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Thread: Really Dislike Mother in Law

  1. #1
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    Really Dislike Mother in Law

    Hi All, thanks for reading.
    I have been with my girlfriend for 4 years. We are engaged to be married next year and have just bought our dream house together.
    I get on ok with her mother but i am struggling to hide how much i dislike her from my partner. I love her dad though he is brilliant. Firstly, she (MIL) is rude, very abrupt, when i first met her she couldnt have been less interested in making a first impression. I have been raised to always be very polite. She treats my 26 yr old girlfriend like a baby, arranges to go to her medical appointments with her, still bought her underwear until she moved out, used to read personal valentines and birthday cards id sent her. When she moved out, made her take all her Disney stuffed teddy's and kids toys but told her she cant throw them away. She facetimes her atleast twice a day everyday and texts all day in between, and complains when we do things without her. Wants constant updates on the work we are doing in our house.
    We went on our first holiday overseas and because we didnt invite her she booked the exact holiday in the exact hotel a few months later and took my girlfriend with her. I took my gf to LA to propose (we live in the uk) her mum also wanted to come with us. She comments on anything we post on social media about how she didnt get an invite, how we do things without her. If we go shopping somewhere, she asks that she comes with us next time. She wants to be involved in all the wedding plan's and doesnt ask to come to our appointments, just tells us she is coming. She pressured my gf into having her cousin as bridesmaid at our wedding. She has spoke about buying a house nearer to us.
    She lives 30 minutes away but asked which room in our new house is for when she stays over.
    And then is the embarrasing stuff, she spits when she talks, so going out for a meal with her is uncomfortable, she will sit in a dress with her legs far too open because she is quite large and cant fold one over the other but will be showing everything. She belches all the time. When she invites us around for a meal, she plates the food up with her bare hands, and i once saw her do that after "adjusting" her underwear. Quite honestly, my biggest issue is that she repulses me and i am so uncomfortable around her. But i would never be rude to her, nor do i want to upset my partner in telling her how I feel. Help?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    OP:

    "she spits when she talks, so going out for a meal with her is uncomfortable, she will sit in a dress with her legs far too open because she is quite large and cant fold one over the other but will be showing everything. She belches all the time. When she invites us around for a meal, she plates the food up with her bare hands, and i once saw her do that after "adjusting" her underwear. Quite honestly, my biggest issue is that she repulses me and i am so uncomfortable around her"

    I am truly flummoxed, OP.
    This is far beyond my area of expertise, honestly.

    It can't go on.

    You are marrying her daughter, not her.

    It isn't about being rude, you will have to be very very straightforward. And your future wife needs to be very straightforward too. Otherwise, this is a disaster in the making.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Congrats on the house and engagement. Well part of it is your gf. But it's easier to blame the mother. Is your gf an only child?

    People can get along with but aren't in love with their mothers-in-law. She sounds like a sweetie, lets hope it's not genetic.

    You'll be seeing her in the future, so keep it civil and pick your battles.You have to hold your tongue because it's your gf's mother. It will serve no purpose to hurt anyone. Get boxes, containers, etc for all the childhood stuff and put it in storage. Is the mother or your gf a hoarder?

    What you can do, is built in some bullet proof boundaries and rules. For example without saying a word get one of those home alarm systems with a front door viewer. Screen your calls. Limit visits. Let your gf hang out with her, but be busy a lot with your family.

    Kiss the ground for this: 👇
    Originally Posted by luvedup
    She lives 30 minutes away

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    LaHermes: I agree..this i what i am worried about. Thanks for your response, also what does OP mean please?

    Wiseman2 : Thankyou also, i have done a few of the things you suggested. However my partner doesnt see the faults with her mother so i think that may be my biggest issue 🤦

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  6. #5
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Is she from a culture where the daughter is tied to her parents ?

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Your gf doesn't have to see her mother's faults you just have to find ways to avoid too much of her.

    And this is what treating the folks to take out is all about 🤢:
    Originally Posted by luvedup
    she plates the food up with her bare hands, and i once saw her do that after "adjusting" her underwear.

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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    Is she from a culture where the daughter is tied to her parents ?
    Hello, no nothing like that. Just a very needy mother in law who cant cut the apron strings

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Your gf doesn't have to see her mother's faults you just have to find ways to avoid too much of her.

    And this is what treating the folks to take out is all about 🤢:
    How do i avoid it for life 🤢 and when she is invading my home..

    So do you think i shouldnt talk to my other half about this? Just avoid the MIL at all costs? Sounds like i could do that.

  10. #9
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by luvedup
    Hello, no nothing like that. Just a very needy mother in law who cant cut the apron strings
    Well; that will be up to your gf to cut the strings .

  11. #10
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    Well; that will be up to your gf to cut the strings .
    Yup this^. It's not the parents who cut the apron strings, it's the kids. This is literally all about your gf and what she wants to do or not do.

    If your gf isn't willing to enforce some adult boundaries wither her mother, there is nothing you can do but shut up and put up. The alternative is call off the engagement and I don't think you are going to do that.

    The way to look at this is that a person's family is always part of the package, especially how they interact with each other. You are not going to ever change them or change the interactions or relationships between them. It's a take it or leave it situation. So when you are thinking marriage, better think long and hard if this is something you can live with long term. It's just one of the many points of compatibility in any given relationship.

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