

On/off relationships are broken relationships. Think on it this way - suppose you get what you want and she comes back. Can you trust her not to randomly dump you again because of some unidentified feeling? Will you always be a bit wary going forward that at any given moment she can flip on you again and walk away from the relationship? Break ups or even just breaks create toxicity because they break trust between people and a relationship without trust is worth nothing.

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Did you tell her about these upcoming interviews before she ended things?

Right after she broke up with me, I received interviews for the first time from any of the jobs I applied to, and of course they were only in her city. She told me she doesn't see us getting back together now, even if I come there.
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And she also said this: "She told me she doesn't see us getting back together now, even if I come there." She doesn't need to say she wants to date other people. It's generally implied when someone breaks up with you that someday, at some point, they will date other people. Most dumpers don't feel the need to come and say that, because it's not necessary and it's hurtful to their ex. But, you have be realistic that she's not going to put herself on hold indefinitely either. She might not jump into something immediately but she she is inherently opening herself up to other guys by ending the relationship with you.

 

I agree that the pandemic makes it harder to meet people, but it also doesn't mean that people aren't doing it, whether strictly virtually or recklessly meeting in person. It is happening. Again, we have no idea if anyone else is on her radar but someday restrictions will be lifted or people will get restless and start violating protocol. (I live in a country that was initially one of the worst-affected, and on a long nation-wide, strict lockdown. Believe me when I say people can and will eventually get tired of not socializing and look for ways to skirt authorities, even those who you would not expect it from.)

 

The other issue with her reasoning, which I think she's saying to soften the blow for you, is that people in LDR generally already have plenty of time and space to themselves. When they're telling you they need even more, it's merely a more delicate delivery method for the same message: they want out.

 

I don't mean to rain on your parade. You seem like an okay dude who's hurting and holding on to hope. It takes a while to process, but I would try to come to terms with the fact that this is probably over and not plan on moving to where she is.

 

I’m not disagreeing with you on a lot of things. But the fact is we didn’t have any major problems until the pandemic hit and we were unable to see each other. Then when we were both locked up with nothing to talk about or do we lost our spark and flare. Then she began to see our relationship was stuck and that’s how it’d stay going forward probably, which wouldn’t be the case. I just wana see with my own eyes how we are in person face to face again and realize what we feel for each other. That’s the hope I’m holding on to because I know it’s there.

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Did you tell her about these upcoming interviews before she ended things?

 

No, they came after she ended things. She knew I was applying to jobs all over the place, and a good amount of those jobs were in her city, which I’ve been doing for months but never got any interviews and it seemed like a lost cause. However the companies didn’t reach out for an interview until after she ended things. I didn’t talk to her for 2-3weeks after she ended it and only told her about it once I got to the final stages and began to realize this could be a real possibility

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Very sorry about that. It's hard to know what she's thinking but something is spooking her...just short of reaching what you hoped was a 2 yr resolution to the distance. It sounds like she doesn't want to hurt you but eventually had to give you this news. What did she think about applying for jobs all over?

No, they came after she ended things. She knew I was applying to jobs all over the place, and a good amount of those jobs were in her city, which I’ve been doing for months but never got any interviews and it seemed like a lost cause.
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The issue of her city not being your top choice would be a serious issue for me. It's very negative in the language and conveys that this may be a settling choice for you. There seems to be a lot of underlying resentment. You applied internationally (not just to TX opportunities) and only received an offer in TX? This isn't about the universe bringing the both of you together, I'm afraid. It's about opportunities you feel you weren't able to be a part of and this TX opportunity being lower on the list of wants than others. I'm sure this is not just about you and issues with covid, unemployment rates and decreased hiring have a lot to do with job losses or lack of jobs in 2020.

 

My suggestion to you is to work out your work arrangements and new position in this new city and perhaps adopt more of a open-minded view of what this city has to offer.

 

If moving to this new city just makes you upset and frustrated due to the circumstances, let's review and go over what might be contributing to this.

 

Let's reflect a bit more on the work situation because if we take your ex out of the picture, I'm still not certain you'd be happy with the way things have unfolded. Is there any way for you to put off moving altogether right now and not move just right now? Why move if it's not your first choice and if you feel you'd be happier elsewhere?

 

Your first duty is to yourself and to ensure you're maximizing your potential and happy with your life before trying to incorporate a relationship in there. She's unhappy with the relationship so she's no longer on the same path as you. I agree with the others it's best to respect that and start distancing yourself from the idea that either of you are going to end up having a great time once you land there. The problem is this wasn't your first choice and she knows it. You know it. Find joy in whatever you choose, regardless of what others are doing or whether someone wants to be with you or not. This is truly unfortunate and so painful but it may also be a lesson in being open to new opportunities and not judging too quickly about what your first or second or third choices might be.

 

Be more honest with yourself about what makes you happy in the long run. Maybe this opportunity really isn't for you but you're piling it on the relationship. Time to do some triage and ask yourself if moving there is what you really want without another person in the equation.

 

It wasn’t the lack of interest in wanting to live with her in her city, it was just the lack of available jobs in my field in her city. I’m in diplomacy and the jobs usually are only in cities like NY, DC, Chicago etc..wasn’t anything in her city pretty much. Which is why we originally talked about moving to a neutral city that’d fit both of us. But she later told me she only sees herself in TX for the time being and doesn’t wana leave. I respected that and said I will apply to any type of job that seems to interest me in her city then, even if it’s not in my field/career path, and that’s what I did and that’s the offer I got.

 

Would I be happy there without me and her being together? Probably not. Because her and her Friends would be the only people I’d know there, and of course with the pandemic, it’s gona be hard to meet and start a new social group wherever I go, so I’d be alone there if we don’t work out, but I’d be alone no matter where I go for the time being anyway. The only friends I’d have in her city would be hers, and I love them and they love me and they’d hang out with me but it’d be strange at the same time I’d assume

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