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Thread: Life without oral sex :-( long term relationship disaster waiting to happen?

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    BTW, I am not a "porn star" and I appreciate and love an adventurous sex life. Being an adult and having kids never meant it was no longer important to me. It just meant I needed a partner with a similar sex drive.
    Same here.

    There are plenty of women out there who enjoy giving and receiving oral sex, trying new positions and so on, who are most definitely not porn stars or hussies. This woman happens to have different preferences, but there are lots of us whose preferences and drives are similar to yours too, OP.

    What you're searching for is not that extreme or unrealistic, but you're searching for it from a woman whose tastes don't line up with yours. Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Realitynut's Avatar
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    Im a 65 year old woman....have always given bj's. Don't like oral on me....makes me uncomfortable. Have never climaxed during sex...only with vibrator. And that wasn't until my 30's....and trying hard to achieve one! lol I have talked to gf's that have told me they were married and never gave bj's. They found it disgusting....but have been happily married for MANY years! So....would you give up a woman who is amazing in every way......but doesn't like giving bj's.for a woman who might NOT be amazing, kind, attractive...but is really HOT in bed. Sometimes you just can't expect to have it all.

    My sis got married in her late 40's. She too says, her husband isn't the best sex she's ever had. Thinks he's a horrible kisser, but thought she could teach him. She couldn't. They've been married over 10 years, and divorce is not in the future. She said if she could put all 3 of her major relationships into one person....she'd have the perfect man. But who can do that? No one is perfect. My feelings are, pick your battles. I have 2 different gf's and we were talking...sounds like sex is about nil for them. Mostly because of ED in their husbands. But do they leave? Hell no.

    So I say, commitment phobe that you are.....are you just looking for excuses to leave? I mean...if she wasn't putting out at all...that would be a problem. But you ARE having sex. That's a lot more than many men on this site...and out in the world....are having!

  3. #23
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Well, they're not married yet.

    Dating is the time to determine if we are compatible. If not, there's nothing wrong with realizing this and finding someone we're more compatible with.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by Realitynut
    Im a 65 year old woman....have always given bj's. Don't like oral on me....makes me uncomfortable. Have never climaxed during sex...only with vibrator. And that wasn't until my 30's....and trying hard to achieve one! lol I have talked to gf's that have told me they were married and never gave bj's. They found it disgusting....but have been happily married for MANY years! So....would you give up a woman who is amazing in every way......but doesn't like giving bj's.for a woman who might NOT be amazing, kind, attractive...but is really HOT in bed. Sometimes you just can't expect to have it all.

    My sis got married in her late 40's. She too says, her husband isn't the best sex she's ever had. Thinks he's a horrible kisser, but thought she could teach him. She couldn't. They've been married over 10 years, and divorce is not in the future. She said if she could put all 3 of her major relationships into one person....she'd have the perfect man. But who can do that? No one is perfect. My feelings are, pick your battles. I have 2 different gf's and we were talking...sounds like sex is about nil for them. Mostly because of ED in their husbands. But do they leave? Hell no.

    So I say, commitment phobe that you are.....are you just looking for excuses to leave? I mean...if she wasn't putting out at all...that would be a problem. But you ARE having sex. That's a lot more than many men on this site...and out in the world....are having!
    Because some people thrive in misery it doesn't make someone a commitment phobe. And because people stay 30 years in a marriage does not mean they are satisfied with the relationship. That's why so many people cheat.

    They are just incompatible, it is not that complex

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  6. #25
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    Someone who isn't willing to build things in a relationship just because they are not married, won't do it once they're married. That's one of the reasons behind the high divorce rates. Being compatible doesn't mean that EVERY single aspect of the relationship is perfect without trying. Believing that is the path to failure. Nobody is perfect, starting with ourselves. If things are off, repair them. If they can't be repaired, then leave, but leaving because the house isn't furnished as you like before you got there is just not the way for a healthy relationship, I believe.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I do think the fact Im unemployed
    Are you getting free rent then? She's paying for everything?

    Cause I gotta say, the picture you're painting, ain't great.

    You've never been in a serious relationship before. You've slept around heaps. You like this woman but criticize her and her sex life, yet you're staying in her house, rent free, having her pay all the bills while you tell an entire forum how crap she is in bed.

    You sound like a real catch.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Exactly. Keep dating and slow way down on the moving in conversation. It's only been a year and 6 mos of a more committed dating situation. It's difficult and no doubt the covid thing has wreaked havoc with dating and relationships, but stay as you are for now. Will the sex be hot/crazy anytime soon? Probably not.

    You can always breakup later if it turns out that besides the sexual incompatibilities, you find other yet unknown issues. It's harder to undo than to not do in the first place.. It's great you get along in other ways especially the small trial run at living in the same space. But there is no need to rush to end it.. or move it further at this time.
    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Dating is the time to determine if we are compatible. If not, there's nothing wrong with realizing this and finding someone we're more compatible with.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    Are you getting free rent then? She's paying for everything?

    Cause I gotta say, the picture you're painting, ain't great.

    You've never been in a serious relationship before. You've slept around heaps. You like this woman but criticize her and her sex life, yet you're staying in her house, rent free, having her pay all the bills while you tell an entire forum how crap she is in bed.

    You sound like a real catch.
    They're staying at his place:
    "In March the country went into lockdown. Her and her daughter were at mine when it was announced, and that how it stayed for the next several months. She didnt want to go home and I didnt want to force her too either. Whilst I needed space sometimes, I also very much enjoyed having them around and we all needed the comfort. "
    "Due to COVID weve been living together for 4-months and at the end of the month Im due to move out of mine and into her place. "

  10. #29
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Groceries still have to be paid, as well as other things. If they move into hers, then it will be all her.

    Op, it just doesn't sound like you're ready for any kind of serious relationship.

    I never once hinted at being a prude, but my life is jammed packed full of adult things as well as raising a kid. I make time for important things, but there is no way I would have the energy for what you're talking about all the time.

    If someone is working full time, getting things done, making meals, laundry, etc, do they still have time to dress up, do ten different positions, give bj's, scream like a hyena over sex etc all at the end of the day? Cause damn, that's more than the average woman can do. (Yes, I have lots of women friends who are professionals..this scenario is unrealistic).

    But then again, he did say he's not working.

    I dunno, I know moms who are getting up at 6am, putting in a full days work, as well as laundry, meals, chasing after their kids, etc..most of us are done in by 9 pm. Who the heck has the want to be dressing up like a floozie and getting all sexual by the end of the day?

    Maybe I live in a different world but this is just ridiculous to be expecting that of someone. On weekends, yeah, maybe, but this dude doesn't sound too ready for marriage, that's for sure.

  11. #30
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Hahahahahaha, LaHermes if you're reading this, thank you. That comment genuinely made my entire week.

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