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Thread: Why do I keep repeating the same relationship patterns?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member
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    Mar 2006
    I recommend Martha Beck as a great writer for this topic.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member
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    Nov 2008
    How are these relationships starting?

    Does a guy ask you out and you feel obligated to say "yes?"
    To be honest, do you "like" them - find the conversation reasonably interesting, have common interests, but he feels more like a brother than a boyfriend? A guy that is a perfectly decent guy that you just aren't attracted to but feel friendship?

    Or do you find it hard to even have any common ground. you feel there isn't really anything there?

  3. #13
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    It sounds to me like you secretly compare all these men to your ex that you would do anything to fix the relationship.

    Until you deal with that relationship and figure out what you want in and for your life you will continue to repeat this pattern.

    I hope you realize just how selfish and hurtful you are being to these men you get into relationships with. You are using them to make yourself feel better and fill a void. Please stop hurting others because you haven't dealt with your past breakup. These are all like perpetual rebounds...

    Stop using people, stay single for a good while and figure out what you want out of a relationship. If there is no spark after the second date then end it. If you don't feel love growing after 3 months then end it. If you aren't attracted to them then DO NOT AGREE TO DATE THEM.

    Relationships are built on way more than someone being nice to you...


  4. #14
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Mar 2019
    Perhaps you think this is all you deserve. I was somewhat like you long ago. However, I vowed never to repeat my mother's horrible mistake in choosing the wrong man. I wanted a man who was the complete opposite of my late father.

    Maybe you're looking at all the wrong places. In order to find a high quality men, you need to go where they are. They are not at singles bars and generic online dating websites. You need to whittle down your search. It's a great big world out there and you need to tell yourself that you can afford to become extremely picky and choosy because it will pay off later.

    What's alarming is that your guy treats you nice and you "settle" being with them. What are you settling for? Are they not good enough for you? Why are you unhappy, doubt and question the relationship and break up? Maybe you're not giving the guy nor the relationship a chance to thrive.

    If the guy is a very moral man and earns a good living, he should be a good catch. While that's all well and good, take a good look at yourself. No man wants to be with an insecure woman. Work on yourself before getting involved in a relationship.

    I too had a rough childhood. My late father was an alcoholic wife beater who punched my mother's teeth out! I was raised by a single mother who worked 3 jobs 7 days a week to put food on the table for her 3 children.

    During my teen and young adult years, I did the "woe is me" thing for a while. Then I snapped out of it. I concentrated on ascending in my career. I lost 35 pounds, became fit, felt and looked great. I started to garner attention from other successful men. I was pushing through an open door. Eventually, I married a great man and have two amazing sons. I attained the white picket fence and a very comfortable lifestyle in the suburbs.

    I didn't allow my horrific past to have a grip on my life. I made my own life completely separate from my miserable childhood. It's been a long road from my past. Even my best friend told me that I've lived a "Cinderella" type story. She's right. We've been childhood friends ever since we were 9 years old so she knows exactly how far I've come.

    Make something of yourself. Success attracts success. Before you know it, you'll enter the party with your own success story just like others in the room who've arrived.

    Pull yourself up, give yourself the power of positive thinking and DO SOMETHING. No more pity pot. MAKE A CHANGE. If I can do it, so can you.


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