Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 27

Thread: Lockdown time apart has changed my feelings

  1. #1
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    937

    Lockdown time apart has changed my feelings

    We have been "together" since November of last year, officially since February and of course with the pandemic went 3 months without seeing each other properly, we had a few social distance walks after the 3 month period and can now see each other properly, only problem is I think the relationship might be burnt out from my perspective.

    She's a great girl, I thought I loved her but after 3 months apart I'm not too sure, I think I realised I'm happier single, I'm not sure I can imagine myself spending the rest of my life with this girl, if she ended it with me I'm not sure if I would be that bothered.

    It's really upsetting I feel like this, before the pandemic things were going good, now it's an effort. I did love her and wanted to experience things with her, now im happy to be by myself. Im not sure if 3 months in lockdown has done this to me or if it's just natural.

    She doesn't have any idea about how I feel, she really likes me and everyone tells me how happy she is with me.

    We haven't been intimate since march, we can now "bubble" with one other household and she has picked me but I am wary, she is still working and mixing with the public, I am at home with my mother, I'm so scared of picking it up and passing it on to her. We live in a small town that , touch wood, hasn't been effected so bad (yet?!) But it's still a worry. I've told her this and she says she understands but I need to live my life.

    I feel confused.
    Any advice welcome.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    40,040
    Gender
    Male
    Sorry to hear that. It seems like it's run its course. You would be happy to see her, if things were good.

    Try to end it kindly and sincerely. Don't string her along any further. It's bad for both of you. One foot is already out the door.

  3. #3
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    937
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sorry to hear that. It seems like it's run its course. You would be happy to see her, if things were good.

    Try to end it kindly and sincerely. Don't string her along any further. It's bad for both of you. One foot is already out the door.
    I keep thinking maybe I should let things go back to normal and see where we are in a few weeks?
    Life is just so odd at the minute, even without the danger of the virus the lockdown has damaged a lot of things

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    40,040
    Gender
    Male
    Does she live with her parents also? If both of you still live at home, that makes dating even more difficult in addition to the covid thing.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    937
    Yes, she lives at home with her mum and her little girl.

    This wasn't an issue at all before the pandemic, but her mother is also seeing her other children and having them around now too (goes against the law here) so even more of a risk of virus spreading

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    40,040
    Gender
    Male
    Stay away from her if you are too afraid of contracting the virus. Do you work from home?

  8. #7
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    937
    I do yes. The only interaction I've had with other people is going to the super market once a week, keeping social distance as much as possible as well as wearing a mask.

    Me getting it I'm not so worried, just passing it on to my mother who's in her 60s and has diabetes.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    40,040
    Gender
    Male
    Ok then just end it since you disapprove of her family dynamics.

    You don't really need to find excuses to end it, but stop stringing her along since you want to end it and she believes you're ok.
    Last edited by Wiseman2; 07-07-2020 at 05:41 AM.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Butterfly~Wrists's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    2,585
    If your living with someone who was in the shielding category, I personally think they should remain shielding, so bubbling with her isn't appropriate, as those in shielding were told they can't bubble.
    As for the relationship, this pandemic is showing how people react and if those reactions are compatible with yours. She's now seeing others and no longer practicing distancing, while you're very much keeping strict distancing. Those values clash.

    Many relationships are breaking down due to stress response related to covid. It's understandable you're wary of continuing.

    We don't know how long this will go on for, and if your in the UK (your language suggests you might be) I think a second wave is going to be hitting very soon, one city area is already locked down. This means shielding will need to go for longer, which potentially means not seeing her for a further few months. Lots to consider, but if you're no longer feeling it, it's perfectly acceptable to end the relationship, you can always go back to each other once everything is back to a healthy normal, which likely won't be until next year (vaccines)

  11. #10
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    51,951
    Yes, this is a particularly trying time for couples and families in lockdown even with partial reopenings. I think that adds stress but the thing is there are lots of times in life that are struggles like this and that's where the "better or worse"comes in. My husband and I have had some real challenges this time -not financially (wow what an awesome blessing!!) but with our child, online learning, teleworking, getting supplies, stress from not knowing what will happen with school, his work, my work.

    Surprisingly -since I am a person who needs space and we have a small apartment - I love him even more. Feel even more committed to him. Even though he annoys the heck out of me at times which living in such close quarters has amplified of course. And I feel that love (perhaps I should show it more but we're cooped up) and I feel that intense strength of commitment and feel proud of how we're getting through this much of the time. Not all. Not all I say because I think you tend to like the thrill of the chase, being kept on your toes, unavailable types and with this pandemic it's uber-togetherness. I used to be a lot like you. Even with my husband which is why we broke up for years. Consider that you don't desire to give to her, desire to be with her because she's too "there" and too into you. You want things to be a certain way -you want your feelings to be a certain way -that kind of high you think you need in order to feel desire - so when I write "not all the time" the times I don't feel "it" as strongly or feel really irritated -it passes and doesn't shake me to the core and trigger the "wow are we right together" questions.

    I would end things especially since she's not acting in a safe way that is comfortable for you as far as the virus. I'm sorry it doesn't seem to be working out.

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Videos


Maintaining A Strong Relationship

Detaching From a Malignant Man

Divorced Parents Prefer Technology and Social Media As Communication Tool

Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •