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Thread: Really Dislike Mother in Law

  1. #21
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by luvedup
    She treats my 26 yr old girlfriend like a baby, arranges to go to her medical appointments with her, still bought her underwear until she moved out, used to read personal valentines and birthday cards id sent her. When she moved out, made her take all her Disney stuffed teddy's and kids toys but told her she cant throw them away. She facetimes her atleast twice a day everyday and texts all day in between, and complains when we do things without her.
    Sounds to me like your girlfriend is a bit of a "mommy's girl" and doesn't look like she has any issues with her mother making medical appointments for her or buying her underwear etc etc. Girlfriend is quite happy NOT to cut the apron strings - seems quite happy to remain attached (imo). THAT is a red flag and something you need to address.

    What does her mother think of YOU? Do you know how the mother feels about you? Trust me, she (the mother) will be VERY aware about how you feel about her. People can very easily pick up the negative vibes.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Does the expression "the acorn doesn't fall far from the tree" scare the hell out of you? If so, you've got some reflecting to do.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    Firstly, she (MIL) is rude, very abrupt, when i first met her she couldnt have been less interested in making a first impression.

    YOU are the one, as the date of her daughter who should be making a good first impression, not mother.

    Now that we have that out of the way -- if mom adjusts her underwear and burps and farts, then just chalk it up to mom being "different", or mentally deficient, decide "that's just her" and don't let it bother you.

    I think that the other stuff -- has to totally do with your girlfriend who has not cut the apron strings. She reads letters because the girlfriends shows them off and allows her to. I would not marry at this point. Girlfriend has to come into her own with her mother otherwise she will allow mother to run your household.
    You have misunderstood me im afraid. Yes i know it was for me to make a good impression and as i said i did, i am always polite, i spoke to her and was very courteous but was met with a cold, less than interested demeanour. However i dont feel i need to prove myself to anyone anymore. If she is that rude why should i trip over myself to be polite.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Again, a total deal breaker. Never mind the crazy controlling, the apron strings and the rest.

    "" she spits when she talks, so going out for a meal with her is uncomfortable, she will sit in a dress with her legs far too open because she is quite large and cant fold one over the other but will be showing everything. She belches all the time. When she invites us around for a meal, she plates the food up with her bare hands, and i once saw her do that after "adjusting" her underwear."


    As Wiseman sagely remarked: "The acorn doesn't fall far from the tree".

    I am quite appalled.

    You have been courteous to this woman OP, done your best.

    In your place I would call it a day.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Andrina
    I suggest pre-marital counseling. Perhaps a skilled therapist can address those issues in ways that will get through to your gf, since you haven't been able to. I'd also get a book on relationship boundaries and take turns reading it out to one another. I'd explain that you want your marriage to work, but you need to act as a team to make sure nobody, even family, has the right to just invite themselves over and to be a part of decisions you don't want them to be a part of. I'd make sure your gf knows how serious you are about wanting improvements, and that you fear what will happen if things continue as they are.

    I wouldn't marry until you see your gf placing boundaries on her mother for the good of your partnership. My MIL just passed away, but my husband and I never accepted any invitation to eat at her place because it was unsanitary. Fortunately, it wasn't really an issue that she pressed about. In your case, it might be. If I were you, I'd maybe bring a few dishes to share and "pretend" to be picky, and that's why you bring your own food. Just an idea, but you might be able to think outside of the box to come up with a plan for that issue. Good luck and let us know how it goes.
    I'm quoting Andrina and bringing her post to this page as I'm not sure if you've seen her suggestion in bold. Both of you will have to work as a team. If there's this much resentment now think of what will build up over the years.

    I can empathize with you on the issue with in-laws. My relationship with one (ex) in-law was not always easy. I can tell you that regardless of how far away she lives, your relationship with her will continue to take a downward spiral if both your girlfriend and you aren't able to work as team. You may even want to consider whether this is a dealbreaker in the long run if your girlfriend harbours traits that you find intolerable or immature.

    Where is your girlfriend's father in all this? Did she have a relationship with just her mother? I ask as there may be issues under the surface if your girlfriend's mother has always had to play both roles - mother and father in raising her and supporting her.

    What her mother wears, how she sits or other small issues shouldn't bother you. That's part of her and her personality. Where things start to cross the line may be how she interferes or seems to act as a third wheel in personal decisions involving your girlfriend and you.

    Keep in mind also that family members who contribute monetarily may feel as if they have a large say in the ongoings of marriage or wedding preparations. If she is making a large contribution or playing a very large role in how you procure venues, catering or outfits, this is not unusual behavior. Weddings can be a difficult time for everyone.

    Pick your battles and figure things out as a team with your girlfriend. I don't see this working out very well if you are constantly bothered by every detail about her mother but I do hope you're both able to come together as a team and draw better boundaries about what is or isn't acceptable when it comes to joint or important decisions between the both of you.

  7. #26
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    I can only imagine what your future wife will turn into when you both have kids.

    What does your fiancee say when you bring it up?

  8. #27
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Once more, with feeling. This alone, OP, would make me run a mile. I shudder to think what item of underwear she was adjusting before touching the food.

    "" she spits when she talks, so going out for a meal with her is uncomfortable, she will sit in a dress with her legs far too open because she is quite large and cant fold one over the other but will be showing everything. She belches all the time. When she invites us around for a meal, she plates the food up with her bare hands, and i once saw her do that after "adjusting" her underwear."
    "


    Aside from that, or in addition to those less than lovely cave-dweller traits, she sounds like she is off her head.

    "arranges to go to her medical appointments with her, still bought her underwear until she moved out, used to read personal valentines and birthday cards id sent her. "



  9. #28
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    How does your fiancÚ respond when her mother insists on being included in your private time?

    If fiance' defends her mother's desire to intrude, that's the thing to address.

    So to what degree, exactly, has this woman succeeded in intruding beyond expressing her wish to do so? And does fiancÚ complain about it even while she stands with you on this issue, or does she insist that her mother's wishes be granted?

  10. #29
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Not much has changed since end of 2018 OP when you posted this:

    "We went on holiday once n she ended up having to go back to the same place with her mum so her mum could experience it. Am I in the wrong for wanting more from my girlfriend and wanting her to cut the apron strings with her mum a bit.

  11. #30
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    I think you should run away now. Unless you want to be married to her AND mom

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