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Thread: Are friendships just a waste of time?

  1. #21
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    I have set up many people in my life and been set up many times. I love it when it's a person who's given thought to why he/she thinks we'd be a match - I give a lot of thought too and am very clear if I don't know the person well. I think it's a fantastic way to meet potential life partners.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    I have set up many people in my life and been set up many times. I love it when it's a person who's given thought to why he/she thinks we'd be a match - I give a lot of thought too and am very clear if I don't know the person well. I think it's a fantastic way to meet potential life partners.
    Not knocking it for anyone, but it's also not the point. It just makes no sense to view oneself as ripped off if a friend offers a fix up and fails.

    Orchestrating other people is not something anyone can reasonably promise to deliver.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Precisely, CatF.

    "It just makes no sense to view oneself as ripped off if a friend offers a fix up and fails.
    "


    Blaming one's "friends" (and there is a vast difference between casual acquaintances and long-time friends) makes no sense at all.

    We do have single friends, and see them as and when. That's no big deal. They are busy people, some have a BF/GF, some just dating, one is engaged (met his future wife at a friend's wedding).

  4. #24
    Forum Supporter Fudgie's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    I have set up many people in my life and been set up many times. I love it when it's a person who's given thought to why he/she thinks we'd be a match - I give a lot of thought too and am very clear if I don't know the person well. I think it's a fantastic way to meet potential life partners.
    It really depends on the friend circle. I would never trust any of my friends' recommendations. I know what they think is "best for me" and it's clear that they can't pick for me but that may be because they don't know me well enough in this area. About 2 weeks ago, I was offered to be set up and I said no, absolutely not, I am not interested in speaking to this person. I know from the get-go it wasn't worth my time. Nevermind that I say I'm not interested in dating and they still want to make suggestions, hmm.

    I think friends setting each other up works only if the friends in the group are mature AND know each other well enough to know what the other person likes/is into in terms of partners. Setting up friends with other friends because you want them to be together/ulterior motives isn't going to work well. But if friends really know each other and care about the other person's preferences, then yeah, it can work well.

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    Not knocking it for anyone, but it's also not the point. It just makes no sense to view oneself as ripped off if a friend offers a fix up and fails.

    Orchestrating other people is not something anyone can reasonably promise to deliver.
    I've never tried to orchestrate anyone. Of course fix ups are not for everyone.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Agree Batya.

    Informally meeting someone or being informally introduced to someone. Happens every day in one context or another. Not being in the marriage brokerage business (a lucrative business I hear lol), I wouldn't have the time or energy to orchestrate. If someone were to meet someone at our house, well, after that it would be up to them.

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by LaHermes
    Agree Batya.

    Informally meeting someone or being informally introduced to someone. Happens every day in one context or another. Not being in the marriage brokerage business (a lucrative business I hear lol), I wouldn't have the time or energy to orchestrate. If someone were to meet someone at our house, well, after that it would be up to them.
    Not wanting to derail. I was much more proactive as were people who set me up. I was in touch with a professional matchmaker but never used one.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    I've never tried to orchestrate anyone. Of course fix ups are not for everyone.
    Just trying to keep this about the OP and on topic. It's not helpful for him to blame anyone else for fix-ups that don't materialize. That's all.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by LaHermes
    Precisely, CatF.

    "It just makes no sense to view oneself as ripped off if a friend offers a fix up and fails.
    "


    Blaming one's "friends" (and there is a vast difference between casual acquaintances and long-time friends) makes no sense at all.

    We do have single friends, and see them as and when. That's no big deal. They are busy people, some have a BF/GF, some just dating, one is engaged (met his future wife at a friend's wedding).
    Agree. The only person responsible when one's personal life isn't satisfactory is one's Self. It's not about 'blame,' it's about action--and nobody else can take that on FOR another adult.

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    Just trying to keep this about the OP and on topic. It's not helpful for him to blame anyone else for fix-ups that don't materialize. That's all.
    Sure. Of course. I agree.

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