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Thread: Issues with coworker

  1. #1

    Issues with coworker

    Hi, At work im in a situation with a colleague (and to be honest I really like her), I wouldnt say conflict (yet). A week or so back, I heared her tell other coworkers she despises/hates me by coincidence as I was walking past a room where she was having a conversation (she doesnt know I heared). Cant say this was a surprise since she almost never talks to me.

    Today I was working on setting up some workstations, and she and another coworker apparently were texting eachother, she had to walk out of the room because she was laughing so hard about something the other coworker texted her. Ofcourse I dont know if this was about me, but guessing it is because of what I heared her say about me earlier. When she came back a few minutes later she went on working and I did my part, did not really give it much attention.

    At one moment I had to work closer to her station and I noticed she immediately grabbed her earbuds, so clearly not interested in talking to me. Then there was a short moment when everyone left the room and it was just me and her and then out of nowhere she starts a conversation about the work I was doing there.. it wasnt very long because when a coworker came back the conversation dropped and she became disinterested and stoic when I asked her something, I got very short answers the kind of "whatever" kind.

    There was another situation a week before this and the strange thing to me, knowing what I have heared recently, is that in 1 on 1 situations with her she behaves normal, and shes a pleasant person to talk to. I understand its probably best to avoid conflict in the workplace since it helps no one, but this behavior confuses me. Is there anyone else who had/has a similar case who has advice on how to handle this?


  2. #2
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Florida Panhandle
    It's strange that she would tell others that she hates you when she 'almost never talks to' you.

    If I were in that situation, I would totally ignore her. Don't try to initiate conversations and just pretend she doesn't exist. Maybe eventually her attitude will change.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    She could be acting more professional, but as long as she is not bothering you, she doesn't have to like you. You need to back off a bit if she senses you have a crush on her, stare at her, etc.

    Pull back and make other friends at work, in fact be friendly and talk to everyone there the same way.

    There is nothing to be confused about. Date outside of work.
    Originally Posted by ppan86193
    im in a situation with a colleague (and to be honest I really like her). is that in 1 on 1 situations with her she behaves normal, and shes a pleasant person to talk to.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Do you mind me asking if there's any other history between the both of you? Did you both cross paths at any time? The hate or despise comment seems very disproportionate with no other background history.

    My suggestion:

    Keep things professional all around and don't hyperfocus on her every mood. This is kind of intense and too much. She may feel like you've got her under a laser beam or microscope. Let go of all that tension and start talking to other people in the work space or group. Focus more on the tasks at hand.

    If you find the work a bit mundane, ask to be transferred to a different location or to be given more responsibilities. All of you sound a bit bored or there may be too much time allotted for the tasks required.

    Don't internalize what others think of you (especially baseless or hateful/non-constructive speech or feedback) because it often reflects more on them than you. Try taking a step back and thinking for yourself critically and don't keep pining for the attention of someone who may not deserve your overall respect.


  6. #5
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    New Jersey
    What would you expect to gain by raising this?

    Nobody on the job is required to like us. All they need to do is be civil when dealing with us.

    The rest is noise.

  7. #6
    Gold Member Spawn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    You are clearly distracted by whatever is happening around you, happens to many but what matters is how good you are at your job, how well you learn the niche skills and be the best at what you do at job.
    Now see if the above and what matters aligns in what you want to progress in your professional career.
    Would stay away from all this, let it pass from the other ear, my work is all that matters at job.


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