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Thread: Confusing first date problem

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    You are not asking her for a second date or even suggesting it, so obviously she thinks you lost interest. 'here's my number, call me' is not asking for a date. Not asking or suggesting a second meeting = low interest. She's not going to chase a guy who won't ask her out again.
    I agree. you are asking her to be a text buddy. If you like her, suggest a date. Suggest a scenario for a second date. I don't know how "open" your state is right now, but an outdoor activity might be a good idea. Also, could her friends have picked her up because they thought she was nuts meeting a dude during the covid thing?

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    It's been several days.

    I'd have called her today on the phone. If you like her and want to see her again I think you need to step it up a little. Don't worry about getting rejected. It happens all the time. Definitely please don't go back to the app. This is confusing.

  3. #23
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    Something I've realised, as a man who's done a fair bit of app dating, is that a great first date doesn't always lead to a second date. Read my journal and count how many times that's happened!

    I'd leave this myself though. She either

    a) rescue texted in spite of the words coming out of her mouth for whatever reason (I'd put money on this personally)
    or
    b) isn't enough of an adult to say 'no thanks, I'm enjoying my evening, you don't need to pick me up'. Like a child being collected by her parents

    Neither is great. I'd guess she's someone with quite a few issues.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by Ian4996
    a) rescue texted in spite of the words coming out of her mouth for whatever reason (I'd put money on this personally)
    or
    b) isn't enough of an adult to say 'no thanks, I'm enjoying my evening, you don't need to pick me up'. Like a child being collected by her parents
    I echo these thoughts, especially part B. Let's say that she was being sincere about how much she enjoyed your company and the date itself - what grown woman can't politely decline her friend's offer to pick her up? It's not cute that her friend was "worried" enough to whisk her away; it's bizarre.

    My guess is that she is the type of woman who doesn't know how to be direct and just say she's going to call it a night when she's not feeling it, so she laces it with pretty words and scurries off.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    The only thing you did wrong was to let the fact she's pretty cloud your mind so that you're ignoring rudeness, childishness, wishy-washy behavior, and lack of effort. There are pretty women out there who are mature, polite, and will put in equal effort with enthusiasm to date you. Keep on fishing so you can find a woman who is worthy of you.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    I echo these thoughts, especially part B. Let's say that she was being sincere about how much she enjoyed your company and the date itself - what grown woman can't politely decline her friend's offer to pick her up? It's not cute that her friend was "worried" enough to whisk her away; it's bizarre.

    My guess is that she is the type of woman who doesn't know how to be direct and just say she's going to call it a night when she's not feeling it, so she laces it with pretty words and scurries off.
    Actually, no woman is going to say the dates sucks or "you are not my type" ON the date because you put yourself in an awkward spot -- your date could get upset. She really wasn't feeling it. It was pleasant but not exciting enough to make her stay

  8. #27
    Platinum Member Realitynut's Avatar
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    I feel like Wiseman said....if a guy just said, here's my number...call me. I wouldn't. Not after one date. I think a guy should be stepping up to the plate and pursuing ME this early in the game. I also, many years ago, had a gf who when she first met her future husband, she said he felt like an old friend she'd known forever. They were older. His wife died. Her divorced. Thru misunderstanding...he asked her out again...she said she couldn't. He took that as not interested. She WAS. Her Mother, who was in her 80's said CALL HIM. She did. Now married many years. The thing is, misunderstandings happen all the time. I have had 2 guys on the dating site say, here's my number. I have never even met them....I don't WANT to talk to them yet. Maybe for text. But they fall by the wayside anyway....so eh.

    Also, if I've had a good date, and the guy doesn't contact me for 3 days, I lose interest too! It does NOT build up interest for me! I WANT to know they are interested, but not be over the top! I've had those too.

    Contact her, and let us know how it goes. She probably had it all set up with the friend to pick me up at such and such a time. Maybe. If I'd had a terrible date, I certainly don't text the guy and say how wonderful it was....just sayin'

  9. #28
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I too wondered if she called a "rescue friend" to come
    That was my first thought too. Girls do this if it's not going as great as they had hoped it would...their friend "suddenly" shows up to get them out of an awkward situation.

    I know you thought it went well, but on her end it might not have been so great.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I hear something like this all the time. ' we had such chemistry'. While that may be true we have to be careful and not project that on the other person's experience. It's easy to think that you couldn't have felt that way unless the other person was meeting you at the same level. We need to remember the other person's experience is totally different than ours.
    I met my (ex) husband on vacation. He gave me his number on a piece of paper and told me to *call him sometime. I have it back and told him I didn't call men, as I was walking away. He chased me down and asked for my number.
    Don't put someone in the position of the pursuer and get disappointed when they don't act on it.
    Come from a place of confidence.

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