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Thread: my wife

  1. #11
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    What I'm struggling with is the unknown. She told me we are getting a divorce once she gets out of rehab.

  2. #12
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    Resentment and anger is normal at this stage of recovery. I too was a dry drunk but since doing the steps and addressing the readobs why i drank, i've been happier.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear that. How long have you been married? Has she ever threatened that before?
    Originally Posted by gigginstick
    What I'm struggling with is the unknown. She told me we are getting a divorce once she gets out of rehab.

  4. #14
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    together for 5vyears, married for 1 as of June 29th, 2020.
    1st time this has been said.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Any particular reason she cites this? Was the rehab voluntary or court ordered? All you can do is hope for the best and prepare for the worst. Get your ducks in a row legally and suggest marriage counselling.
    Originally Posted by gigginstick
    together for 5vyears, married for 1 as of June 29th, 2020.
    1st time this has been said.

  7. #16
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    Voluntary rehab. I feel like she is angry at me or blames me for the reason she drinks. Nothing cited in stone about why, just said we're getting divorced when she gets home.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Here goes, OP. Prepare yourself.

    "6 characteristics and/or dispositions of the "dry drunk" that can hit the recovering alcoholic hard in the honest light of sobriety in addition to putting added strain and pressure on the relationship.

    Keep in mind that your loved one may not know how to handle these realizations, and consequently may use you as a punching bag for their frustration and discontent.

    1) Resentment at a spouse, parent or whoever has "made them" stop drinking.
    2) Annoyed and frustrated with the realization that they can't drink as do most people, ever again.
    3) Realizing that because of their drinking, they may have unrealized goals, dreams and potential.
    4) Having to accept and take responsibility for the wasted years due to drinking, without an excuse or justification.
    5) Anxious about venturing out or challenging themselves for fear of failure. The alcoholic may not have had any normal life experience with failure and success, which in turn would make them stronger and wiser. Instead those years were devoid of dealing with life on life's terms due to the alcoholic addiction.
    6) Jealous of others for their stick-to-itiveness, perseverance and strength. Resenting the family member or friend for their dreams and punishing them by not being supportive, questioning their ability and striving to clip their wings of creativity."


    From an article by Carole Bennett

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Did she always drink heavily? Do you drink? Many sobriety programs suggest getting away from drinking situations and people. Even if it's divorcing. How old is she? Is this her first detox/rehab? People drink because they are alcoholics, so your theory makes no sense.
    Originally Posted by gigginstick
    Voluntary rehab. I feel like she is angry at me or blames me for the reason she drinks. Nothing cited in stone about why, just said we're getting divorced when she gets home.

  10. #19
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    This problem seemingly came out of nowhere I mean the heavy drinking started about a year ago. I am a social drinker, but could easily cut that out. This is her 2nd time to voluntary rehab in 6 months.
    The first time she got out and went straight into quarantine with no AA or outpatient being available to attend in person, even with that stacked against her she made it 120 days sober, before her latest relapse.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to say but divorcing may be a good idea considering the legal and financial consequences of being with a relapsing alcoholic.
    Originally Posted by gigginstick
    This problem seemingly came out of nowhere I mean the heavy drinking started about a year ago.This is her 2nd time to voluntary rehab in 6 months.

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