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Thread: I feel lonely, and neglected

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Are there issues with finances or a marriage timeline? is that why you are questioning him as to whether he is into you or not? After 4 yrs do you still want to get married? Why does he need a co-signature if you are equals financially?

    It seems he does not want to communicate with you about certain elephant-in-the-room issues whether it's in person, text, email smoke signals or pony express. It would be best to clearly identify those issues. Such as whether marriage is a realistic goal.

    Do you get the feeling he is just coasting along complacently enjoying the status quo of playing house?
    Originally Posted by Joanna84
    he asked me to cosign for something, I said no as we'd initially agreed to keep all finances separate until/unless we became married. He was upset by my refusal, so there was some back & forth emails about that.


    I dont know what page he's on. It's like were close and not close at the same time.

  2. #12

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    Hi Wiseman,
    There's no marriage timeline. Neither of us have been married, but both of us have been engaged to people we were in long term relationships with. It would be nice to be married eventually, but to be honest it's not a huge priority for me right now, and not something I think about often. I wouldn't consider marriage an end goal. So no, the no marriage talk after four years isn't really where these worries & doubts come from.
    As for finances, he owns the house/property, and I give him rent. I am happy to keep finances separate that way, which we'd agreed to since we'd done the messy merging & splitting of finances in past relationship. He needed a cosign for a HUGE loan (it was more a cosign that I paid rent, which gives him higher income, because he could only get that loan if he made a certain, thus without my signature, no loan). He was actually shocked that I said no, because he thought by then we were 'partners', so he seemed really to take offense. But I wasn't comfortable signing for a huge loan when we're unmarried and I own nothing. I did feel bad though; he reached out for my help and I said no, which was really hard.
    Yes I get the feeling he's coasting along a bit. I think he's just kind of a coaster. Nothing makes him very upset, and nothing makes him very happy (except fishing, ha). I'm similar, but not to that extent. I can coast along and ignore the elephant in the room just as well as him...but I guess not for as long. After four years something tells me there should be, for lack of a better way of saying it, more certainty in our hearts for one another.
    Last edited by Joanna84; 07-06-2020 at 03:58 PM. Reason: Wrong word

  3. #13
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    Did he say what he had doubts about? Was he still holding a grudge for your refusal to cosign with him?

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Agree. It was smart not to cosign. If this is the case, don't be manipulated.
    Originally Posted by SophiaG
    Did he say what he had doubts about? Was he still holding a grudge for your refusal to cosign with him?

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Joanna84
    Someone suggested that he is being manipulative or stonewalling for him to ignore the email i poured my feelings out in, well, it's not nice to ignore me, but I dont think he has set out to be mean. It's true what someone said, that he would rather sweep it under the rug and go on with his day. He's that type. I am too...to an extent.
    Actually, I think that people who ignore/manipulate/stonewall do so in part to avoid looking mean. But coasting along like this is a time-waster, and ends up being more painful than being direct and assertive.

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