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Thread: Girlfriend breaks up with me as Im getting job offers in her city, what to do?

  1. #51
    Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2020
    Posts
    19
    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    What this sounds like is that she's been having doubts for a long time, actually.

    And yes, she's tried to overlook them, but it hasn't worked. So here you are today, sadly. In my experience, when you have to work this hard to get someone to stay with you, it doesn't work out in the end. As much as you can't help the strong urge to be with her, she can't help the strong urge to end it.

    I would also be concerned about this neighbour she's talking to. I know it hurts a lot to even consider, but chances are that she wouldn't have mentioned him at all if he were just a random male friend who she had zero interest in. I don't necessarily mean that she has cheated, but I also don't think he's a total non-entity to her at this point, either. She likely wouldn't have phrased it as "talking to" if it weren't something a little more than a friend.

    You, on the other hand, would be wise to stop talking to her for a while. Take some space to yourself now.
    She doesnt only have these doubtful feelings with us though, its her daily life. For example she had this feeling that she knew she was going to get fired from her job, even though there was zero indication of that ever even happening. She stressed her self out for days thinking about being fired telling herself it was gona happen, I would always be for there and comfort her telling her thats not gona happen, and it didnt. Theres lots of examples like these.

    And about the neighbor, were always very open who we talk to, whos in our life etc, her and her roommates were always friends with theit neighbors upstairs, and Im not necessarily worried about that. 100% not a case where she like lost feelings for me and started with him or something, Id be able to tell that

  2. #52
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    10,517
    OP, I am not sure what more to tell you.

    I feel for you, because we can see you want this to work so badly. We can only speak from our own experience; the choice is up to you whether or not to heed any of it. Might we all be wrong? Sure, anything is possible. Might there also be some kernels of truth in the insight we're offering? Sure, that might also be possible, hard as it is to accept.

    All you can do is take her at her word that she doesn't feel she should continue the relationship. Trying to negotiate on her own feelings or argue with her why she shouldn't listen to her own instincts is likely to do more harm than good, though. Just keep that in mind.

  3. #53
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2019
    Posts
    74
    OP, I'm getting the impression that you have already made up your mind on this. That's fine, it's your life and it's ultimately your decision as far as where you end up and what job you take. I'm curious: have you already gotten actual, job offers in Texas? Or are they only invites to interview at this point? If it isn't yet an actual offer, the position isn't exactly "in the bag" just yet. They can still decide to give the position to someone else. So keep that in mind before actually packing your bags and making such a big move.

    If you do have invites to interview and they are on-site, I would advise that you take advantage of this if you are seriously considering the move to Texas. Most companies will cover the cost of travel and hotel stay for their interviewees, it's a good chance to visit the area, explore, and see if you can legitimately see yourself happy living there. It's one thing to envision yourself living in a totally different area of the country, quite another to actually live and experience it. And, while you're in town interviewing, you can contact your ex and ask if she would like to meet with you in-person. If you are curious how an in-person interaction with your ex would turn out, you can find out your answer without actually committing to a job and life in Texas.

    I'll be honest OP, if you are making this big career decision and a big move all while hedging your bets that you and your ex will get back together and live happily ever after, it's very risky. Your ex has already demonstrated that she is overly anxious and that her anxiety causes her to believe that things won't work out and will end in disaster. In your shoes, I would be very hesitant entering back into a relationship with such a person, always wondering when the shoe was going to drop and my partner suddenly decided it wasn't going to work out.

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