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Thread: My girlfriend hates my parents and it's killing me and coming between us.

  1. #11

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    Thanks all for your responses. I'm hoping she'll come forward and appologise for the way she spoke to me, I understand she's upset with my mum but I'm sure you agree that shouldn't effect the way she treats me especially when I'm trying to help.

    Thanks all for your opinions and responses I've felt very alone through this I don't even have many friends.... So you all have no idea how nice it is to speak to someone.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear that. She is upset with you and your mother. Mostly you. Just leave her be. You and your mother never apologized to her, so don't expect apologies from her.

    She was unnecessarily nasty to you. She spoke to her friends and family about you and your mother and it seems they agree it's best that you part ways.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by Tiedye
    I don't think so, I feel if she wanted me gone she's not the type of person to play games. Same reason why one thing happens and she goes from fine with my parents to never ever speaking to them again...
    Re-read your own posts in this thread - she is exactly this type of person.

    She wants to break up and she doesn't have the maturity to respectfully end it, so she's manufacturing drama to make it all your fault.

    This girl is an immature like punk, OP. Let her stay gone. You can do a lot better than this.

  4. #14

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    Thank you all, I think it all escalated too far to fix now. So I'm out. I feel my anxiety about it all lifting already. I've not give it proper closure yet but mentally I'm out right now I'm waiting until I calm down before getting closure because it's going to be very messy cleaning this all up. We have shared contract on house and everything in it. Ect ect

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Tiedye
    How do you communicate difference in opinion in this scenario. Everytime I try to explain that I don't think my mum was being nasty and irs just the way she is and it's a miss understanding, she gets angry with me and starts saying I'm taking her side and don't understand how upset she is. But I do understand how upset she is, but I'm trying to explain to her and fix this.
    It appears there's a lot of resentment between the two of you and it might have been simmering under the surface for awhile. These instances are terrible and verbally abusive but she doesn't respect you possibly for her own reasons. We only have one side of the story here.

    Stay true to yourself and stop chasing after her.

    The issue with your conversation above is that it's not a misunderstanding. Your girlfriend is showing you that she doesn't like and doesn't want to see your mum's perspective. No one is misunderstanding anyone. They just don't agree. You haven't come to terms with the fact that they don't get along and there are no misunderstandings about that.

    It takes two people to come together and meet in the middle. If your girlfriend can't do that out of respect for you and your family, there's nothing much else to say or do. She's made her decision and it may be backed by countless other mini-decisions along the way that have resulted in this much resentment over time. Look at the whole picture, not just individual incidents. This is no mistake and it's no misunderstanding. I think she may be irritated with you for not realizing that she's as clear as she'll ever be. Sadly, this is a very negative situation for you. Count your blessings that it's gotten to this point. Hopefully you can put this behind you and respect her choices also.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    Your ex girlfriend sounds like she has an inferiority complex and like the kind of person who creates unnecessary drama. People like that are toxic and tend to suck the energy out of their partner. Do NOT get back together with her. No decent human being would try to alienate you from your family. It's usually toxic people who pull such crap and it's on you to uphold your boundaries in such occasions. Imo, creating such unnecessary drama with your family should be viewed as a relationship dealbreaker.

  8. #17
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    Congrats on the award!

    Your gf sounds ridiculous, and I would bet this goes beyond your family. How is she with your friends? Does she have any friends of her own?

    You need to stop playing the doormat by trying to fix this. You and your mother did NOTHING wrong. Stop reaching out to her. She needs to come to you with an apology. I seriously think you should move on from her, as she is toxic.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    The more time you spend with no contact the more you will see this breakup was a healthy choice to make. It's all about adjustment...change can be scary but you will get through this a much happier person.

  10. #19
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    So I come home yesterday to my parents with my girlfriend and my mum had bought me some sweets and got me a card and everything and she says to my girlfriend "you didn't win an award did you?" I can see how this can come across wrong but she did it because she was making a fuss and giving me a card and sweets and didn't want her to feel left out.

    ^^This is the only thing your family did that was rude and callous. I mean, i think your mom inquired as to not leave the GF out in the congrats if she had, but it came across as super really really bad.

    Other than that, I think your girlfriend is insecure and out to look for slights. You are better off without her. Because she will keep doing this and to keep the peace, you will end up agreeing not to see your family at all.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    CongrAts on your award. Unfortunately, GF sounds like an azz.

    I'd ask myself whether I want an adult partner or a social work client for a GF, because this sounds like someone who can only bring chaos, hardship and problems with your family into your life rather than love and support and joy.

    I'd tell anyone who went accusatory about my family that these people are beloved parts of my package, and I won't tolerate any strife over them. Partner is either adult enough to manage a good relationship with my loved ones, or not. If not, then I choose the peaceful and harmonious relationships with my family over anyone who wants to toxify that for me.

    Head high, and choose wisely.

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