Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 3 of 3 FirstFirst 123
Results 21 to 27 of 27

Thread: Advice needed- talking to a recently divorced man

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    40,123
    Gender
    Male
    The only danger with staying in the wings with someone like this and who is long distance, is it keeps you from finding a local man of your own. The harm is that you want more than friendship.
    Originally Posted by jo162999
    I would also point out that as a friend, he is very supportive and will go out of his way to help me in any way that he can. He always has, even when he was married. That is kind of why it is so hard for me to just give up our friendship...
    Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #22
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2017
    Location
    Europe
    Posts
    2,355
    Gender
    Female
    Aaahh, an old familiar tune.

    "they seem to have had a very messed up relationship, lots of issues, no emotional connection, like roommates, etc. They seem to have had problems for a long time."

    Glad at least that the word "seem" is in there.

    Not really your concern whether they had problems for a long time. If that were the case then all he had to do was end the marriage (on those grounds), become "free" again, and then seek better "emotional connections".
    He sure is no prize.


    I ask what DF asked above:

    "When you think of your dream relationship, is that what it looks like?

  3. #23
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    23,199
    He was never a friend, and he only wants sex-clear from his communications.

    He is a terrible candidate. Your picker is way off in the man department-you already know he is a cheater, and shame on you for flirting and kissing a married man. What is missing in your life where you would ever believe your behavior is okay?

  4. #24
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    23,199
    Originally Posted by jo162999
    No in fact he does not seem to think it a big deal. I would also say that they seem to have had a very messed up relationship, lots of issues, no emotional connection, like roommates, etc. They seem to have had problems for a long time.
    Here comes the excuses.

    He has zero respect for you. Certainly you have real friends?

  5.  

  6. #25
    Platinum Member SooSad33's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    6,837
    Yeah the fact that he doesn't seem to think it a big deal to cheat on his wife is definitely a very big concern. Like I said, I know he's not the ideal choice. It's not that I would choose this but I am already invested.
    ~ Then is best YOU stop this... and IMO, I suggest you back away UNTIL you know you are no longer invested- especially knowing he is not the ideal choice.. Just like an actual break up- We can NOT be 'friends' unless or until we know we are over them.

    I don't think that our friendship is ONLY about sex and I can talk to him about anything and he will respond and talk. I think we have a solid friendship foundation and I'm sure if I cut out the sex stuff, he would still be ok to just talk about other stuff too. In fact, the first day that we talked again after the 2-year separation, I was the one that started the sexual stuff.
    ~ Yes, of course he will respond & talk with you... But, as you mentioned before.. the lines have been crossed now.
    Is so often the woman who becomes emotionally invested.. and sadly, you happened across this man when he was so messed up :/.. And he was so far from 'able' to be involved with you on an emotional level... he may never be.
    As for you going there once again re: sex? Not a good move really :/. Especially of you are basically trying to see this guy as 'just a friend'.. Then be respectful and don't cross that line anymore.
    At this rate, yes, you will be getting yourself deeper & will be so confused- again not getting something you want- which sounds like more than just a friendship.
    Please back off this stuff and work on taking care of YOU in this. If you can't keep it together , especially knowing you are emotionally invested, then may be best to keep your distance to work on accepting & healing, with all that has occured between you two... and get yourself back to half a norm.[/I]

    He pointed out that this was not all he wanted and stated that he was "interested in other stuff too." Before when we were friends while he was married, we talked about all kinds of stuff and got to know each other very well. So I don't think that it is only about sex. I would also point out that as a friend, he is very supportive and will go out of his way to help me in any way that he can. He always has, even when he was married. That is kind of why it is so hard for me to just give up our
    friendship...
    ~ take a good look. Often men/women are not able to just be friends.. men seem to want more than that.
    But I have already had my say.. Be careful. Dont get lost even more in this.
    He is many states away? Why even think of him in any more than a friend..
    Hence.. No Expectations.
    Work on moving on from all of this.. and start fresh. Find friends etc more local.

    Time to let this all go now?

  7. #26
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    23,118
    Gender
    Female
    Once someone demo's a capacity for disloyalty, especially when they are casual about it, my attraction level takes a nosedive and I'm not interested in dealing with them anymore.

    I wouldn't bother making any pronouncements about cutting him off, I'd just do it.

    That's just me. If you want to keep touching that flame, go ahead. It's not against the law, it's just not leading you into self-respect territory.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    4,726
    He sounds like a pig. He was flirting with you while married. Dating someone while separated while stringing you along. He also lives far away. Forget him. He is not a good person. I guarantee, only a matter of time till you are together, and he's got another side piece.

  9. 07-07-2020, 04:52 PM

  10. 07-07-2020, 05:10 PM
    Reason
    Refers to deleted post.

Page 3 of 3 FirstFirst 123

Videos


Maintaining A Strong Relationship

Detaching From a Malignant Man

Divorced Parents Prefer Technology and Social Media As Communication Tool

Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •