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Thread: Learning to let go

  1. #1
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    Learning to let go

    Well I recently went a bit ape on facebook about some of friends, my friend's fiancee in particular, about ongoing political posts that keep coming up. Just fed up of it. Well I have now came off Facebook.
    Now it seems the fiancee has taken the hump with me even though i sent a message apoligising which she has still yet to read.
    I did kinda offend a friend of hers my crazy rant but i was angry so decided to apoligise. One of my friends said i need to stop apoligising over everything.

    Me and my friend have been on and off friends for years but seem to have drifted apart over the years. I now have a baby and married and he is still out partying and seems to jump from relationship to relationship.
    This argument has really affected me (maybe blame post partum hormones and the mental impact of Covid). My husband seems to think i am over reacting and yeah probably am.
    But fed up of how toxic facebook is. Plus, this friend has a habit of picking people up and down and even ignores messages from time to time.
    But i still continue to chase him like some of his other friends but we were in a group and he is like the head of it if u know what i mean. Why chase someone like this? Why can't i let go? We have good times when we are together.
    It is like i am frightened incase others will think he has rejected me and some treat being his friend like a contest. My mother and sister would love it if we stopped being friends (long story but they are abusive and narcassitic freaks). Pride seems to be getting in the way.
    But seems like he is becoming more and more into being friends with over the top political friends who think they are experts in politics, Covid 19 and the civil rights movement.
    I do see a therapist (video call at the moment) and we are looking into my self esteem issues.

    I feel so pathetic and like I don't matter.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    While you are home postpartum, decide that this is the time you will clean up your social media. That means getting rid of dead weight, completely resetting your privacy settings and limiting the type of content you post, like or comment on. Never get sucked into social media controversy, particularly rants, insults etc.

    Much easier to take the high road and improve your content, privacy, feeds and followers than run after people apologizing. If someone's content irritates you, mute them. Be the manger of what you allow into your mind and soul and what comes out of your mouth and off your keyboard. You are responsible for that, no one else.

    Spend more time outdoors or in healthier pursuits. If mood issues are recent or difficult to control, talk to your doctor and get some short term therapy to sort some things out. Did you know happiness is inversely proportionate to the amount of time people spend on social media?
    Originally Posted by CrazyWife
    This argument has really affected me (maybe blame post partum hormones and the mental impact of Covid). My husband seems to think i am over reacting and yeah probably am.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Well....a really good way to make yourself feel pathetic and like you don't matter is to keep chasing after toxic people.

    This incident sounds like a really good time for you to take a huge step back and check yourself, do an inventory on how your actions and specifically how associating with crappy people is affecting your life negatively and then....clean house. Start focusing getting higher caliber friends or focus on those who are already higher caliber. Chasing after a snake will get you nothing but a poisonous bite.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    You can't undo the past. All you can do is learn from your mistakes. All you can do is change. You can't control others, what they say or write. All you can do is exercise self control no matter how strong your opinions are. My mother taught me long ago never to discuss: politics, religion or anything below the neck. Well, the 'below the neck' part is something you can discern but you get the gist. In other words, stay away from hot buttons or controversial subjects because it will ruin friendships or relationships. Remain neutral and whenever you feel as if your blood is ready to boil, walk away.

    Shut OFF social media, FB, emails, cell phones, etc. because they're time traps. Focus on your new motherhood, your baby and home life because everyone else doesn't matter. Concentrate on what's important in your life such as being a good mother.

    I'm a mother, too and I remember when I was a new mother to two sons. Shift your focus, become industrious and be a devoted mother and wife. Give your home life your undivided attention because they need you. Do healthier outlets such as taking your baby for walks, have a hobby, cook yummy meals, read great books and you'll feel better.

    Don't get emotionally involved with people because it never ends well. Too much familiarity breeds contempt.

    Play "Switzerland" and always remain neutral, generic and superficial when it comes to people. It's safer and you won't get yourself into trouble this way. Never let people know what you're thinking. Keep those personal and private thoughts to yourself. Navigate yourself wisely. Better yet, turn everything OFF and do other things which are not a waste of your time.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Spend more time on your therapy and what exercises you're doing or what things you're exploring with him/her. You seem self-destructive and keep going back to the source of your resentment and anxiety. Have you told your therapist about your use of social media or what you think about your friends or these people in general? It's possible you need more help with your postpartum depression.

    We are not always going to agree with everyone where politics is concerned especially with everything flying around like it is now. There are some things people shouldn't say. There are a lot of things that people are going to say that anger you or touch a nerve, hurt you or offend you.

    Every time I walk into a discussion I try and figure out who's in the room and the different personalities. Get to know people a little more. If you know them already and what they're apt to say or do, sometimes you'll have a good idea of whether words will fall on deaf ears.

    Stay away from hurtful people. Try focusing on the quality of people around you too. Enjoy more time with your husband and spend time with your baby.

    If you crave interaction with others, chat with other mums or others who have the same interests (interest groups).

    Look for other interest groups where you can share ideas. The conversations and posts may be more bland. There may not be half as many swear words or offensive language or content. You may even find it boring to an extent but practice it.

    Don't swing through highs and lows. Keep it even and work on your self-esteem. You have a choice whether or not to be around with offensive or negative individuals.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Make sure social media is not a new addiction. Anger, getting in fights, and using social media excessively could be warning signs of impending relapse. Contact your doctor, therapist and sobriety support groups

  8. #7
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    I was getting fed up of certain people making very judgemental, political posts on Facebook. I initially tried to engage by posting counter-argument, but I soon realised it was a pointless exercise. Now, any time someone makes a political post I click the little dots and select "Snooze so-and-so for 30 days". They can argue and rant all they like but I remain in blissful ignorance :-)

  9. #8
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    Well went back on it and unfollowed and unfriended and even blocked some people.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by CrazyWife
    Well went back on it and unfollowed and unfriended and even blocked some people.
    Good work! Celebrate!

    Treat yourself to something nice, kick back... watch the world become a whole lot sunnier.

    How do you feel?

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Excellent 👍 . You're on a roll. Anytime a post or poster annoys you or posts hyperbolic drama, hit the mute, unfriend, unfollow, etc button.
    Originally Posted by CrazyWife
    Well went back on it and unfollowed and unfriended and even blocked some people.

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