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Thread: Newbie Here, PLEASE READ, HelpMeHelp.. desperately need your input

  1. #1

    Newbie Here, PLEASE READ, HelpMeHelp.. desperately need your input

    So this is my first time posting on here. Im a shy quiet person and I'm going out on a limb, it's making me nervous to hit send. Advice on each and every aspect of the situation , please do read it. I'll try to edit it for length. Please leave me something

    But I need some help with a relationship issue , and I live with my girlfriend, but this particular post defies the norm between us...were best friends , inseparable , and 100% honest...because it's touchy in a lot more ways than one.

    My girlfriend (of 19 months 2 days) always deal with things together, she is my rock and I'm years older than her. We love helping people, and we have been fortunate to be in positions to do that (I managed a motel, and a lot of the guests were in domestic abuse or disaster circumstances, we did so much for so many, I look back with pride) but we've also seen it from the street, sleeping behind dumpters, freezing, hungry...so there's empathy and appreciation is expressed daily for having our little room in a rooming house that is all we need.

    I'm sorry this is long winded, just need to try to say how amazing she is..and her mom and stepdad love me like a son. That's a first for me but if may be over too soon. Her mom is sick, with the worst news a doctor can give IMO, stage four kidney... mGF is doing okay with it, and hope is the order of the day, every day, and I go out of my way to do that every chance I get.
    The problem? Treatment isn't free, and it's not a good time to rely on help right now. They iceberg is almost melted from under them , they haven't lost their dwelling but who knows how long. So taking action on my mind, I make a crowdfunding page after seeing such success stories and think my girlfriend will say great idea!
    But the opposite occurs , her mom has asked for a discreet profile and she brings up the fact Facebook isn't an option and no other page displays to a large audience like that, well okay. I wasn't even allowed to tellll anyone except my mom , and she helps me with my page only to get upset when it's for naught .

    Time is a factor, it's a code red situation, but I can't push it too hard or I'm gonna end up causing more harm in stress .. but mGF has received secret intelligence (her bro) that eviction is sooner than I thought ( her brother did what he could , plus there is pride...just give up.. but the universe shows me things, and during a visit to the house to do laundry and see her mom, the landlord came to collect rent , and I pulled the forgot something in car trick and managed to speak with him..and he is willing to delay if I can show potential, and can't wait to donate himself.

    I've learned the #1 offesne is doing things without her knowing beforehand or having had said no, even when things go well. With the new spike of cases , people aren't going out, I have no idea how to take the first steps.

    But the people I have told believe in me and I know I can do great things...plus I kinda get that no one we will do this or could, maybe things line up for a reason. I know nobody else is gonna Ant feedback will do if it's honest, brutally honest , please.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Are you looking for "donations" ?

  3. #3
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    Originally Posted by fight4life92
    But the people I have told believe in me and I know I can do great things...plus I kinda get that no one we will do this or could, maybe things line up for a reason. I know nobody else is gonna Ant feedback will do if it's honest, brutally honest , please.
    Feedback on...what, exactly?

    Your post is a bit hard to follow, and you would be wise to proof-read it since the auto-corrections make it difficult to understand in places.

    Are you looking for ways to get money without your girlfriend's knowledge, or?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Do you need a kidney or donations?

    You seem like a very kind and caring person but you also seem to have assumed a lot on your shoulders. Do you feel it's your responsibility to step up for the family and provide for them? Have you talked with your girlfriend's mum one on one about her condition? Do you know what she feels or what she wants deep down (I'm speaking about her mum, not your gf)? She may be going through a lot of emotions. I ask as you seem to want to do a lot but it may not be what the family wants and you're overwhelmed with your own sadness about the situation.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Are you asking for money?

  7. #6
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    Stage 4 kidney what? Kidney disease has plenty of options for treatment and can be over the course of years.

    You have breached her confidentiality.
    By publicly creating a fund page which was none of your business.

    If you really wanted to help you would have asked the simple question “how can I help?” Or suggest ways to help?

    But rather that actually help , you wanted to be a hero.

    Helping others for self gratification is not heroic.
    Last edited by Billie28; 07-03-2020 at 12:33 PM.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Every family has someone who is perfectly capable of creating announcements or crowdfunding pages of their own the with approvals of the person being named. If your attempt to do this for them has caused the opposite reaction you'd have wished, then scrap the project and let them know that you're open to doing anything you can to help and will remain open to suggestions.

    This isn't the time to start a power struggle with a family suffering hardships. It's their private issue, and the most helpful thing you can do is respect their wishes--not your own.

  9. #8
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    I'm not sure if I understood your post correctly, but bottom line is if your girlfriend's mother doesn't want you to make the crowd funding page, then don't. I know you really care and are trying to help, but you shouldn't be doing something like that without the person's permission that you're doing it for. If the person said no, you need to take the crowd funding page down. You need to respect that.


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